Great Truths

[TallPaul]

TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional...
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions...

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus..
4) You look like Santa Claus.


SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . ..having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money..
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.

 

[Johnny]

Excellent.

 

[kkreit01]

very good.

 

[Kestas]

TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED (Continued):

11) Never tell your Mom her diet's not working.
12) When your Dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?'.... don't answer.
13) Stay away from prunes.
14) Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to.
15) Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
16) A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac.
17) If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
18) Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.
19) Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
20) When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone.

 

[Pesca]

Originally Posted By: TallPaul

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.


That is what I always say to my wife: I am eating so many chemicals that I will never decompose.

 

[Trajan]

11 is also a GREAT TRUTH THAT HUSBANDS HAVE LEARNED.

 

[mechtech2]

Tell #3 children's truth to the NFL officials!

 

[Trajan]

Another great truth.

When I was young, I wanted a good BMW.

Now, I don't care so much about the W.