Dating a girl with a kid? Who's done it?

[Al]

Originally Posted By: motor_oil_madman
Originally Posted By: Burt
Don't get married. Buy a corvette instead. On second thought buy two corvettes.


Woah woah now who said anything about getting married? How do you buy a bigger boat when you're married?

Exactly...DATING is NOT MARRIAGE.

Why are you asking this question? Date whomever you want..scheesch.

If this thread were about marrying a woman with a kid...Depends. If she has the right attributes and you have the right attributes FOR HER (its a two way street).

Guys make judgments about women as to their qualities and whether they are worth dating (which is fine). Question is..are THEY worth the woman's time...lol.

Reader's Digest..jump in..you might be missing the relationship of a lifetime.

 

[Burt]

Originally Posted By: Al
Originally Posted By: motor_oil_madman
Originally Posted By: Burt
Don't get married. Buy a corvette instead. On second thought buy two corvettes.


Woah woah now who said anything about getting married? How do you buy a bigger boat when you're married?

Exactly...DATING is NOT MARRIAGE.

Why are you asking this question? Date whomever you want..scheesch.

If this thread were about marrying a woman with a kid...Depends. If she has the right attributes and you have the right attributes FOR HER (its a two way street).

Guys make judgments about women as to their qualities and whether they are worth dating (which is fine). Question is..are THEY worth the woman's time...lol.

Reader's Digest..jump in..you might be missing the relationship of a lifetime.


Dating may not be marriage but there is no good outcome if you don't want to get involved with the kid.

 

[qwerty1234]

This ain't the 50's anymore. Pregnant young ladies are no longer cast off. Dating a women with kid(s) can be challenging but usually worth it. Unless the women has multiple children and multiple "baby daddies".

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: qwerty1234
This ain't the 50's anymore. Pregnant young ladies are no longer cast off. Dating a women with kid(s) can be challenging but usually worth it. Unless the women has multiple children and multiple "baby daddies".


Yeah sure....and our society is the better for it, right?

To the OP...better to try and not date a woman with a child or two. The reasons are obvious. I suppose if the main reason you date is to get physical, then just be sure you don't spawn the next child. If your goal in dating is to look for a partner in life, then you will be complicating matters tremendously if she has children.

I've been this route in my past...it was a real tough experience being a surrogate father. I was never really "dad"...and my role/authority was questioned when things got sticky. If I could do it all over again, I'd have been much better off dating a woman with no children.

 

[jcwit]

Dated a lady with 2 daughters, only dated for 2 weeks, got married 2 weeks later. Daughters are now in their 40's, raised them as my own. I am now in my 70's, wife in her 60's, true love is a wonderful thing.

BTW, the girls were only 7 & 9 when we married.

 

[Rhymingmechanic]

I did at about your age. The child's father was still in town and they saw each other regularly, which took a lot of pressure off me.

I tried to be a good influence in the kid's life, but looking back, I realize that I was in no way ready to be a father.

It was only 10-12 years later, after I was married and had a child of my own, that I realized just how difficult life is for a single parent. I had no real understanding of that as a 20-something boyfriend.

 

[Mr Nice]

Motor_oil-madman,

Find a woman with a personality you like. If she has a child then date her and see what happens.

You are looking at this if she is a used car with 150K miles...

 

[Mr Nice]

Originally Posted By: jcwit
Dated a lady with 2 daughters, only dated for 2 weeks, got married 2 weeks later. Daughters are now in their 40's, raised them as my own. I am now in my 70's, wife in her 60's, true love is a wonderful thing.

BTW, the girls were only 7 & 9 when we married.


Yep. And it sounds like they got a very good father.

 

[aquariuscsm]

First off,don't date 20 year old little girls. All they will want to do is party,be social media addicts,and you'll end up being a babysitter vs a potential life mate. Stick with your own age or older,unless you want the immaturity of a fresh out of high school 20 year old. At 26 you're nearing 30,and a grown mature woman will be more mentally and intellectually stimulating. If she's a single mom,it can be for a number of reasons. In my experience,they always gravitated towards losers,and they'll end up going back to a loser. If they were in an abusive relationship,they can bring alot of emotional baggage with them and it will be horrible. If you meet someone who's a social media addict,run away as fast as you can and don't look back. I'm on NO social media sites and will never be.

My best advice is don't revolve your life around a relationship. Take care of yourself first and foremost and let everything else fall into place.

 

[hpb]

Originally Posted By: andrewg
Originally Posted By: qwerty1234
This ain't the 50's anymore. Pregnant young ladies are no longer cast off. Dating a women with kid(s) can be challenging but usually worth it.


Yeah sure....and our society is the better for it, right?

To the OP...better to try and not date a woman with a child or two. The reasons are obvious.


Not often I agree with qwerty1234, but he's got this right!

andrewg - "the reasons are obvious", what do you mean by that? When my (now) wife and I met 15 years ago, she had a 4 year old. She'd also just completed her university degree (and is now 18 months off achieving her masters). We went out for a couple of years, bought a house, had 3 kids together, got married, had another baby...all the stuff we'd have done whether she was a single mum or not. I'm yet to see a clear response from any poster as to exactly why hooking up with a single mum is so bad.

 

[GMFan]

Originally Posted By: motor_oil_madman
I'm 26 and it seems harder and harder to not find a girl who hasn't gotten pregnant. It just seems like a nightmare and I'm not really at the stage to think about kids yet. I'm thinking in 10 years i'll think about it.


Women here are married with kids by 21. The single ones who are my age are all divorced with kids. I will say that if you are church going you you could meet a single girl your age if it's a large enough church. Most people I know met their wife that way. Good luck.

