My Life with a Nurse:

MolaKule

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My Life with a Nurse: A Man's Perspective

Ah, such mysterious, wondrous creatures are nurses. What treasures lurk beneath those crisp, white uniforms....What young man doesn't have fantasies of discovering those secrets for himself.

SCREEEEEECH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reality check!

I've been married to a nurse for more than a quarter of a century, and let me tell you, nurses are not what you expect (and I don't even care what you expect, because you are wrong)!

Let's begin by tearing down some of the more famous assumptions about nurses right off the top:

The Nurse as Sex Kitten:

Any man who lived through the early seventies or has made it a point to rent such famous videos as "Night Duty Nurses" or "Student Nurses" or "Night Duty Student Nurses" or any one of several dozen nurse-centric skin flicks will immediately believe that all nurses have heaving bosoms, just millimeters away from popping out of skin tight white uniforms. You will also believe that nurses always wear white garters, fishnet hose, and stilettos. This, of course, is a handy dress code because movie nurses spend *a lot* of time hopping in and out of patient's beds.

The reality is that most nurses wear scrubs - Shapeless, draping hunks of cotton that could cause you to breeze past Pamela Anderson without a second look. Shoes are white and chunky with blobs of things on them better left Unexplored. Socks replace white hose and garters, and when is the last time Anyone saw a nursing cap? Graduation, perhaps?

The Nurse as an Angel:

If you want to hear the latest gross jokes, just find a nurse. Some uninformed males seem to think of nurses as angelic creatures: demure and loving, a cross between a nun and their mom. Well, hate to bust your bubble, guy, but as a group, nurses are some of the rawest folks you'll ever run into. I don't care how sweet and demure they may look on the outside; inside is someone who has seen things that would gag a maggot, break your heart, or Drive a normal person nuts. So most nurses develop a very wicked sense of humor squarely lodged in the black-to-sick side of the scale.

Also, in case you are looking for angelic sympathy for the little boo-boo you had in the shop, forget it! Let's say as a typical male klutz, you manage to saw your finger off. You go running to your nurse wife who is on the phone with a nurse friend of hers. As she continues to talk to her friend, she gives the stub a good eyeballing, slaps a towel on it, takes out a baggy to put the severed digit in, and tells you to get some ice while she is explaining to her friend that her dummy husband just sawed his finger off. As you stand there bleeding profusely for 15 minutes she calmly finishes her conversation as though nothing is going on until finally she says, "Well I guess I better get him to the hospital."She hangs up the phone, looks at you, sighs and calmly says, "Let's go."

You have just learned an important lesson. On the nurse scale of emergencies, yours is about a minus 9! As my wife has told me, "when you are on a ventilator, with six drips running, your head down and your feet up, then you're sick. Anything less than that isn't worth getting excited over!"

The Nurses Mutual Benefit Network:

As a male either dating or married to a nurse, you should realize one important thing. There are nurses everywhere. That, in itself, is no big deal. The fact is, every nurse knows other nurses who know more nurses, so that by the time you are finished, a nurse on the Island Nation of Chuuk who observes you doing something you shouldn't has the immediate capability of getting word to your wife. This system is way more reliable and efficient than the Internet and has existed for a much longer time. Take it for granted that your nurse wife will know about anything you have done, good or bad, before you get home!

Your Social Life with Nurses:

Nurses hang out with other nurses and soon you may find that all your friends are married to nurses. The reason this happens is because in situations where nurses mingle with nonmedical folks things can get ugly. For example, you are out to dinner with your nurse wife, another nurse couple, and two civilian couples. The nurses sit and chat, discussing fun things like bleeding bowels, open sores, how much fat was sucked out of some patient, projectile vomiting, traumatic amputations, etc., all over a nice pasta dinner. The nurses carry on talking as the civilian couples turn funny colors, make faces and suppress their gag reflexes (and this is if the nurses don't have any really gross things to share like the homeless guy with maggots in his bleeding sores)!

