How NOT to Dress

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Staff member
Jun 5, 2002
Iowegia - USA
Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 40, WAY over 40 or hovering near 40) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to be nice and conform to the fashions that the designers in NYC, California, and/or Paris inflict upon the world. So I made a sincere study of the situation and here are the results. I don't want to burst your bubble, but despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and thus should be avoided: 1. A nose ring and bifocals 2. Spiked hair and bald spots 3. A pierced tongue and dentures 4. Miniskirts and support hose 5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads 6. Speedo's and cellulite 7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar 8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 10. Bikinis and liver spots 11. Short shorts and varicose veins 12. In-line skates and a walker 13. Thongs and Depends
Tattoos and wrinkled skin
Which leads us to: An American In Jamaica... A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his ***** , her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the ***** was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married and they were honeymooning in Jamaica, the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his ***** . The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?" The Jamaican replied, "No, Mon that says, 'Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day'".
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
I must say this applies to 20 year old chicks too....if you got it show it...but guts on gals are almost as ugly as guts on guys....
She doesn't even have to be fat. The other day, I saw a very attractive girl sitting down in a restaurant. Her shirt only covered down to just above her belly button and her gut was hanging out over her jeans. I must say that it was far more disgusting than any guy's gut, probably because I expect better from most women. Anyway, when she stood up, her stomach was flat as a pancake and she looked good in the shirt, but when she was sitting, it was a whole different story.
Originally posted by MolaKule: 6. Speedo's and cellulite
speedo's period. my wife and i were in hawaii a few years ago. i was in the water, and my wife was on the beach. there was a middle-aged, hairy, disco-stu dude in a speedo a few yards from her. as the guy bends over to pick up his towell(arse towards wife), she turns and sees more of captain fur-*** than anyone should ever have to see. i'm sure people could hear me laughing in tokyo.
a middle-aged, hairy, disco-stu dude in a speedo
When I used to go to the beach in Maine the yahoos from Quebec were notorious for doing this. [Frown] Simply horrible. Kudos on the Disco Stu reference. [Cheers!] [Patriot]
Was shopping the other day, wandering around in too big a store with too much stuff to look at . . . and see this 18-21 girl with a body not simply fat, but without any curves to recommend it. Wearing a short t-shirt and shorts. Both too small. First thought is, "I wonder what her mother makes of her [possibly] marriageable daughter dressed like this. Shoot, a nice dress and sandals would have looked fine. Maybe even engendered a second look." Then I saw mother.
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