Crazy family matters. Need advice

[DrDusty86]

I got a call from my mother and her drug dealing boyfriend..Told her to go to [censored] and hung up. They literally blew my phone up.. over the next hour.

This is the same woman in the other thread. She started as an abusive alcoholic, then later using any drugs she could get her hands on.. I was beat, threatened, you name it. She use to load her 22 cal, hold it to her head and say "How would you like to live without a mommy" or something to that effect at least 4 times a week.. I used to lock myself in my room with my 20 gauge and cry myself asleep.

I could go on...
She was obviously under some influence when she called.
The cops that I dealt with growing up did NOTHING..ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I called the sheriff's Department that knows this 20+ year history and got the lady that was assigned back in 1997. She said "has any crime been committed?" I told her that she blew up my phone calling it..Was told that's not a crime and told only call back when something serious happens.
Is this the PD's way of telling me "deal with them however you see fit"? It sure seems that way
[censored]?
Thanks,
Dusty

 

[rjacket]

Has a crime been committed? If I remember correctly from legal friends, harm does not have to be actual physically carried out. It can be caused through threats and actions. Your well being has been affected and you feel in mortal danger. People have been arrested for threatening behavior.

Find someone used to dealing with these issues eg a private detective, a lawyer or even a shelter and ask them for advice.

 

[spasm3]

consider recording your phone calls, and consider a restraining order for both of them. Accept that she is ill and that you cannot help her. I would seek counseling for myself and try and leave that life behind. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through something like this. Don't try and do it alone.

 

[crazyoildude]

im sorry that you had to live like that... I dont know your State laws but in a lot of States "blowing up your phone" like you said is a crime and so is a few other things you mentioned.

 

[expat]

Can you explain HOW to blow up someones phone?

 

[DrDusty86]

I tried to leave back in 04'. She pulled a peace bond on me for some bogus reason and I wasn't even in the same county at the time she "alledged" my actions took place. I had to go to court, but it was later dropped. They didn't pay for a DIME! I was told a RO would cost me $800. Thats nuts! This is Coreyell County Sheriff's department in Gatesville Texas. I say she must have bought that department or something. I've heard of people doing that in small towns.
45 calls in under 26 minutes..BLOW BABY BLOW

I have had no contact with her for several years, then out of the blue she starts this [censored]..
I'm backed in a corner..It's not looking good guys.

 

[daves66nova]

Can you get a new phone number,or start having the numbers she calls form blocked?

 

[Audios]

Time to walk dusty. Seperate yourself from the situation entirely, and move on. Obviously she is not a good influence in your life, yet degrading you fufills her in some way. Best way to make yourself better is to not respond. I know its tough, but shell learn to live with herself and her problems, and not having you to throw [censored] on.

 

[DrDusty86]

I've had the same number for over 13 years. Changing it is not an option.

 

[DrDusty86]

Guys, I have tried to leave and break ALL contact with her.. I'm all for it. It's not tough, it's rather easy for "me" to break contact. She calls or sends me cards..IE mind games

 

[DrDusty86]

I've been dealing with it myself my whole life! The last therapist cried and said "I'm sorry you've had to go through this".. What a quack! I've got more stuff in my head from my past that ANY councilor I've meet can even come close to handling it.

 

[MNgopher]

I'm sorry, but its only a phone number. Saying it isn't possible to give it up is asinine.

People change numbers all the time (you used to not have any choice in the matter), and letting the important people know you've changed numbers is part of the deal.

And you do need some help. I was too stubborn to admit I needed help and almost lost my wife and kids because I was just dealing with it myself. Not very well it turns out. Not easy admitting you can't do it yourself sometimes. Been there, done that... In my case my employer had free services available that got me back on the right track.

 

[DrDusty86]

What's in my head stays there..I REFUSE to have them try 15 different "qualified people" or 10 medications..THAT, my BITOG friend is just wrong, yet they do it every day and it ends up hurting more people than it helps.

 

[callbay]

So sorry this is happening to you, Dusty. Almost every family seems to have a black sheep in it. Several members of my family and my wifes family caused all kinds of damage to our families. It still hurts. One of my good friends brother misbehaved for years and has not been heard from for years and presumed dead. I hear about it first hand a lot and I read about it on other forums.

