Dating a girl with a kid? Who's done it?

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
The ONLY women with kids I'll date are older women who's kids are grown adults. But then again,I prefer older woman anyway.


I'll second the older women part. I've always had a "thing" for the mature females. A beautiful woman with some mild wrinkles and a shapely figure....love it!

But...my roaming days are done and I'm staying with my lady companion. But IF I was a single fella again...those mature women would be my fixation.

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: hpb
Originally Posted By: andrewg
Anyway....life it what it is and choices are often made...right or wrong.


Agreed. And as long as we learn from those wrong choices, we move forward! I appreciate your responses in this thread. Lots of people on here saying "Don't do it!", but not giving any reasons. I get the impression some people think single mums are a lower form of life, which obviously gets my back up pretty quick! So it was very decent of you to explain your own experiences of having been involved with ready made families and how it worked/didn't work for you. Cheers!


Cheers to you! I didn't mean that they were unworthy...that's for sure. Just a risk. Especially for a younger gent.
But a man never knows where he will find the right woman for him. Generally they seem to turn up when you least expect it and under circumstances you would not have thought probable.

Have a good rest of the weekend.

 

[stockrex]

Mr Motoroilmaaadmaaan,

Go to county family court on cattle call days (Friday morning) and sit in for few hours and listen to the cases.
You will see a trend in their stories.

Then come back home and next you encounter a woman with child(ren) and get to know them, ask them about their story.

If said story seems to be a replay of what you experienced in court, RUN!
Else she could be a keeper!

If you don't want children why even date one with children?

It is like driving a diesel when you hate the noise/smell of diesel.

 

[DoubleWasp]

I'm not going to stigmatize it one way or the other.

It's not what I'm looking for, so I never do it. If it's not what you're looking for, don't do it.

 

[Mr Nice]

Maybe the OP doesn't have what a single woman with no kid(s) is looking for ?

 

[Huie83]

It totally depends on the woman and the situation. All women are different, you could find a wonderful woman with kids or a complete nut job. It's important to take the time to get to know the woman first and introduce the kids later. I mean, really get to know her. In my experience women hide all their flaws in the beginning and they come out over a few years, make sure none of them are major... Usually dating younger women is better, they don't have as many issues from past relationships etc.

My wife has two kids who were 4 and 5 when we got married, we have one of our own now.

Things you will have to deal with as a step Dad:

- You aren't their real Dad and will struggle for respect.
- Unless her and her ex are in perfect standing, there will be legal battles, custody paperwork changes, child support paperwork and some pretty major $$ spent on this.
- "Our Dad let's us drink a case of soda a day, play mature rated games and stay up all night, why don't you? We never get to do anything fun here". Have fun dealing with the co-parents bad decisions.
- For whatever reason she will be more protective of her kids and scrutinize how you treat them. For example; my wife got all huffy yesterday because I called her boys "weenies" for not wanting to go out and play in the rain. They are 9 and 10 mind you. I was just trying to make a point that when I was a kid I played in the rain and it was fun. She got all offended that I called her boys a name...Whatever... If I called my son a weenie in joking she wouldn't bat a eye.


That being said, it can be a great thing also. Taking the kids under your wing and raising them is a big accomplishment. It is a TON of work to be a good parent so just make sure you have done what you want to do on your own and that you can sacrifice "you" time for the kids, they always come first.

 

[Rtstrider]

No kids of my own but I dated and am married with 4 step children. Just now broke into my 30's. Never understood the stigma tbh. It's not as difficult as people make it sound and in our case everyone's on the same page of do what's in the children's best interest. Keep it on that level and it's not that big of a deal tbh. That's just my 2 cents

 

[Quattro Pete]

Originally Posted By: motor_oil_madman
I'm 26 and it seems harder and harder to not find a girl who hasn't gotten pregnant.

Stop looking for girls at your local walmart. Try online sites like eharmony where you can better control the "features" of your prospects.

 

[Quattro Pete]

Originally Posted By: motor_oil_madman
Originally Posted By: Burt
Don't get married. Buy a corvette instead. On second thought buy two corvettes.


Woah woah now who said anything about getting married?

A single mom will want to build a relationship in order to provide financial security and stability for her child. She's unlikely to just date, unless she is very well off financially, but if she is, then she doesn't really need a man in the first place.

Just my take on this.

 

[Dave Sherman]

At 26, I can't believe you can't find women without kids. They do exist. Some women don't even want kids, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just make sure that YOU know what you want. If you're not sure you would even want kids, figure that out before you date someone who has them already.

My GF and I have been dating for about a year and a half now. She has two boys, 10 and 11. They are a handful, and it's been a big learning experience on my part, but we get along and they tell their mom that they think I'm OK. She has cautiously floated the idea of marriage past them, and they seem in favor of it.

If you don't like kids, don't bother dating a single mom. If you don't have lots of experience with kids (I didn't), make sure she knows that up front. It can be done, but it's a learning experience.

If you do decide to date somebody with kids, keep these in mind:

-They'll be around until they are at least 18, so make sure you don't mind having them around. If you don't get along with them, that's kind of a big problem.

-If dad is still in the picture, don't interfere or try to show him up. Even if you don't like him, respect him and his kids.

-Don't discipline the kids. Stopping them if they are doing something dangerous or destructive is one thing, but you're not the judge and jury when it comes to consequences. Leave that to mom.

-DO talk with her about your role. My GF and I have talked many times about that.

-Don't even bring the kids into the picture unless you're already going pretty steady. We were dating for 5 months before I met the kids. Even then, it was a few months before they got used to having me around regularly.

 

[ChristianReske]

Some people are made for a live as familly and kids.
Some people are made for a live as a couple, without kids.
And some are made for a living as single.

