Being Highly Responsible in a Me-Me-Me World.

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"I'm HIGHLY responsible and accountable and it's driving my crazy!!

54 years old, always been this way; nickname in the Engineering Dept. for over 20 years was "Eagle Scout".

See it, Own it, Do it. All my life. Never late for anything or anyone, not one single day on any bill, everything paid off. All things taken care of around the house. Cars ultra well taken care of. ON & ON...."

Reading this....Perhapsthe kids are not holding up their end.

BUT, Perhaps YOU are abit 'over the the top' and 'up tight'

Just saying.
 
Originally Posted By: Phishin
Originally Posted By: Turk
Originally Posted By: John_K
My parents didn't ask they just said "mow the lawn". I knew things would be taken away if I didn't. Maybe you need to take that approach.

John


They're my Step-Kids. I don't dare tell them to do anything. I ask one time in 5 years and they went into meltdown.


I'm on my second wife. She brought two children into our marriage. I have full custody of my son, from my previous marriage. So, we have 3 children at home. Two of them are my step children.

My kids are 11, 10, and 9. My biological son is the 10 year old.

The other two kids don't help around the house at all. My 10 year old is a MACHINE!! He helps me NON-STOP. I expect it and he steps up to the plate. I run a small "hobby farm"....goats, rabbits, and a miniature donkey, and he spends 1.5 hours every day helping me do chores....before he does his homework. He is very well behaved.

The other two won't help me do anything. EVER. They are my step kids.

My wife won't let me be forceful with them. She will tear my head off. It's not worth the fight.

The day is coming when I pay the price for not putting my foot down and being the disciplinarian for ALL 3 KIDS!!!


It's hard to do after it has been out of control. My advice, ease them into it. Family discussion first....and slowly add chores and tie them to the things each kid likes. IMHO that is the only way. They aren't dumb. They will take every inch you give. Be fair but tough.

Mine walk all over my wife...and they admit it. When we talk (my boys dont talk to mom much as she is a yeller and never happy kinda gal) they say it outright, mom doesnt follow thru so we know shes just yelling. I yess too, but I also smack the [censored] outa them when they deserve it and I take things away.

They respect the discipline and have told me it isnt fun but they like the structure.
 
cpayne5} Well said:
Their Dad gave them the cell phones & pays for them. We would not give them to them. They said we cannot take away something their Dad gave them. Plus, they're 17 & 20...
Click to expand...
 
Originally Posted By: Phishin
Originally Posted By: Turk
Originally Posted By: John_K
My parents didn't ask they just said "mow the lawn". I knew things would be taken away if I didn't. Maybe you need to take that approach.

John


They're my Step-Kids. I don't dare tell them to do anything. I ask one time in 5 years and they went into meltdown.


I'm on my second wife. She brought two children into our marriage. I have full custody of my son, from my previous marriage. So, we have 3 children at home. Two of them are my step children.

My kids are 11, 10, and 9. My biological son is the 10 year old.

The other two kids don't help around the house at all. My 10 year old is a MACHINE!! He helps me NON-STOP. I expect it and he steps up to the plate. I run a small "hobby farm"....goats, rabbits, and a miniature donkey, and he spends 1.5 hours every day helping me do chores....before he does his homework. He is very well behaved.

The other two won't help me do anything. EVER. They are my step kids.

My wife won't let me be forceful with them. She will tear my head off. It's not worth the fight.

The day is coming when I pay the price for not putting my foot down and being the disciplinarian for ALL 3 KIDS!!!


Right. GET THIS......

Plus, I let them know how we were raised helping all the time and
I do not know why we don't get much help, I was told by the 17 Year Old: "This is the 21st Century!"
 
Originally Posted By: Turk


Their Dad gave them the cell phones & pays for them. We would not give them to them. They said we cannot take away something their Dad gave them. Plus, they're 17 & 20...



They live in your house which gives you the right to take away privileges. Simple as that. If they don't want to live by your rules, then the option at that point becomes eviction. Yes, drastic, but sometimes it comes down to a black and white decision.

You seem like a good guy who wants to do right, but you are simply enabling these kids at this point. You are rationalizing and making excuses. If it truly were a big enough deal, you'd do something about it. You *can* do something about it, but you're choosing not to.
 
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Well, Turk, you've got a problem...no, you can't take away the cell phones, at least, I don't think so...were I the father, I would object, with grounds.

So, start with the things that are in your control: food, A/C, room, Wi-fi, car, spending money.

20 year old can be told, in simple terms, "These are the rules, if you don't like them, there's the door" 17 year old is one year away from that...

What do these kids even do that one is at home at 20 years old?

But they're enabled, that's for certain...and you've got a struggle on your hands...
 
Originally Posted By: Turk
Their Dad gave them the cell phones & pays for them. We would not give them to them. They said we cannot take away something their Dad gave them. Plus, they're 17 & 20...


It is your house, and if your wife is behind you, implement a no cell phone policy while in the house. The moment they turn on their cell phones in the house, the devices will be confiscated and only returned upon leaving the house. While at it I would put a password or change it on the wifi so that they rack up their dad's data plan.
Schools do it, why can't you? Why do you even listen to a 17 and a 20 year old?
 
