A few Golfing jokes.

MolaKule

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Iowegia - USA
Sorry for any repeats but hadn't seen any golfing jokes lately. -------------------------------------------------------------- A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying here and you're putting?" "Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you. "Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly. "No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through." ___________________________ A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?" Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered." -------------------------------------------------------------- The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?" He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?" -------------------------------------------------------------- A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?" The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?
 
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thanks for the golfing jokes. being a golfer I would not be surprised to see these scenes play out :O)
 
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Chicago Area
I love the Robin Williams clip on YouTube explaining how golf was invented. I'd post it here, but the language violates the board guidelines; it's easy to find, however. Having been a regular golfer for a time, I believe this is exactly how golf was invented. laugh
 
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California
An old one: Two men are standing on the 7th green, one is getting ready to putt. He notices a funeral procession driving by, stops, removes his hat, and holds his hand over his heart until it passes. His partner says, "I had no idea you were so deeply caring." "Yes," says the first golfer. "We would have been married 22 years today." ------------------- It's raining, but two men are at the 11th hole, in designer rain gear, preparing to tee off. A couple of joggers go by, and one golfer says to the other, "What sort of idiot would go running on a day like this?" -------------------- A quiet day on the course. A man is out golfing by himself, when he notices a golf ball laying unattended on the fairway. He looks around and sees no one, so he picks it up and puts it in his pocket. He plays through the rest of the course, still not encountering any other golfers. He heads for the nineteenth hole for a drink, completely forgetting the ball in his pocket. A cute blond is sitting at the bar, and points to his pants as he walks in. "What's that?!" He looks down at his trousers, and replies, "Oh. Golf ball." The blonde says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I had tennis elbow once, and it was really painful."
 
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Omaha, NE
Originally Posted By: MolaKule
The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?" He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
thumbsup The best!
 
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Southeastern, PA
A golfing couple, long married, gets into a big fight. The fight escalates to the point where the wife takes a driver club and starts beating her husband with it. After several blows, the husband collapses, dead. When the police arrive, a detective starts questioning the woman: Q: "Did you you have a fight with your husband?" A: "Yes" Q: "Did you hit him?" A: "Yes, with the golf club." Q: "How many times did you hit him?" A: "I don't know... three, four, five times... put me down for three."
 
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Pa
Originally Posted By: Rick in PA
A golfing couple, long married, gets into a big fight. The fight escalates to the point where the wife takes a driver club and starts beating her husband with it. After several blows, the husband collapses, dead. When the police arrive, a detective starts questioning the woman: Q: "Did you you have a fight with your husband?" A: "Yes" Q: "Did you hit him?" A: "Yes, with the golf club." Q: "How many times did you hit him?" A: "I don't know... three, four, five times... put me down for three."
nice real nice lol !
 
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Middlesex County CT
A woman and man are discussing their marraige and the woman asks "If I were to die early, would you ever get remarried?" He responds, "Yes, I probably would but it would only be after many years." She asks "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" He responds, "No. No I wouldn't.........She's left handed"
 
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Appleton, WI
A man and wife had invited their couple friends over for dinner one evening, and after the meal they were all sitting around having some beer and wine when one of the gentlmen starts discussing last week's golf league results. He went on about the good golfers in the league playing exceptionally well, but when asked about how he did he was a little embarrassed. He stated that he didn't play as well as he normally did, but it wasn't his fault. "I got stung by a bee between the first and second hole, and my game went down hill fast" he said. Replied the other man: "It sounds like your stance was a bit too wide!"
 
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