Oxymorons

[Papa Bear]

O x y m o r o n s

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

 

[hate2work]

Good stuff

 

[eljefino]

Why do they call it "taking a #2"? You're leaving it!

 

[mpvue]

I've read this list many times over the years, and although it's meant in jest, a few of them make perfect sense.

or maybe you haven't smelled a bath towel that's been hanging in the bathroom for awhile.

 

[ARCOgraphite]

Thanks Papa B.
Some of my favs are:
1) Give me your unbiased opinion ..

2) I'll be taking a working vacation ...

3) The Suicide Victim was found on the bathroom floor ...

4) The aftergame crowd became unruley, therefore the Gov. Patrick sent in an armed Peacekeeping Force ...

5) Even after downing seven beers, She was still PRETTY UGLY, especially in those TIGHT SLACKS.

6) Microsoft Works?

 

[olddognewtrks]

The word "monosyllabic" isn't.

The word "short" is longer than "long".

Your tires rotate whenever you're moving, but you have to be stopped to rotate them. (say what???)

Going up the road is the same as going down the road.

You go over to see someone, but not under.

It's called a pair of pants, but there's only one of them.

 

[SteveSRT8]

Military Intelligence!

 

[defektes]

cargo goes on a boat and a shipment is via car, you tell me.