I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South.
I challenge any so-called northerner to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10 lb. possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are required to
condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density
of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot
is
2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will be drank before the trees
are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the percentage
decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
feet.
The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how
many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with
an
average slope of 15%.
The man has five children.
Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and
still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out
front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area.
The mine employs 120 miners per shift.
A gas warning is issued at the
beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will
be
smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town which has been by passed by the
Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?
It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well.
Just goes to show ya...
There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learnin' don't prepare
ya for in
this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE,"
here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down
the road a piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and
place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.
I challenge any so-called northerner to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10 lb. possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are required to
condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density
of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot
is
2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will be drank before the trees
are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the percentage
decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
feet.
The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how
many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with
an
average slope of 15%.
The man has five children.
Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and
still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out
front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area.
The mine employs 120 miners per shift.
A gas warning is issued at the
beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will
be
smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town which has been by passed by the
Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?
It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well.
Just goes to show ya...
There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learnin' don't prepare
ya for in
this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE,"
here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down
the road a piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and
place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.
