Alzheimers sucks

[dbias]

Long hard day today.
Brother and sister are RNs and have been invaluable in helping with our mother during her slide into alzheimers.
She thinks my father is my long gone grandfather and doesn't recognize my other brother. She has recently started demanding to go home and is fixated that I'm the only that knows how to get her there.
The cruelty of the situation is both mom and dad have taken great care of themselves and having just crossed into their 90s could still probably do a 5k walk.
I've had to reorganize our efforts to manage the situation. Number 1 is to block all news channels as the more she watches the more she insists for me to take her home. When I got there today I changed the TV to our local 60s and 70s sitcoms channel, think Andy Griffith, Gomer Pyle, Green Acres and she chilled out soon and came back to us somewhat.
I of course know every day is different and it won't get any better but she is in the confusion stage and "home" is a yearning for comfort as she gets agitated and tired.
At least I can make her laugh since I can't take her home as she asks, because as I tell her she is my favorite mother.
I helped my dad through this with his dad 20 some years ago and I know first hand how this is going to end.
Praying for strength.

 

[CharBaby]

Prayers sent.

 

[Nick1994]

Sorry to hear what you’re going through, the mind failing is a terrible thing. My great-aunt has dementia really bad, and she was put into a facility last spring. She’s actually adapted quite well.

She doesn’t know who any of her kids are. She recognizes most of us in the family as a familiar face but has no idea who we are. She thinks we’re friends I guess.

 

[vavavroom]

That's one of the most difficult and stressful situations. You and everyone else who keeps hanging in there and dealing with it has my respect. Best wishes to everyone involved.

 

[Leo99]

I don't want to be sexist. Just my observation but I find men handle a loved one's dementia much worse than women. Men feel a need to use logic and explanations to try and jog forgotten memories while women just go along with whatever the ill one says and tries to keep them happy.

When my mother was in the nursing home, I'd see folks with dementia and it often occured to me that their loved ones had it worse than the loved ones whose parents where physically ill but still had their wits about them. Dementia is an extremely rough thing to deal with. Not for the patient but their family. Best wishes and keep strong.

 

[ctechbob]

An electronics youtuber (of all things) had his mother pass away from that horrible disease and put together what I thought is a pretty well thought out and touching 'how to' so to speak on how to handle loved ones with it.





We were, lucky I guess, my mother-in-law's bout with it was extremely short, going through pretty much everything in the span of a couple of months, but those were still pretty rough.

Thoughts and prayers headed your way!

 

[Jetronic]

I don't want to be sexist. Just my observation but I find men handle a loved one's dementia much worse than women. Men feel a need to use logic and explanations to try and jog forgotten memories while women just go along with whatever the ill one says and tries to keep them happy.

When my mother was in the nursing home, I'd see folks with dementia and it often occured to me that their loved ones had it worse than the loved ones whose parents where physically ill but still had their wits about them. Dementia is an extremely rough thing to deal with. Not for the patient but their family. Best wishes and keep strong.

It is "sort of" a blessing that the patients don't realise they are dementing I suppose. I try to take comfort in that.

 

[bbhero]

Tough and very rough circumstance dbias. .

I dealt with patients with this especially while working in a high end retirement center.

Take care of yourself... And take everything one day at a time.

 

[sopususer]

Prayers for you. Lost my mom to dementia in February of this year. It was about a 2 1/2 year experience. Sad disease and so hard on the family. Mom was in a wonderful memory care, and I don't know what I would have done without them. But you said it in your thread title; it does suck. Take care of yourself.

 

[BISCUT]

I'm saddened for you. It is not easy. My grandmother began sliding into the void about 86 and it was a lot worse by 90. She made it to 98 and the disease finally took her. This lady was a horse! No other medical issues and she could walk for miles.

It's a hard road, stay the course and try to be as patient as you can. Prayers for you!