Yeah you can't really take away their cell phones, BUT...

It only takes about 30 seconds to log into the router and change the wifi password. Tell them they'll get the new password when they do what they need to do. If they don't do it then let them run up the data on their dad's data plan, not your problem. Eventually they'll start to do more.
 
Originally Posted By: Astro14
Well, Turk, you've got a problem...no, you can't take away the cell phones, at least, I don't think so...were I the father, I would object, with grounds.

So, start with the things that are in your control: food, A/C, room, Wi-fi, car, spending money.

20 year old can be told, in simple terms, "These are the rules, if you don't like them, there's the door" 17 year old is one year away from that...

What do these kids even do that one is at home at 20 years old?

But they're enabled, that's for certain...and you've got a struggle on your hands...


20 YO is on Summer break from a highly-regarded Private College.

Yea, her Mom told them that. They just carry on.

There's a lot of irresponsible adults out there as well; I worked a lot today to bail them out. There was no way to say no in this situation.
 
Originally Posted By: Nick1994
Yeah you can't really take away their cell phones, BUT...

It only takes about 30 seconds to log into the router and change the wifi password. Tell them they'll get the new password when they do what they need to do. If they don't do it then let them run up the data on their dad's data plan, not your problem. Eventually they'll start to do more.


Wait, what? You mean there are STILL people with limited data plans?!
 
Originally Posted By: Astro14

What do these kids even do that one is at home at 20 years old?


After college was over, I lived at home until I was 22. Made more sense to me to pay "rent" to my parents and work in an area I hated, with the option to move out whenever I wanted rather than work myself into a lease or a mortgage in an area I didn't care to live.
 
Originally Posted By: Turk

The Teens are on their iPhones, & other small electronics ALL the time. Barely lift a finger. I ask they don't want to help.


Simple ... if you are paying for their devices and service then stop doing that unless they take some responsibility to help out as you need. Sitting back doing nothing while parents pay to support everything they do is a sign they have the parents under complete control.

The new generation is basically memorized and in zombie land over being connected all the time with their cell phones/devices. It makes them lazy and will slowly erode the whole work ethics of society. Why get educated or go to work when China can make all the stuff we need and Mommy and Daddy will buy it for us. LoL
 
Originally Posted By: KrisZ
With kids at least, you are in control and you should be in control.


I get a kick out of my neighbors who still have kids that are in their late 20s, early 30s still living at home. Wow, grow a pair and kick their butts out to be responsible on their own.
 
Originally Posted By: Nick1994
Yeah you can't really take away their cell phones, BUT...

It only takes about 30 seconds to log into the router and change the wifi password. Tell them they'll get the new password when they do what they need to do. If they don't do it then let them run up the data on their dad's data plan, not your problem. Eventually they'll start to do more.

+1
When they throw a fit, simply state "It IS the 21st century!"

I grew up in a blended family from the age of 9. Absolute disaster.
 
My take on this situation. The 20 yr old needs to get a job and pay for her luxuries,bills,lifestyle,etc. The 17 yr old's bills need to be payed by her father (unless you've legally adopted her).

Man I feel for you. It'd have to be a difficult thing to discipline someone else's kids. I don't think I'd be able to do it.
 
Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
My take on this situation. The 20 yr old needs to get a job and pay for her luxuries,bills,lifestyle,etc. The 17 yr old's bills need to be payed by her father (unless you've legally adopted her).

Man I feel for you. It'd have to be a difficult thing to discipline someone else's kids. I don't think I'd be able to do it.

^This.

I've been a spectator while friends have had to deal with it and it never went well, even when both parties backed each other. On the other hand, maybe if things get miserable enough, they'll go live with their real Dad and see how good they really had it here...or Dad will throw them out.
 
Last edited:
Of course, it could be better at real dad's house.

(not speaking about anyone here in particular, just in generalities)

My daughter is all but living full time with me now and not my ex-wife.

I'm the one she turns to to get help with homework, to be her training partner for running or triathlons, going to the gym, etc.


Originally Posted By: opus1
Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
My take on this situation. The 20 yr old needs to get a job and pay for her luxuries,bills,lifestyle,etc. The 17 yr old's bills need to be payed by her father (unless you've legally adopted her).

Man I feel for you. It'd have to be a difficult thing to discipline someone else's kids. I don't think I'd be able to do it.

^This.

I've been a spectator while friends have had to deal with it and it never went well, even when both parties backed each other. On the other hand, maybe if things get miserable enough, they'll go live with their real Dad and see how good they really had it here...or Dad will throw them out.
 
Originally Posted By: Turk
Originally Posted By: John_K
My parents didn't ask they just said "mow the lawn". I knew things would be taken away if I didn't. Maybe you need to take that approach.

John


They're my Step-Kids. I don't dare tell them to do anything. I ask one time in 5 years and they went into meltdown.

Oh, but I gave up my home for them to finish up their high school in their city they lived in (after my wife & I agreed to sell her house...)

See? Ultra caring & giving, Ultra responsible and look where it gets me. Adults too.




I was a step kid, still expected if I lived there I would help.
 
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