Im trying to teach my sister a lesson

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Know anyone like this?

My sister destroyed her previous car. She had a Toyota for 9 years, and still has it as backup, cant sell cause she damaged the hydraulic braking system thanks to her running it through the ground, but it still runs even though it sounds like absolute garbage. Sounds like a bunch of marbles in a tin can and a dying cat, its horrible. Its so bad, if you heard it, i gaurentee you will be shocked.

Only thing shes ever done was oil change every year, brakes and rotors done once and tires changed once. She drove it everyday like a F1 race car, pedal to the medal, slam on the brakes, constantly cruising over speed bumps and curbs like theyre nothing.

During the 9 years of her driving it, she still has the original cabin filter, air filter, struts, oil filter, ATF, Powersteering, brake fluid and coolant in the car today! Car has never been tuned up and thats why it sounds like a dying cat.

None of it has ever been serviced. When I checked it the other day, all those fluids are black as coal and dried up! I kept telling her you need to service that stuff but nooo she doesnt want to listen.

"Youre not a mech, ill just listen to my mech" Who btw is by no means a mechanic at all! Considering he told my sister that an air filter never has to be changed and winter tires are a waste of money and we live in Canada, severe conditions, in -30 weather, tons of black ice here! Once I heard that, I knew he was no mechanic, he lost all crediblity. Winter tires are no better than all seasons? Really?

So last year when she found out she pretty much destroyed the hydraulic system on her car, she just figured she would buy a new car instead. She got a used one 4yrs old. I told her, first thing she should do is change all the fluids, but noo she said only oil change is needed. I asked her if any of the other fluids have ever been changed and she said no. So she obviously wants to take this car down the same route as her own old one by turning all those fluids into coal.

When she bought it, she was over one day and happened to leave one of her receipts on my table, from a dealership where she got the car inspected and also where she had her previous car. I glanced over it and couldnt help but notice that it said on her previous car, her tires were well overused, no treads left and she drove on them for almost a year. Mech even made a note on it saying not to let it happen again.

That really made me upset inside, knowing she drove a full winter plus 6 more months here on bare naked worn out all seasons.

I told her about it and said she should taking stuff like this seriously and get it taken care of. Shes putting not only herself but others at risk on the road because of her carelessness. She didnt seem to care. I even told her to find a real mechanic, and she didnt care.

And here on my car, she laughs when I get my coolant, brake and powersteering fluid changed every 3 years, saying its a waste of money. And does my car sound like her old one when its running? Like marbles in a tin can?
 
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I think you need to stop worrying so much about your sisters and focus more on yourself my friend, from reading your previous posts! People do dumb things. Period. And you can't fix them.

Your sister is teaching herself all the lessons she needs (and will) to learn through bad decisions. Maybe you should think about that concept as well. Not trying to be rude, just offering some advice that has worked for me. Focus on what YOU need to be worrying about for yourself before trying to fix other people.
 
Originally Posted By: Drew99GT
I think you need to stop worrying so much about your sisters and focus more on yourself my friend, from reading your previous posts! People do dumb things. Period. And you can't fix them.

Your sister is teaching herself all the lessons she needs (and will) to learn through bad decisions. Maybe you should think about that concept as well. Not trying to be rude, just offering some advice that has worked for me. Focus on what YOU need to be worrying about for yourself before trying to fix other people.


I know, Im working on myself, but its just the fact shes willing to be a liability on the road is what bothers me. The fact she doesnt even realize how serious it is to be driving with worn out brakes or shot tires in -30 winters.

Its just frustrating thats all cause im just trying to look out for her. I just dont want to see it bite her in the rear down the road and I cant help but say "dont say i didnt tell you so"
 
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Originally Posted By: Carnoobie

I know, Im working on myself, but its just the fact shes willing to be a liability on the road is what bothers me. The fact she doesnt even realize how serious it is to be driving with worn out brakes or shot tires in -30 winters.