You might want to post a tread about your problem on this forum also -


http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/

Just thought it might help a little bit to know you are not alone and people care.

 

[morris]

sounds like a good reason to legalize drugs to me.

 

[TooManyWheels]

Originally Posted By: DrDusty86
What's in my head stays there..I REFUSE to have them try 15 different "qualified people" or 10 medications..THAT, my BITOG friend is just wrong, yet they do it every day and it ends up hurting more people than it helps.


First, go to outofthefog.net and read up on the tricks that people with character disorders play on people around them. For instance, the mind games you talk about are called "hoovering" (like the vacuum, sucking you back in).

Then look up NAMI Austin. That is National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have a class called family to family that is about how to deal with the issues that surround having a sick family member. A lot of it is about the characteristics of the different illnesses, which you may not care about. But a lot of it is about taking care of yourself, and finding good resources should you decide you want them. They will know a lot of the ones in your area.

If you don't decide to go to the Family to Family class, at least show up at the support groups, which they will have in multiple locations in town. It helps immensely to know that there are other people going through the same thing. They also have peer-to-peer groups which you might find worthwhile. This is all free, although you might want to support the national organization.

I imagine you are saying "I'm tough, I don't need it. This is something adults deal with." But it isn't. It is having an effect. It is even apparent through your posts. (You may have complex PTSD). Do yourself a favor, and I mean that literally. Once this takes root in a family it tends to get passed down through generations. Stop it in it's tracks..... (By the way, there are ways to treat stress disorders without using drugs.)

PM me if you need more info, or encouragement.

 

[Dakota1820]

Well I can tell you from my personal awful experiences that cops dont like to get involved in family matters. I remember as a kid my parents went through a bad divorce and my dad beat my mom and me with a 4x4 and they didn't want to do a whole lot. Mind you we called when he threatened to come out and again when he showed up took them 45 mind after the second call to get there. I have learned though the best thing to do is act like they don't exist. Block their number or get a new number. If they find a way to call you as soon as you know it's them sorry but I have to go and hang up . Then block the number they called from. If they send you a letter or email just get rid of of don't read it. act like the don't exist. You don't need that kinda [censored]. No one does. Best thing I ever did was just let go. And believe me it was hard but was very well worth it. If you ever need a thing pm me. Hang in there and stay strong. And as far as a crime I believe you could report it for harrasment but I wont swear to it.

 

[DrDusty86]

Thanks Buddy

 

[Pop_Rivit]

You have two choices. Either you learn to deal with it, or find a way to cut the ties and go your separate ways.

You clearly don't want to go your separate ways given your reluctance to change your phone number (which would be less hassle than what you're dealing with by keeping it). So it's time to go see that therapist, join that support group, and learn to live with it.

 

[callbay]

Originally Posted By: TooManyWheels
Originally Posted By: DrDusty86
What's in my head stays there..I REFUSE to have them try 15 different "qualified people" or 10 medications..THAT, my BITOG friend is just wrong, yet they do it every day and it ends up hurting more people than it helps.


First, go to outofthefog.net and read up on the tricks that people with character disorders play on people around them. For instance, the mind games you talk about are called "hoovering" (like the vacuum, sucking you back in).

Then look up NAMI Austin. That is National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have a class called family to family that is about how to deal with the issues that surround having a sick family member. A lot of it is about the characteristics of the different illnesses, which you may not care about. But a lot of it is about taking care of yourself, and finding good resources should you decide you want them. They will know a lot of the ones in your area.

If you don't decide to go to the Family to Family class, at least show up at the support groups, which they will have in multiple locations in town. It helps immensely to know that there are other people going through the same thing. They also have peer-to-peer groups which you might find worthwhile. This is all free, although you might want to support the national organization.

I imagine you are saying "I'm tough, I don't need it. This is something adults deal with." But it isn't. It is having an effect. It is even apparent through your posts. (You may have complex PTSD). Do yourself a favor, and I mean that literally. Once this takes root in a family it tends to get passed down through generations. Stop it in it's tracks..... (By the way, there are ways to treat stress disorders without using drugs.)

PM me if you need more info, or encouragement.


Great advise, Tomanywheels.

We had a family member that we have had to ask to leave us alone and we will have seperate lives. This person was going out of her way to try to hurt my family time and time again including my kids. We have not heard a word from her in 7 years.