After several dinners and gatherings like this, you will soon find your circle of friends has shrunk significantly. The key to avoiding this is to do the following: Never go out in mixed groups with more than one nurse. A lone nurse is OK. The trouble starts when you have more than one, and when that happens, keep the regular folks away. Also get used to the idea that some friends and neighbors will take advantage of the fact that your wife is a nurse by calling at all hours of the day and night for advice. This may include male friends "dropping by" to show your sweetie his rash. The best advice I can give is to just deal with it and hope it isn't contagious.

Nurse: The Health Ramifications

Most nurses have been described as having the constitution of horses, which isn't true because I've been around horses and they get sick more often. The reason for this is pretty simple. After about 3-5 years on the job, nurses have been exposed to so many bugs that they either end up dead or full of every antibody known to mankind. (If you want the ultimate booster shot, just get a blood transfusion from a nurse who's worked in a hospital for 20 years!) You don't have all these antibodies, though, so when she does come home with mild sniffles, a week later you're flat on your back with the worse case of the flu of your life!! Oh, and if you are the least bit squeamish, don't even think about the bugs she brings home on her clothes. It will mess with your mind as she talks about her Resistant TB patient, the patient full of body lice, or the one with poison ivy in his mouth! So don't ask.

Conclusion:

Ah such mysterious, wondrous creatures are nurses.

You know, they really are and I thank God every day for my nurse!
 
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MOLA, first welcome back. WE missed your Jokes! Now back to serious: -in my past medical book editor life, the most disgusting picturesque was not the one with lesions/rotten flesh of feet, stomach, back but (...drumroll...) the one with pictures of infected/damaged human mouth for a dentist advanced study... Did I tell you that one with the nurse that casually wanted to snapity-snap something between my newborn kid's legs?
 
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Another website I frequent, regularly questions the mental sanity of nurses.... I don't know any, so I'll reserve judgement.
 

MolaKule

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Originally Posted By: Cujet
Another website I frequent, regularly questions the mental sanity of nurses.... I don't know any, so I'll reserve judgement.
Believe me, they are very sane and very devious! grin2
 
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Originally Posted By: MolaKule
Originally Posted By: Cujet
Another website I frequent, regularly questions the mental sanity of nurses.... I don't know any, so I'll reserve judgement.
Believe me, they are very sane and very devious! grin2
Me received compliments for way I did the bathing and changing the diaper for my second kid from the Nurses. We where the "Peanutbutters". AKA Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich family....
 
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When I hear Nurses...

NursesFirstFilm[1].jpg
 
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Unfortunately, having been a dialysis clinic administrator during part of my career, I worked with and supervised nurses. The fantasy boat sailed and sank about 25 years ago.
 

pbm

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I've been married to a nurse for 33 years and my daughter is a nurse as well.....I don't know about those skin flicks but I think nurses are generally excellent people....now teachers are another story....
 
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There are other benefits to marrying a nurse. In my local Health Region, 25% of nurses earn more than $100K a year. As for being "no-fun" ... well, a good buddy worked in the health sciences labs at the local university. The student nurses have regular get-togethers on campus, I've managed in my youth to attend a few of them, and they have access to ethanol. Just sayin'
 
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A nurse I saw in the women's hospital (when we had our 2 kids) do have that old school white uniform with the white cap. I think she intentionally wear it to get attention from those husbands with their wives who just delivered. The sad thing is, she looked way past her prime and I suspect she had some plastic surgery that needs updating to fit the rest of her body / face. She needs the attention, I think.
 
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Been with one for almost 15 years. Free healthcare is a definite plus. Overall it’s just like any job. You get accustomed to it. She doesn’t mind blood or all kinds of nastiness on a day to day basis but won’t get near oil and grease. I’m the other way around. Just what you get used to. I talk about rebuilding a motor they talk about rebuilding a limb or whatever.
 
