Its hard to say let it go but maybe its the best solution. Or, wait until you have a day that you dont give a #$%^ and just bring it up.
A gift promised then nothing received?
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JHZR2
Staff member
Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
Originally Posted By: JHZR2
What gets me is that they didn't even give me a congratulatory card, no card or gifts when others were giving them, and nothing or any mention since. Again, it's not about the gift, if anything gets me, it's more that a card and/or a nice note would have been appreciated.
Advice?
Get over it. Just because you didn't get a card or the recognition isn't something to get worked up about.
You seem to misunderstand. Anything would have been nice, this is family and there is long precedent. The fear is much more of that something was given, intercepted/removed from the mail, and cashed.
Yeah a note would have been nice, but the fact that nothing came, gift or not, makes me worried. Others have caught on well - bring it up and look like I'm pushing a gift; or if the worst has happened and I drop it, then I look like a jerk for not being thankful for a gift that someone stole.
Not sure if it's possible for an intercepted check to be cashed, there are some shady businesses out there...
Originally Posted By: JHZR2
What gets me is that they didn't even give me a congratulatory card, no card or gifts when others were giving them, and nothing or any mention since. Again, it's not about the gift, if anything gets me, it's more that a card and/or a nice note would have been appreciated.
Advice?
Get over it. Just because you didn't get a card or the recognition isn't something to get worked up about.
You seem to misunderstand. Anything would have been nice, this is family and there is long precedent. The fear is much more of that something was given, intercepted/removed from the mail, and cashed.
Yeah a note would have been nice, but the fact that nothing came, gift or not, makes me worried. Others have caught on well - bring it up and look like I'm pushing a gift; or if the worst has happened and I drop it, then I look like a jerk for not being thankful for a gift that someone stole.
Not sure if it's possible for an intercepted check to be cashed, there are some shady businesses out there...
A similar situation happened to me.
My wife told me a couple we know well was having money problems and there electric water heater just quit. I have worked on water heaters a lot to I called the couple and said I would be glad to come over and work on it for them.
I spent several hours there one day draining the heater, cleaning our lime and putting in a new element that I had. The next day I went to town for parts to fix a leak that they had in an a/c condensate line that was getting their carpet wet.
I spent many hours there and gas to go town and money for parts.
The man called that night and said he and his wife will take my wife and I to a great restaurant for dinner for me helping them.
They never did and it's been about two years ago. They never even paid me back for the parts. I did not help them to be repaid but when they did not follow through with their promise it hurt.
It bothered me for a while and then I started using a new way of thinking about this kind of things. I don't expect anything from people. Not a thing. I don't even expect them to respond to e-mails I send. I don't expect them to do what they say they are going to do. I don't expect negative things though either. I just don't expect anything. If I receive something good I am pleasantly surprised now. It keeps me from being disappointed.
My wife told me a couple we know well was having money problems and there electric water heater just quit. I have worked on water heaters a lot to I called the couple and said I would be glad to come over and work on it for them.
I spent several hours there one day draining the heater, cleaning our lime and putting in a new element that I had. The next day I went to town for parts to fix a leak that they had in an a/c condensate line that was getting their carpet wet.
I spent many hours there and gas to go town and money for parts.
The man called that night and said he and his wife will take my wife and I to a great restaurant for dinner for me helping them.
They never did and it's been about two years ago. They never even paid me back for the parts. I did not help them to be repaid but when they did not follow through with their promise it hurt.
It bothered me for a while and then I started using a new way of thinking about this kind of things. I don't expect anything from people. Not a thing. I don't even expect them to respond to e-mails I send. I don't expect them to do what they say they are going to do. I don't expect negative things though either. I just don't expect anything. If I receive something good I am pleasantly surprised now. It keeps me from being disappointed.
Any definitive info as to what form the money was going to be in?
Are we 100% sure it was supposed to be a check?
What if it was a gift card?
because if it was a gift card, and it got lost in the mail, they will never know it got lost.
If it was a check, then of course they will see that it didn't get cashed...and might inquire about it.
If it was a check, and someone ELSE cashed it, that's the worst case scenario...
Also I don't understand why someone would MAIL it, if they were coming to the party anyway? seems a bit unusual...
Are there any close mutual friends that you can get to inquire for you in a casual manner?
Are we 100% sure it was supposed to be a check?
What if it was a gift card?
because if it was a gift card, and it got lost in the mail, they will never know it got lost.
If it was a check, then of course they will see that it didn't get cashed...and might inquire about it.
If it was a check, and someone ELSE cashed it, that's the worst case scenario...
Also I don't understand why someone would MAIL it, if they were coming to the party anyway? seems a bit unusual...
Are there any close mutual friends that you can get to inquire for you in a casual manner?
Originally Posted By: callbay
The man called that night and said he and his wife will take my wife and I to a great restaurant for dinner for me helping them.
Kind of reminds me of the time I applied for a job and put this guys name down so he could get an employee referral bonus if I was hired and stayed with the company. The amount was $1,000. My friend said he knows someone there. I told him I listed his name and he mentioned he would take me to lunch which I thought was nice. Never did receive lunch.
Back to the OP, if it were my parents then I'd be comfortable enough to bring it up. Esp with dad since he doesn't hesitate saying what's on his mind. Maybe my brother. But I think it was mentioned the family member has a history of this, which says a lot right there.
Also reminds me of my cousins who attended my brother's wedding and never sent a gift. They said at the wedding they have a year to send something. They happen to be very wealthy. Used to own a well known mattress company for a region in the U.S that begins with a "S".
