This is not a joke, it really happened, and is actually sad, as we share the roads with such people.
So I'm driving past the home store running a series of errands, and stop in for something simple, a quick in and out. As I am going to park, I see a guy pushing a lumber cart with three 12 foot 2x4's and some ratcheting straps upto his super shiny, semi late model 4 door pickup truck with oversized rims, low profile tires and a short bed. It was taking up more than just one parking spot.
So I park the next row over and am walking past and see him drop the tailgate. I walk into the store thinking about how he plans to secure those long 2x4's in his short bed truck, with the tailgate down. It makes no sense to me.
I quickly grab what I was after, hit the self checkout and am walking back to my vehicle within 2 minutes. Possibly a record.
I see he has now opened his pack of ratcheting straps, and has the hooks together under his tail gate, with the 2x4's in the middle of the bed, hanging almost 6 feet past the end of his truck. He was obstructing traffic in the parking lot as he was blocking a lane.
He is near the 'Contractor parking' area, and I see one guy go over to him, make a couple gestures, obviously indicating a better, safer way to secure the lumber, but this guy shakes his head, waves the guy off, determined to do it his way as he figures out how to take the slack out of the ratcheting straps.
I see that offering more advice would be pointless, and walk to my vehicle and get inside, just watching this guy. The contractor who tried to give him advice was in a truck next to me, and we are both watching this guy as he finally figures out how to operate the ratcheting strap, and starts levering it tight.
Now the ratcheting strap was not wrapped around the 2x4's, nor were they on their sides, but on their flats, side by side, in the middle of the bed. Even if he were able to apply 2 tons of clamping force, nothing much would stop the lumber from sliding out the back of the plastic, low friction bedliner.
So the guy begins to crank the lever, removes the slack, and really starts torquing the lever, putting his weight into it with two hands. Each lever push slams the hooks into the bottom of the tailgate, for the first 3 anyway, and still he keeps going. Goes until he visible distorts the ends of his tail gate sheet metal, from where I am parked, 30 feet away.
He realizes he just screwed up his truck, and throws a comical, limb flailing tantrum, even stomping his foot on the pavement like a woman.
The contractor and I are now quite amused and are laughing aloud. He has his phone out and is recording it. I wish I had thought of that.
The genius now grabs the lumber and tries to move it, and without resistance, it slides to the side of the bed.
He slides it back to the middle, and busts out another strap, and this time hooks the straps into the attachment points in the bed, and tightens this strap until it is as tight as a guitar string. These attachment points were not on the floor of the bed, but the uprights, and applied very little, if any, additional force to push the lumber tight to the floor.
Without even testing it, nor tying a red flag to the ends of the lumber hanging an illegal distance past the end of his truck, he quickly shoves his lumber cart into the next parking spot, and goes for the driver's door.
I can't let this guy go out on the road like this, and jump out to go stop him, but he starts up, backs out and takes off rather quickly, and the middle 2x4 slips out a couple feet and is now teetering on the lip of the tailgate. I am in the middle of the parking lot lane kind of dumbstruck at what I am witnessing and waving my arms for this guy to stop, unnoticed by this obvious supergenius. He hangs a turn toward the exit whose traffic light just turned green, and he punched it, his aftermarket exhaust roaring.
All 3 2x4's fell out of the back of the truck in the middle of the intersection.
He kept driving.
So I'm driving past the home store running a series of errands, and stop in for something simple, a quick in and out. As I am going to park, I see a guy pushing a lumber cart with three 12 foot 2x4's and some ratcheting straps upto his super shiny, semi late model 4 door pickup truck with oversized rims, low profile tires and a short bed. It was taking up more than just one parking spot.
So I park the next row over and am walking past and see him drop the tailgate. I walk into the store thinking about how he plans to secure those long 2x4's in his short bed truck, with the tailgate down. It makes no sense to me.
I quickly grab what I was after, hit the self checkout and am walking back to my vehicle within 2 minutes. Possibly a record.
I see he has now opened his pack of ratcheting straps, and has the hooks together under his tail gate, with the 2x4's in the middle of the bed, hanging almost 6 feet past the end of his truck. He was obstructing traffic in the parking lot as he was blocking a lane.
He is near the 'Contractor parking' area, and I see one guy go over to him, make a couple gestures, obviously indicating a better, safer way to secure the lumber, but this guy shakes his head, waves the guy off, determined to do it his way as he figures out how to take the slack out of the ratcheting straps.
I see that offering more advice would be pointless, and walk to my vehicle and get inside, just watching this guy. The contractor who tried to give him advice was in a truck next to me, and we are both watching this guy as he finally figures out how to operate the ratcheting strap, and starts levering it tight.
Now the ratcheting strap was not wrapped around the 2x4's, nor were they on their sides, but on their flats, side by side, in the middle of the bed. Even if he were able to apply 2 tons of clamping force, nothing much would stop the lumber from sliding out the back of the plastic, low friction bedliner.
So the guy begins to crank the lever, removes the slack, and really starts torquing the lever, putting his weight into it with two hands. Each lever push slams the hooks into the bottom of the tailgate, for the first 3 anyway, and still he keeps going. Goes until he visible distorts the ends of his tail gate sheet metal, from where I am parked, 30 feet away.
He realizes he just screwed up his truck, and throws a comical, limb flailing tantrum, even stomping his foot on the pavement like a woman.
The contractor and I are now quite amused and are laughing aloud. He has his phone out and is recording it. I wish I had thought of that.
The genius now grabs the lumber and tries to move it, and without resistance, it slides to the side of the bed.
He slides it back to the middle, and busts out another strap, and this time hooks the straps into the attachment points in the bed, and tightens this strap until it is as tight as a guitar string. These attachment points were not on the floor of the bed, but the uprights, and applied very little, if any, additional force to push the lumber tight to the floor.
Without even testing it, nor tying a red flag to the ends of the lumber hanging an illegal distance past the end of his truck, he quickly shoves his lumber cart into the next parking spot, and goes for the driver's door.
I can't let this guy go out on the road like this, and jump out to go stop him, but he starts up, backs out and takes off rather quickly, and the middle 2x4 slips out a couple feet and is now teetering on the lip of the tailgate. I am in the middle of the parking lot lane kind of dumbstruck at what I am witnessing and waving my arms for this guy to stop, unnoticed by this obvious supergenius. He hangs a turn toward the exit whose traffic light just turned green, and he punched it, his aftermarket exhaust roaring.
All 3 2x4's fell out of the back of the truck in the middle of the intersection.
He kept driving.