Its just frustrating thats all cause im just trying to look out for her. I just dont want to see it bite her in the rear down the road and I cant help but say "dont say i didnt tell you so"


Dude, I've tried telling my brother he is an idiot for some of the decisions he's made for 10 years and he still hasn't changed; all with the intent of trying to help him and look out for him!

If your goal is looking out for others and worrying about others on the road because she has bald tires, she's one of probably 10 thousand in your area with [censored] tires. No sense worrying and wasting brain power on that fact.

I know from reading some of your other posts that you're at a down point in life. I was at many times until I stopped worrying about things I can't control and working on the things I can. You probably have a unique trait that you're good at and interested in; focus on that (and try and make money in the process - it's how the system works).

here is one VERY important life tip: You can't help others until you help yourself. Remember that.
 
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Is this the same sister you don't agree with on how much she spends on food? If you have talked with her about that, then she probably sees this issue as an extension of that conversation, and has the attitude that she has her priorities, you have yours, and they will never be the same.

If you want to make a difference, the only way to do so is from the safety angle. If she wont listen to you (people often don't listen to those in their inner circles)then direct her to here.
 
Your sister is going to end up dead or injured, and may well do the same to herself or others. Unfortunately stupidity like this is chronic, and nothing you are going to do is going to help her. Hopefully she will learn without harming herself or others. That's all you can really hope for.
 
On one of the English comedy shows (two women hanging around a lot always drinking) they proposed a stupid tax on stupid people But in this country there is no stupid tax.

She may need to hit some kind of a bottom with respect to her car, that could be her neglect causing a very expensive repair like a new engine or walking 10 miles.

I blew the transmission in my 1965 Mustang 289 from too many burn-outs, sand starts. I had to help my Dad tow it several hundred miles and then put in a used transmission. I learned a lesson. I pretty much drive like there is an egg between my foot and the gas pedal.
 
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Carnoobie:

While I agree that your sister is being an idiot about her failure to maintain her vehicle, YOU have no credibility with her because you always have lived at home with your mom and dad at over 30 years old, and have never held down a steady job to support yourself.

I have a feeling if you were standing on your own two feet she might be more willing to listen to you.

like the other poster mentioned, focus on yourself and improve your own situation.
 
Sounds like sister is demonstrating that you don't need to be so fussy with your vehicles. A 9 year old vehicle in her hands and it is still running and lots of saved dollars in her purse. I agree there is a lesson to be learned here :-))
 
First, to all the drama queens, she's probably not going to end up dead. At least not any deader than any of the rest of us.

Most people like this continue blissfully on. She's buying a new(er) car every nine years, so she's really not paying any kind of tangible penalty.

And BTW, I don't know how old the OP is, but I'm 39 and I realized a while ago that women's minds are not all that easy to "educate?"
 
Sounds like she's an easy distraction from your life. You care about her, that's clear, and don't want her hurting herself. But if she does things that hurt herself, it's hard to watch but it's still her life. And car stuff isn't high on her priorities. Big deal.

If she also runs this car into the ground IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT. You gave your advice; what she does with it is up to her.

Don't try to be responsible for things that aren't your responsibility; it only results in being a martyr (feeling misunderstood and unappreciated) and trying to control her behavior...which you're trying to do, unsuccessfully.

Her ignoring your attempts to control is actually a healthy response to an unhealthy situation: she ignores your criticism that she can never, ever do [fill in the blank] "right" in your eyes. That's a lousy way to treat somebody, or be treated (I know both sides of that one).

If she runs this car into the ground or it leaves her stranded or she slides into a ditch for using bald tires, you don't have to tell her "I told you so". You could simply choose to help her, or not. That's your choice, not your obligation.