First thing: Know yourself and what´s best for you.


But beware, soemtimes this lttle crazy thing called "Love" come around the corner and spoil all the great masterplans you have made.

 

[Bladecutter]

Originally Posted By: motor_oil_madman
I'm 26 and it seems harder and harder to not find a girl who hasn't gotten pregnant.


That just means that you're not quick enough in finding them.
Some other guy got there first, had his fun, and went about his life already.

Quote:
It just seems like a nightmare and I'm not really at the stage to think about kids yet. I'm thinking in 10 years I'll think about it.


Good for you to know what you do and don't want in a relationship.
Lots of guys, probably like you, have similar expectations, but they wind up making the kids, and then leave the lady on the hook because they don't want to date a woman who has kids, either.

I've had a few experiences with women who had kids.
The experiences have all been completely different from each other, and I can't say that they had any similarities.

Pretty much, some women are train wrecks, just in general. Add in kids, and their level of instability gets cranked up a notch or three.

Other women are completely different, and their kids are just another aspect of their great personality, and it's rewarding to experience their whole life.

The very first thing you need to figure out about yourself, and the lady with kids is this:

Do you want to have a long term relationship? Does she?
If the two of you don't match up in that regards, move on.

Next, do you want to have kids in the future? Does she want to have MORE kids?
Again, if the two of you don't match up in that regards, move on.

Finally, watch out for the type of women that are looking to have you finance their lives, and their children's future. They were screwed over, and stuck with the kids by some other guy, and they will be more than willing to use you for your wallet. These women are not good to deal with, and have chips on their shoulders.

Blaze responded to this thread with a woman of that type, who wants to date older men because they won't spend $60k on the vehicle of their choice. That's simply because she wants him to spend that same $700 per month on her and her kids instead.

At the end of it all, I fell in love with one of the women I dated who had a kid, and we've been together for 9+ years, and were married 2+ years ago. The daughter is now 24 years old, and I never had to raise her, but I've helped out here and there with advise, auto repairs, etc.

My life is better for it.

BC.

 

[Oldtom]

My first experience dating a woman with kids was my last. Admittedly, I am biased so take this into account. I dated a woman who had 2 kids with a handsome " bad boy " who was known for making babies then leaving. Predictably, he fathered 2 kids then split, no contact, no child support. I could never get over the feeling I was nothing more than a "wallet" to pay for some other dudes kids. The lady would rather be with her bad boy but was settling for me. The kids were undisciplined wolverines and HATED me.

I eventually married a woman who cannot have kids, and, things are working out. Given the current state of the USA, not having kids seems like a good idea to me.

 

[WankelRotorHead]

I dated two girls before I got married with a kid (each had just one). I also grew up with a step-father so I've been there from two different perspectives. Rule number one, you will always be second to the kid (if she's a good mom) and you'd better learn to live with it. Rule two, stay out of custody and other issues with the baby daddy at least while you are dating. Maybe if you get serious and get married and you adopt the child you can get involved. Rule number three, don't try and replace the kids father unless they ask you to (my step-father tried this several times and it didn't go well).

The two girls I dated were nice gals, but both ended for the same reason...I was a rebound fcuk and they went back to their exes after a few months.

 

[Blinker]

So I'm 27, all i have to say is if the girl you supposedly "like" has a kid and it bothers you then you need to move on. I've been in your situation before and honestly i thought it was an added bonus or perk to the relationship. Move on if its not right for you.

 

[The motor guy]

Originally Posted By: HTSS_TR
Galveston beach isn't far from Houston, go there on weekends you will find many girls without kid(s) in the early to mid 20's on the beach.


Believe it or not I used to go to the beach and approach girls regularly until I approached two girls sitting on the beach in bikinis and one was completely flustered that I walked up to her and almost as soon as I sat down and said hi and was about to introduce myself she goes ok well we're not allowed to talk to strangers, so I got up and left. I really wanted to be like oh, what are you twelve years old? They were both probably 23-25 years old, I was just so shocked to hear that, as many times as I've approached girls, she takes the cake for rudeness. After that I thought that maybe approaching girls in bikinis wasn't a good idea. lol

 

[The motor guy]

Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
Maybe the OP doesn't have what a single woman with no kid(s) is looking for ?


I think many are looking for a guy who's already well established with a good paying job and a nice house, neither of which I have. Many just go back to finding another guy like the one who got them pregnant and left them in the first place it seems. I did meet a girl once who had the sweetest 4 year old little girl, but she was dating a guy already.

 

[Mr Nice]

Originally Posted By: motor_oil_madman
Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
Maybe the OP doesn't have what a single woman with no kid(s) is looking for ?


I think many are looking for a guy who's already well established with a good paying job and a nice house, neither of which I have. Many just go back to finding another guy like the one who got them pregnant and left them in the first place it seems. I did meet a girl once who had the sweetest 4 year old little girl, but she was dating a guy already.


A single woman with no kids can be very picky.... you can't blame them for wanting a better future and a successful husband.

 

[Bladecutter]

Originally Posted By: motor_oil_madman
I think many are looking for a guy who's already well established with a good paying job and a nice house, neither of which I have.


Well, maybe it's time for you to get your act together, start assembling your future, and get ready to meet the best women out there.

Quote:
Many just go back to finding another guy like the one who got them pregnant and left them in the first place it seems.


Yup.
There's always a reason why they're single with a kid.

BC.

 

[Triple_Se7en]

Originally Posted By: motor_oil_madman
I'm 26 and it seems harder and harder to not find a girl who hasn't gotten pregnant. It just seems like a nightmare and I'm not really at the stage to think about kids yet. I'm thinking in 10 years i'll think about it.


Be more wary of the girlfriend because of the attached kid.

That girl might do a 180 degree change the day after you marry.