Brand-isms

[OVERKILL]

Was in the shower and started thinking about issues/characteristics that seemed unique to brands I'd owned. Please add your own.

BMW:
- Yes, the plastic inside the engine bay is sensitive to heat, why do you ask?
- No, silicone rubber doesn't make sense as a gasket material
- There's nothing unusual about plastic cooling system parts with a regular replacement interval.
- We prefer to change things as an assembly
- What do you mean it's an answer to a question nobody asked?

Ford:
- Changing the spark plugs?
- Who services their exhaust system? What do you mean it's leaking? Drilling out what now?
- Sunroof drains going through the rockers, what could possibly go wrong?
- Mounting heat-sensitive electronics to the engine is a sound engineering decision

FCA:
- Jim does the body grounds and Jim is drunk.
- That's the right oil. No, wait, this is now the right oil
- Yes, that's a 2-piece lugnut. Yes, it's junk. Yes, we only sell 2-piece lugnuts, yes, you need new ones

GM:
- Chasing hubcaps is an excellent form of exercise. Call it a feature.
- It's supposed to be that slow
- "upscale interior"/Why does my Cadillac look like a Cavalier?

Mazda:
- Corrosion protection?
- Yes, that part says Ford on it

 

[pezzy669]

Mercedes Benz:

Service department taking observations of customers - 'How big is your wallet and how much will you let me pillage?'

 

[Snagglefoot]

Mercedes Benz II:

I don't want to touch icky stuff. I'm late for the opera. Let the authorized dealer do it.

 

[SwampSurvivor]

Added a few of my own

Ford:

- If we could figure out how to make our Aluminum rust as bad as our sheet metal, we would!

FCA:
- Every vehicle has its own special TIPM failure, you have to guess what we designed into each one!

GM:
- We have been making this 3.6 for 15 years now, this time we really have the timing chains right this time ... nevermind.


Nissan:
- No one actually wants one, just the $199 lease
- We purposefully engineered our CVTs to only last a three year lease!

 

[edyvw]

Toyota:
-It is moving forward! What else do you want?

 

[HowAboutThis]

Originally Posted by edyvw
Toyota:
-It is moving forward! What else do you want?

-It moves and only needs oil changes, what else do you want.

Fixed it for you.

 

[mclasser]

Chrysler:
- Yeah, we made Dodge, Chrysler & Plymouth versions of the same car for years. Don't ask us why, though!

Ford:
- Yeah, we made Ford & Mercury versions of the same car for years. Don't ask us why, though!

GM:
- Yeah, we made GMC, Chevy, Oldsmobile, Pontiac, Buick, Cadillac versions of the same car for years. Don't ask us why, though!

 

[edyvw]

Originally Posted by HowAboutThis
Originally Posted by edyvw
Toyota:
-It is moving forward! What else do you want?

-It moves and only needs oil changes, what else do you want.

Fixed it for you.

Lol, as owner now of Sienna, and owner of Land Cruiser last 5 years (European version) I can only laugh at you.
I invested in Sienna since September 2018 more than in Tiguan since 2013, and Tiguan is built like a tank compared to this POS!
Slow heating: well, install block heater (not necessary on VW). Still takes longer to warm up than VW or even my previous car, BMW diesel.
Vibrating brakes: well, it is kind of issue on all Toyota's if bit aggressive driving (we make cars for people driving 20mph below speed limit in left lane, after all). So, get something aftermarket.
Land Cruiser: Change ball joints on front suspension at every OCI, together with vibrating front rotors.
EGR on 3.0 D-4D: have one ALWAYS in the trunk just in case!
Back pressure valve after turbo assembly: have one in trunk too, MANDATORY.
Get laboratory clean diesel, as our common-rail pump requires one.

And favorite: we give you JBL system in SIenna, just do not crank up because we cannot guarantee that windows are not going to fall off, but they will provide good acoustic addition in way of unbearable rattling.

 

[PeterPolyol]

Toyota:
-muh kool aid!
-muh illusory superiority

 

[John_K]

Originally Posted by Miller88
Added a few of my own

Ford:

- If we could figure out how to make our Aluminum rust as bad as our sheet metal, we would!