 

[supton]

Originally Posted By: GMFan
Originally Posted By: motor_oil_madman
I'm 26 and it seems harder and harder to not find a girl who hasn't gotten pregnant. It just seems like a nightmare and I'm not really at the stage to think about kids yet. I'm thinking in 10 years i'll think about it.


Women here are married with kids by 21. The single ones who are my age are all divorced with kids. I will say that if you are church going you you could meet a single girl your age if it's a large enough church. Most people I know met their wife that way. Good luck.


On the flip side, if they are "religious" and getting on in years they may well be expecting to have kids early. Not saying every woman is like that, just that I'd be concerned about it.

Most of my friends though did marry that way, as did I. If I was on the scene again I'd probably think about going back to college, take a couple of classes, and get involved in extracurricular activities. I'm sure lots of great relationships have started in bars--but I suspect even more started by forging common ground in shared pursuits.

 

[Blaze]

A friend of mine (58 yrs old) is dating a gal with two kids. She is only 36. Evidently she is done with guys in their 30's due to the fact they think its cooler to buy a $60k diesel pick-up with $700.00 month payments instead of wiser investments like real estate.

 

[CT8]

Originally Posted By: Burt
Don't get married. Buy a corvette instead. On second thought buy two corvettes.
it would be way cheaper.

 

[CT8]

Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
Motor_oil-madman,

Find a woman with a personality you like. If she has a child then date her and see what happens.

You are looking at this if she is a used car with 150K miles...

Probably. Driven hard and put away pregnant

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: hpb
Originally Posted By: andrewg
Originally Posted By: qwerty1234
This ain't the 50's anymore. Pregnant young ladies are no longer cast off. Dating a women with kid(s) can be challenging but usually worth it.


Yeah sure....and our society is the better for it, right?

To the OP...better to try and not date a woman with a child or two. The reasons are obvious.


Not often I agree with qwerty1234, but he's got this right!

andrewg - "the reasons are obvious", what do you mean by that? When my (now) wife and I met 15 years ago, she had a 4 year old. She'd also just completed her university degree (and is now 18 months off achieving her masters). We went out for a couple of years, bought a house, had 3 kids together, got married, had another baby...all the stuff we'd have done whether she was a single mum or not. I'm yet to see a clear response from any poster as to exactly why hooking up with a single mum is so bad.


If I have to give examples and some common sense answers to your question as to why a woman with children CAN be a poor choice...fine.

First of all, everything in life is about chance and odds....as well as a bit of luck thrown in. If a younger man is looking to date a woman, but ONLY wants ONE date....then you are correct. It makes no difference. But the purpose of dating can often be to choose a possible mate for the long term. If that is the OP's goal...then NO...dating a woman with children isn't the BEST idea. Note that I said the word "best"? It doesn't mean that things won't work out well. What it DOES mean is that the ODDS are that your chances of having relationship problems because of the OBVIOUS possibilities and complications, have increased greatly. Your chances of happiness and success at a long term partnership are naturally complicated....or worse. I really don't understand why you don't see this more than a possibility when having children within a strong relationship can even cause things to become frayed.
The thing is, since hundreds of MILLIONS of single, child-free females are within the realm of dating possibilities...why lesson your odds of happiness or make things more complicated than they need be with a female that has kids? Dating isn't about taking on children....is it? If it is, perhaps working part time in a daycare facility for a while may bring a persons senses back in line?!

You see, the problem with a discussion like this is that people like you (and others) will chime in and get all worked up because they found a great woman WITH children when they met. Things may have worked out very well....FOR THEM. But I'm telling you, the ODDS are against it being "one happy family".


Here is a female based website link that gives some reasons why men do not generally like to date single women with children. Many of the reasons are quite valid and logical.

http://www.just4moms.org/10-reason-men/

 

[hpb]

Thanks for your reply andrewg. Yes, I note your use of the word "BEST", which I did not see in your first post, if it was there. I guess my wife and I were very lucky to have beaten the odds, phew! Based on my experience, I still think ruling a woman out just because she already has a child is foolish, but clearly, it's all down to personal choice.

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: hpb
Thanks for your reply andrewg. Yes, I note your use of the word "BEST", which I did not see in your first post, if it was there. I guess my wife and I were very lucky to have beaten the odds, phew! Based on my experience, I still think ruling a woman out just because she already has a child is foolish, but clearly, it's all down to personal choice.


Okay. I just wanted it known that you can find love and great relationships wherever it may happen. But with all things being equal....no need to seek out or purposely choose a woman with children when plenty are available without. But for full disclosure, let me state that the greatest love of my life came with baggage (kids) as well. Fortunately, her "kids" are all grown men and have no need for a father. I did have a few issues to iron out nonetheless. Women with sons/daughters are a hard thing to contend with when they aren't your own. But yes, the odds can be overcome sometimes and make for a great relationship. But I was also involved with a woman whose children were a total nightmare....and so was the father. Horrible experience and I was a fool to have even started the relationship.

Anyway....life it what it is and choices are often made...right or wrong.

 

[aquariuscsm]

The ONLY women with kids I'll date are older women who's kids are grown adults. But then again,I prefer older woman anyway.

 

[hpb]

Originally Posted By: andrewg
Anyway....life it what it is and choices are often made...right or wrong.


Agreed. And as long as we learn from those wrong choices, we move forward! I appreciate your responses in this thread. Lots of people on here saying "Don't do it!", but not giving any reasons. I get the impression some people think single mums are a lower form of life, which obviously gets my back up pretty quick! So it was very decent of you to explain your own experiences of having been involved with ready made families and how it worked/didn't work for you. Cheers!