I wrote this when I was stationed at Keflavik Naval Air Station in Iceland. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
The Stealth Blimp
The Saga of Karl Shrimp and His Naval Stealth Blimp
By Jack N. Atherton
A Naval Commander, Karl Shrimp,
Was in a slight tactical crimp.
His lookouts, the blighters,
Were too low to spot incoming fighters.
So he stationed them high in a blimp.
The blimp was decrepit and dented,
And part of its gas had been vented.
Some leaks had been missed,
You could hear them - they hissed.
So he ordered them rubber cemented.
The Admiral cried, "It's a fright,
It wouldn't last though the first flight."
So he yelled out to Shrimp,
(Who was up in the blimp)
"Get the bloody thing out of my sight."
Now the Admirals voice wasn't loud,
And shrimp was way up in a cloud.
So when Shrimp got the word,
It had been slightly slurred…
To: "I believe it's too easy to sight."
The Admiral's order was noted,
Shrimp thought it would get him promoted.
So he called up contracting,
And said, "Guys get cracking,
Get stealth blimps or you'll be demoted."
Contracting was somewhat confused.
But the order could not be refused.
So the specs and the factors,
They sent to contractors,
Were likely to be misconstrued.
The Buick blimp was quite bland,
It was camouflaged brown, green, and tan.
But when billowing smoke,
Made the passengers choke,
Everyone got off and ran.
The Porche blimp was a dandy,
It looked just like white cotton candy.
It had 5-speed transmissions,
Sensed hostile emissions,
And came with computers by Tandy.
The British blimp stalled in the air,
Its mad pilot quipped, "It not fair!
For John Lucas and hirelings,
To muck up the wiring,
Although I admit it's not rare."
The Mercedes stealth blimp was a pip,
A state-of-the-art stealth airship.
Its twin turbo-charged motors,
Had titanium rotors,
(It cost forty million a clip)
The Cadillac blimp was a doozy,
Deluxe? Why it had a Jacuzzi!
It had cruise, air, and fins,
Plus a bar with sloe-gins,
(The Admiral left feeling quite woozy)
The Toyota stealth blimp was a jewel,
It used Kikkoman Soy Sauce for fuel.
It had a grill and hibachi,
RADAR by Hitachi,
Plus a wet bar with ten tiny stools.
The Westinghouse blimp had a gun.
It was huge, why it blotted the sun!
And their Washington lobby,
Gave out gold for a hobby.
(It was rumored they bought several tonne)
The Westinghouse blimp got the contract,
They won it with cunning and tact.
Their stealth blimp could double,
As a sub when in trouble.
(First deflate, then fold twice, and retract)
Shrimp thought that his fortune was made,
And his plans for promotion well laid.
`Till the ensuing scandal,
Held up a candle,
To the inflated price that we paid.
But Shrimp shouldn't take the whole rap,
For closing the famed "Stealth Blimp Gap."
Because defense contractors,
For ships, planes, or tractors,
Have often caught us in their trap.
A reader might ask in confusion.
Is this fact, or all a delusion?
I can only reply,
To hide blimps in the sky,
Requires a good bit of illusion.
The Stealth Blimp
The Saga of Karl Shrimp and His Naval Stealth Blimp
By Jack N. Atherton
A Naval Commander, Karl Shrimp,
Was in a slight tactical crimp.
His lookouts, the blighters,
Were too low to spot incoming fighters.
So he stationed them high in a blimp.
The blimp was decrepit and dented,
And part of its gas had been vented.
Some leaks had been missed,
You could hear them - they hissed.
So he ordered them rubber cemented.
The Admiral cried, "It's a fright,
It wouldn't last though the first flight."
So he yelled out to Shrimp,
(Who was up in the blimp)
"Get the bloody thing out of my sight."
Now the Admirals voice wasn't loud,
And shrimp was way up in a cloud.
So when Shrimp got the word,
It had been slightly slurred…
To: "I believe it's too easy to sight."
The Admiral's order was noted,
Shrimp thought it would get him promoted.
So he called up contracting,
And said, "Guys get cracking,
Get stealth blimps or you'll be demoted."
Contracting was somewhat confused.
But the order could not be refused.
So the specs and the factors,
They sent to contractors,
Were likely to be misconstrued.
The Buick blimp was quite bland,
It was camouflaged brown, green, and tan.
But when billowing smoke,
Made the passengers choke,
Everyone got off and ran.
The Porche blimp was a dandy,
It looked just like white cotton candy.
It had 5-speed transmissions,
Sensed hostile emissions,
And came with computers by Tandy.
The British blimp stalled in the air,
Its mad pilot quipped, "It not fair!
For John Lucas and hirelings,
To muck up the wiring,
Although I admit it's not rare."
The Mercedes stealth blimp was a pip,
A state-of-the-art stealth airship.
Its twin turbo-charged motors,
Had titanium rotors,
(It cost forty million a clip)
The Cadillac blimp was a doozy,
Deluxe? Why it had a Jacuzzi!
It had cruise, air, and fins,
Plus a bar with sloe-gins,
(The Admiral left feeling quite woozy)
The Toyota stealth blimp was a jewel,
It used Kikkoman Soy Sauce for fuel.
It had a grill and hibachi,
RADAR by Hitachi,
Plus a wet bar with ten tiny stools.
The Westinghouse blimp had a gun.
It was huge, why it blotted the sun!
And their Washington lobby,
Gave out gold for a hobby.
(It was rumored they bought several tonne)
The Westinghouse blimp got the contract,
They won it with cunning and tact.
Their stealth blimp could double,
As a sub when in trouble.
(First deflate, then fold twice, and retract)
Shrimp thought that his fortune was made,
And his plans for promotion well laid.
`Till the ensuing scandal,
Held up a candle,
To the inflated price that we paid.
But Shrimp shouldn't take the whole rap,
For closing the famed "Stealth Blimp Gap."
Because defense contractors,
For ships, planes, or tractors,
Have often caught us in their trap.
A reader might ask in confusion.
Is this fact, or all a delusion?
I can only reply,
To hide blimps in the sky,
Requires a good bit of illusion.