 

[CT8]

Originally Posted by John_K
Originally Posted by Miller88
Added a few of my own

Ford:

- If we could figure out how to make our Aluminum rust as bad as our sheet metal, we would!

It is military grade Aluminum what ever that means

 

[maxdustington]

Originally Posted by mclasser
GM:
- Yeah, we made GMC, Chevy, Oldsmobile, Pontiac, Buick, Cadillac versions of the same car for years. Don't ask us why, though!

 

[CT8]

From my experience Ford has Ford problems, G.M has GM problems, Toyotas have Toyota problems etc.

 

[Nick1994]

Ford: Our Focus comes standard with a DCT transmission. May require replacement every 40k miles. No we're not going to engineer a new transmission, that's just silly, that's what extended aftermarket warranties are for.

Jeep: It's a Jeep thing, you wouldn't understand. Your pockets are empty? Welcome to the club.

VW: Free forehead skin cancer screenings from the CEL shining for 6 years/72k miles.

Toyota: More grille, MORE grille, MMMOOOOOOOORRRRREEEEEE GRILLE!!!!!

 

[DirectRejection]

More VW.

Since we can't get away with cheating on diesel fumes anymore,
and since we are famous for electrical problems,
we are going to introduce the retro all-new, all-electric Micro Van.

Hyundai.

Better than Toyota.
Only cheaper.

Kia.

Better than Hyundai.
Much better than Daihatsu.

 

[supton]

Originally Posted by edyvw
Toyota:
-It is moving forward! What else do you want?

-Moving forward, whether you want to or not.
-Rusting out, whether you want to or not.
-What do you mean, frame replacement every few years isn't considered "normal" maintenance?

 

[StevieC]

Audi:
- We fixed the issues with the VW's, buy this instead. Well for the most part anyways.

BMW:
- The ultimate driving machine, when it works and doesn't require expensive electrical repairs or gaskets.
- Show the world you paid too much for unreliable engineering.
- It's a permit to hog the left lane and drive like a complete arse.

Chrysler:

- No need to check/change the transmission fluid. You will just change the transmission anyway.
- Socializing the debt while privatizing the profits. It works for GM so why not?
- Now if we could get people to buy anything but Mini-vans, Jeeps, and Trucks we'd be set.
- Mass air flow sensors? Hahahahahaha
- Surprise... TIPM! Who needs relays to be replaceable for less than $1,000

Ford:

- Not really sure this what we are doing but we got the trucks right.
- You need to be this short to fit in our cars without a V8
- Who needs a V8 when you can do it with a V6.
- No really 5w20 is fine, we mean 5w30

GM:

- Testing your check engine lights and oil seals / gaskets regularly
- You're welcome for the new oil spec even though no one needed it but us
- We try not to make a mess of your driveway but keeping fluids where they are supposed to be is hard
- Socializing the debt while privatizing the profits.
- Why make repairs easy when they can be difficult.

Mercedes:
- My repair bill is bigger than yours.
- It's a permit to hog the left lane and drive under the speed limit.
- "The best or nothing"
Toyota:
- Bland as the cardboard box your fridge came in, but as reliable as the fridge from the 50's that won't quit. (Usually)
- ***** eco models that satisfy.

Castrol:

- We will sell conventional for near synthetic pricing and synthetic for near conventional pricing.

Bosch:
- If it came with a Bosch it might work, if it came with anything but Bosch, steer clear.
- We couldn't even spell "Botched" correctly.
- We might invent things but we will let other manufacturers perfect it.

 

[Quattro Pete]

FCA:
- No, you can't have front parking sensors to prevent damage to your super low hanging bumper, not even as an option.

 

[StevieC]

Originally Posted by Quattro Pete
FCA:
- No, you can't have front parking sensors to prevent damage to your super low hanging bumper, not even as an option.

They were offered as an option on the 300's our friends that just bought the CX-5 had a 300 previously and it had the front sensors.

 

[OVERKILL]

Originally Posted by Quattro Pete
FCA:
- No, you can't have front parking sensors to prevent damage to your super low hanging bumper, not even as an option.


I think you can, but you need to order the Adaptive Cruise Control to get it. IIRC, that was how it was on my '14 anyways