Got this by email. I have no idea if these are correctly quoted or attributed, but they are pretty funny:
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These glorious insults are from an era before the English Language changed to 4-letter words.
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The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
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A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
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"He had delusions of adequacy."
Walter Kerr
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"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Winston Churchill
===============================================
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
=============================================
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
==============================================
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
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"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
=================================================
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
Oscar Wilde
==================================================
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
===================================================
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second .... if there is one."
Winston Churchill's response
====================================================
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop
===================================================
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright
===================================================
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb
====================================================
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson
===================================================
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
Paul Keating
==================================================
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand
==================================================
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker
==================================================
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
Mark Twain
===================================================
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West
====================================================
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.."
Oscar Wilde
=====================================================
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ... for support rather than illumination."
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
======================================================
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
=======================================================
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
These glorious insults are from an era before the English Language changed to 4-letter words.
================================================
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
=================================================
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
=================================================
"He had delusions of adequacy."
Walter Kerr
===============================================
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Winston Churchill
===============================================
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
=============================================
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
==============================================
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
===============================================
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
=================================================
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
Oscar Wilde
==================================================
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
===================================================
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second .... if there is one."
Winston Churchill's response
====================================================
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop
===================================================
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright
===================================================
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb
====================================================
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson
===================================================
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
Paul Keating
==================================================
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand
==================================================
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker
==================================================
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
Mark Twain
===================================================
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West
====================================================
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.."
Oscar Wilde
=====================================================
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ... for support rather than illumination."
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
======================================================
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
=======================================================
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