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Originally Posted By: DBMaster
Unfortunately, having been a dialysis clinic administrator during part of my career, I worked with and supervised nurses. The fantasy boat sailed and sank about 25 years ago.
Hard job to balance. To do good is to put your boss in check, and that's no easy task. I had two in my past that did, and they bailed the moment they had an opportunity, and I don't blame them one bit smile
 
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Me being a guy who works as a RN around ohh 90% women
.. it is interesting. What I do?? Stay quiet about negative words about anyone else about 99% of the time. They say all of it for me. The rare three times where I had negative words about a co worker... 2 out of 3 got fired justifiably. So it goes without saying that I was with everyone else about those two.

I never talk about inappropriate stuff at any dinner table. Never.

I have been to a get together at a restaurant with my fellow nurses. It was fun. But everyone was actually well behaved. It was a good time all in all.

Me being guy doing what I do.... Yes I have gotten asked if I liked girls or guys... One lab lady asked me and I laughed a bit. I had a guy patient ask me at the hospital... I laughed when he asked me too. He was cool though. And a good guy. I told him it was hard to behave myself a good amount of the time. We both laughed and had a good evening there. He told me so great stories from his time in the military.

Have I ever had a patient do anything inappropriate?? Ahh yeah. That's always interesting. Nothing super far out there really... But it was surprising. All I can say bout that. And yes... She was pretty. Older than me by 15 years.


Know the rules ... Aka women can say whatever they want to just about .. there are limits to what I can say as a man. This is obvious for obvious reasons.

Women can harass guys but definitely a no go the other way.. I have not really had this happen at my positions I have worked in.

Having said that... Yes I have had women co workers who have definitely "liked" me a lot. In school I had one who really, really liked me a lot. That feeling was mutual. But I was with someone already. And I behaved myself and I didn't go there in any way at all so to speak. Did I want to?? Ahh yeah. But there comes a time where you have to raise the bar and not act like a total idiot. At the hospital I had a couple worker who liked me as well. Again... Keep everything within proper boundaries and behave oneself is the best way forward. And a very pretty lady who was a PT liked me quite a but as well. Again... Stay between the guiding fence posts and life is much better for it.

Guess what I'm saying is... I have learned restraint, discipline and common sense. Not always easy though.

As far as women I work with and how they looked dresses for work. Let me say I have seen my share of very, very good looking women who still looked very good in what they were wearing. That's all that can said here :)

I don't talk about work stuff all that often with my lady. I do on occasion. But not often. I don't want to burden her with it..

I have learned that in long term care.... Those older people.... They will get to where they truly love you. And it's real. Guys... It's a heck of a thing when a lady is knowing she is getting close to leaving this world and she tells you that she loves you... That's a tremendous honor. And.... You love them too. Big, big, big stuff there. I have had that happen a number of times now...

In my job.. . I have thought to myself what is my purpose?? Why am I there?? Who do I need to be?? What do I have to do in order to raise the bar??

I feel without question that I am there to love those people like they were my own. Until they are ready to leave our world.

I feel that I have been made to be a better man by taking care of those people. Those people help me more than I truly know at times. Inspire of how messed up, flawed, and failed a man as I feel like I am... Those people I take care of help me be a better man. They help me realize my purpose for being there. They help me realize what truly matters in this world.. and what doesn't.

I fully realize that I am so fortunate and blessed to be there with them. I am one of the most fortunate guys around to do what I do.

It is those people and their family members who make my position there so great. And I tell them that routinely. Because it is so true.
 
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Originally Posted By: bbhero
I feel without question that I am there to love those people like they were my own. Until they are ready to leave our world. I feel that I have been made to be a better man by taking care of those people. Those people help me more than I truly know at times. Inspire of how messed up, flawed, and failed a man as I feel like I am... Those people I take care of help me be a better man. They help me realize my purpose for being there. They help me realize what truly matters in this world.. and what doesn't.
I could not have put it in the words you did. Unless you have taken care of people like this, you don't get it. YOU get it. You realize that it's an honor to be able to take care of some one. The dirtiest part of the job that would make others gag, is an honor to do for another human. I learn every time i do.
 
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