The man called that night and said he and his wife will take my wife and I to a great restaurant for dinner for me helping them.
Kind of reminds me of the time I applied for a job and put this guys name down so he could get an employee referral bonus if I was hired and stayed with the company. The amount was $1,000. My friend said he knows someone there. I told him I listed his name and he mentioned he would take me to lunch which I thought was nice. Never did receive lunch.
Back to the OP, if it were my parents then I'd be comfortable enough to bring it up. Esp with dad since he doesn't hesitate saying what's on his mind. Maybe my brother. But I think it was mentioned the family member has a history of this, which says a lot right there.
Also reminds me of my cousins who attended my brother's wedding and never sent a gift. They said at the wedding they have a year to send something. They happen to be very wealthy. Used to own a well known mattress company for a region in the U.S that begins with a "S".
Originally Posted By: JHZR2
Not sure if it's possible for an intercepted check to be cashed, there are some shady businesses out there...
This happened to me once--a family member sent a check but kept calling to make sure it arrived. It never did, and he stopped payment at his bank on the day the cashed check got to them. We rented a PO box after that.
The postal inspector ultimately showed me a bank surveillance photo of my neighbor cashing the check, but I think the teller was also complicit. My wife's and my names had been written on the back, along with numbers that in no way matched our social security or license numbers.
Not sure if it's possible for an intercepted check to be cashed, there are some shady businesses out there...
This happened to me once--a family member sent a check but kept calling to make sure it arrived. It never did, and he stopped payment at his bank on the day the cashed check got to them. We rented a PO box after that.
The postal inspector ultimately showed me a bank surveillance photo of my neighbor cashing the check, but I think the teller was also complicit. My wife's and my names had been written on the back, along with numbers that in no way matched our social security or license numbers.
Originally Posted By: Rhymingmechanic
The postal inspector ultimately showed me a bank surveillance photo of my neighbor cashing the check, but I think the teller was also complicit.
Agreed, all the teller had to do was ask for ID which is s.o.p.
The postal inspector ultimately showed me a bank surveillance photo of my neighbor cashing the check, but I think the teller was also complicit.
Agreed, all the teller had to do was ask for ID which is s.o.p.
Originally Posted By: callbay
...It bothered me for a while and then I started using a new way of thinking about this kind of things. I don't expect anything from people. Not a thing. I don't even expect them to respond to e-mails I send. I don't expect them to do what they say they are going to do. I don't expect negative things though either. I just don't expect anything. If I receive something good I am pleasantly surprised now. It keeps me from being disappointed.
I had to go look up a Ben Franklin quote:
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
...It bothered me for a while and then I started using a new way of thinking about this kind of things. I don't expect anything from people. Not a thing. I don't even expect them to respond to e-mails I send. I don't expect them to do what they say they are going to do. I don't expect negative things though either. I just don't expect anything. If I receive something good I am pleasantly surprised now. It keeps me from being disappointed.
I had to go look up a Ben Franklin quote:
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
I don't think the OP is expecting anything - he states that quite clearly.
I think he is more worried about the gift givers regarding him as someone who's not thankful, if what the OP fears has happened. (check lost/cashed by someone other than him).
I think he is more worried about the gift givers regarding him as someone who's not thankful, if what the OP fears has happened. (check lost/cashed by someone other than him).
gathermewool
Site Donor 2025
I like the idea of a mutually-respected family member or friend bringing it up, preferably one who gave a gift to the OP. He or she can casually bring it up, say that they heard the promise that the gift-promiser made to the OP way back when (unless the promise was made privately,) and subtley and tactfully (if that's even possible) inquire.
Something like, "I was going to send a nice letter with a check, but the wife talked me into giving it to them at the party. I mean, after the Target credit card scandal and all of these stories of things being lost in the mail or stolen, we didn't want to take the chance..."
Something like, "I was going to send a nice letter with a check, but the wife talked me into giving it to them at the party. I mean, after the Target credit card scandal and all of these stories of things being lost in the mail or stolen, we didn't want to take the chance..."
JHZR2
Staff member
Originally Posted By: 97tbird
Any definitive info as to what form the money was going to be in?
Are we 100% sure it was supposed to be a check?
What if it was a gift card?
because if it was a gift card, and it got lost in the mail, they will never know it got lost.
If it was a check, then of course they will see that it didn't get cashed...and might inquire about it.
If it was a check, and someone ELSE cashed it, that's the worst case scenario...
Also I don't understand why someone would MAIL it, if they were coming to the party anyway? seems a bit unusual...
Are there any close mutual friends that you can get to inquire for you in a casual manner?
Not a gift card. Stated funds. It's family. They might not have carried it to come see be because we were all on travel to a third place. It wasn't an enormous, but definitely a nice sum of money. I can see a fear of losing a card/check but still.
Any definitive info as to what form the money was going to be in?
Are we 100% sure it was supposed to be a check?
What if it was a gift card?
because if it was a gift card, and it got lost in the mail, they will never know it got lost.
If it was a check, then of course they will see that it didn't get cashed...and might inquire about it.
If it was a check, and someone ELSE cashed it, that's the worst case scenario...
Also I don't understand why someone would MAIL it, if they were coming to the party anyway? seems a bit unusual...
Are there any close mutual friends that you can get to inquire for you in a casual manner?
Not a gift card. Stated funds. It's family. They might not have carried it to come see be because we were all on travel to a third place. It wasn't an enormous, but definitely a nice sum of money. I can see a fear of losing a card/check but still.
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