Just my dos centavos
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when i was kid i remember telling my papa about a kid at school who wouldn't do things correctly. i would try to show him but nothing , i couldn't get through to him. he would just make excuses as to why he was right and so on and so far. my papa being the smartest man i ever met looks at me grins and says " son you cannot fix stupid" and he said people with less intelligence make excuses to make them feel like they know what they are talking about even if they haven't a clue. he had a famous line " if a frog had wings it wouldn't bop its [censored]"! i didn't understand that till i was older. but its just this simple. dont worry about others you have your own problems so concentrate on those. its her money and her problem. my sister hasnt changed her transmission fluid in 110,000 miles. ive told her several times but she would rather buy skull pictures and gothic stuff to hang around her house so im not saying another word and when her transmission fails ill just sit back and say i told you so. btw its a pt cruiser not exactly known as being a great piece of equipment
 
Originally Posted By: Carnoobie
I know, Im working on myself, but its just the fact shes willing to be a liability on the road is what bothers me. The fact she doesnt even realize how serious it is to be driving with worn out brakes or shot tires in -30 winters.

Its just frustrating thats all cause im just trying to look out for her. I just dont want to see it bite her in the rear down the road and I cant help but say "dont say i didnt tell you so"

I know what you mean. You're worried about her, and you're worried about the people who have to share the road with her.


For whatever reason, she has made it clear that she will not listen to you about her car. I can think of four options for you:

1. Sabotage her car so that she can't drive it, and keep doing it until she starts listening to you or you get arrested.

2. Take her car away and fix it up yourself.

3. Stop talking to her and being around her altogether.

4. Abruptly stop saying anything about her car, but interact with her normally otherwise.


I'd be inclined to go with #4, myself. If she brought up her car, I would change the subject; if she persisted, I'd tell her politely but firmly not to ask for my advice because, in the past, offering it has jeopardized our relationship.
 
I feel your pain. I have a sister, too. She's amazing. She knows everything and has never been wrong in her entire life!!!! Reminds me of a joke I heard.

"There are two kinds of men. Those who admit they don't understand women and liars."
 
She asks:
"Are you a mechanic?"
Well, at least you are learning and trying, and have accumulated substantial correct information on how to maintain a car - and you can back up your advice with facts. This puts you miles ahead of her.
Is there any way to convince her?
I dunno...
Remember that women average 500,000 MORE connections between the left and right sides of their brains than men do. This makes feelings the same as fact to them. A physical and biological truth. Men can separate the two.
Women often hate having men correct them, but love the results of having them around to do stuff right.
 
Well I dont botehr with her anymore, the last time we talked about her car is when she got it last year haha. All I know is all she did was an oil change on it and thats it. Poor car is gonna get taken to the cleaners in the next 9 years. Its darkest days are ahead of him. If its even gonna last that long, cause its Hyundai.

Though she would make a great race car driver, since thats how she drives her cars. She is one aggressive driver, its impossible to be in her car and not have your head constantly snapping back. I always get dizzy when I come out, thats why I do everything i can to avoid having to get in her car.
 
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Its only a Toyota.Dont lose any sleep over it.They only make a few million of them every year.Like a loaf of bread,and as exciting,or historically significant.
 
Originally Posted By: Donald
On one of the English comedy shows (two women hanging around a lot always drinking) they proposed a stupid tax on stupid people But in this country there is no stupid tax.


Hey, Obama, there's a budget balancer if I ever heard one!!!
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John
 
Originally Posted By: d00df00d
Originally Posted By: Carnoobie
I know, Im working on myself, but its just the fact shes willing to be a liability on the road is what bothers me. The fact she doesnt even realize how serious it is to be driving with worn out brakes or shot tires in -30 winters.

Its just frustrating thats all cause im just trying to look out for her. I just dont want to see it bite her in the rear down the road and I cant help but say "dont say i didnt tell you so"

I know what you mean. You're worried about her, and you're worried about the people who have to share the road with her.


For whatever reason, she has made it clear that she will not listen to you about her car. I can think of four options for you:

1. Sabotage her car so that she can't drive it, and keep doing it until she starts listening to you or you get arrested.

2. Take her car away and fix it up yourself.

3. Stop talking to her and being around her altogether.

4. Abruptly stop saying anything about her car, but interact with her normally otherwise.


I'd be inclined to go with #4, myself. If she brought up her car, I would change the subject; if she persisted, I'd tell her politely but firmly not to ask for my advice because, in the past, offering it has jeopardized our relationship.


Possibly the best advice I've ever seen given on this site.
 
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