 

[BMWTurboDzl]

It's not easy and it's even harder for the surviving spouse. Wish you the best. At least she's not physically aggressive which would require heavy sedation. I know what that's like.

 

[MasterSolenoid]

OP, sorry to hear about your Mother.
Hopefully you have her in a good facility and can put all your attention on just visiting her.

When my Mother was in a Memory Care Facility, my Brothers and I would take the 'bath towels' and put them on her bed and ask her to fold them.
She became occupied with the folding and we could then leave.

When she went into a Nursing Home, we bought her a $20. life like doll from Walmart (very life like).
That became her best friend and she would always talk to it / had to have it with her.

Note: We named the doll Sluggo (not Slugger, he wasn't looking for a fight).
The Aids once put nail-polish on Sluggo and we had to say, "he's a boy" and thought maybe an anchor tattoo on his arm would help.

 

[demarpaint]

Prayers sent. My MIL had it, it was a horrible 15 years. She started with it when she was 70 years old.

 

[Donald]

OP - is your mother in a memory care unit?

 

[dbias]

I don't want to be sexist. Just my observation but I find men handle a loved one's dementia much worse than women. Men feel a need to use logic and explanations to try and jog forgotten memories while women just go along with whatever the ill one says and tries to keep them happy.

When my mother was in the nursing home, I'd see folks with dementia and it often occured to me that their loved ones had it worse than the loved ones whose parents where physically ill but still had their wits about them. Dementia is an extremely rough thing to deal with. Not for the patient but their family. Best wishes and keep strong.

I agree with what you said. My instinct is to mention she is at home, look at all of the pictures on the wall where as my sister a grizzled ER, trauma and psych nurse just diverts her attention. This last year and a half with Covid19 has been bad in that mom and dad have stopped going out and I think setting at home is fueling her frustration.
I've tried the take her out and see things, go to the park type thing but most times it back fires when I take her back home and she gets upset. In her defense where they live now was my dads parents house and she remembers this even though she had the house remodeled before they moved into it.
As her mind and world gets smaller it will keep me on my toes to try and keep things as normal as possible especially for my dad. I have deer hunting excursions planned for me and my dad this coming fall. I feel in some weird way worse for him than I do mom.

 

[dbias]

OP - is your mother in a memory care unit?

Not yet. Between us kids and home health nursing support arrangements and the wishes of my father we are trying to extend her time at "home" as long as possible.

 

[97prizm]

I feel your pain. My grandfather died back in April, one week before his 93rd birthday. Up until 90 he was really with it. There is medication that helps slow or stop the onset but has to be taken daily.

 

[Chris142]

We went through this with my dad. He lived 10 years after being diagnosed. 3 at home and 7 in a home. The cost of the home killed us financially.

He always knew who we were. One time he jumped the fence at the home and walked 13 miles to the house.

 

[IndyFan]

Long hard day today.
Brother and sister are RNs and have been invaluable in helping with our mother during her slide into alzheimers.
She thinks my father is my long gone grandfather and doesn't recognize my other brother. She has recently started demanding to go home and is fixated that I'm the only that knows how to get her there.
The cruelty of the situation is both mom and dad have taken great care of themselves and having just crossed into their 90s could still probably do a 5k walk.
I've had to reorganize our efforts to manage the situation. Number 1 is to block all news channels as the more she watches the more she insists for me to take her home. When I got there today I changed the TV to our local 60s and 70s sitcoms channel, think Andy Griffith, Gomer Pyle, Green Acres and she chilled out soon and came back to us somewhat.
I of course know every day is different and it won't get any better but she is in the confusion stage and "home" is a yearning for comfort as she gets agitated and tired.
At least I can make her laugh since I can't take her home as she asks, because as I tell her she is my favorite mother.
I helped my dad through this with his dad 20 some years ago and I know first hand how this is going to end.
Praying for strength.

We'll be praying for you and your Mom!

 

[53' Stude]

Praying for you and your family sir