PARAPROSDOKIANS
I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition:
"Figure of speech in
which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is urprising or unexpected;
frequently used in a humorous situation.
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of
paraprosdokian.
Ok, so now enjoy!
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will
drag you down to his level and beat you
with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt
you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This
is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be
wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only
learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right -
only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a
fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with
'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell
you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is
plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns
out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application,
in the part that says, 'In case of
emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I
said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with
a bald head and a beer gut, and still
think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his
woman. Behind the fall of a successful
man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a
fuzzy memory.
17. I asked god for a bike, but I know
god doesn't work that way. So I stole a
bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to
skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it
sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling
and holding someone down so they can't
get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not
so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn
something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target,
shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a
vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a
Christian any more than standing in a
garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you
to go to [censored] in such a way that you
look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests
feel at home even when you wish they
were.
29. When tempted to fight fire with
fire, remember that the Fire Department
usually uses water.
I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition:
"Figure of speech in
which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is urprising or unexpected;
frequently used in a humorous situation.
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of
paraprosdokian.
Ok, so now enjoy!
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will
drag you down to his level and beat you
with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt
you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This
is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be
wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only
learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right -
only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a
fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with
'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell
you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is
plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns
out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application,
in the part that says, 'In case of
emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I
said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with
a bald head and a beer gut, and still
think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his
woman. Behind the fall of a successful
man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a
fuzzy memory.
17. I asked god for a bike, but I know
god doesn't work that way. So I stole a
bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to
skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it
sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling
and holding someone down so they can't
get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not
so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn
something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target,
shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a
vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a
Christian any more than standing in a
garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you
to go to [censored] in such a way that you
look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests
feel at home even when you wish they
were.
29. When tempted to fight fire with
fire, remember that the Fire Department
usually uses water.
