For sale - Talking Dog

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A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, ad a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, " Ten Bucks."

The man says, "You only want ten bucks for that dog, why?"

The owner replies, " Because he's a liar, he never did any of that stuff!"
 
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Wandering charlatan is wandering through rural New Zealand, making drinking money by scamming local farmers with his Dr Doolittle routine, of talking to the animals.

Knocks on a farm house door, and is met by a skinny guy in a wife beater singlet, home rolled cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth.

He explains that he can talk to the animals, and is happy, for payment to talk to the farmer's animals, and find out how he can make them more happy.

Farmer sort of agrees, knowing that no-body can talk to the animals, but what's there to lose ?

Charlatan first "talks" to the cat for a minute or so, and fronts up to the farmer...

"The cat says that he's very happy. He's well fed, and allowed free range of the house. He'd like a little more praise when he catches rat's and starlings, but on the whole is pretty content."

Farmer is impressed and gives the guy $5 for the advice.

Whisperer then talks to the draft horse.

Draft horse explains that he's happy to do a fair day's labour for a fair day's pay, and the farmer is certainly providing that. However he had no shelter, and would probably be happier and more productive in the morning with a shed of his own.

Farmer was really impressed with that, and gave the guy $25 sa the information was really useful.

Next was the sheepdog, who "explained" that he really enjoyed rounding up the dumb sheep, but maybe the farmer could stick to telling him only once...the repetition of commands gave him a headache at the end of the day, and if the farmer could tell him once, and let him go, he'd be happier.

Farmer was stoked, and gave him $50, well worth the price of the advice, completely forgetting that he truly believed the man could never talk to an animal.

The animal whisperer went to ask the sheep how they found their lot.

Farmer cam running up, circled his arm around his neck, and whispered..."don't have to talk to those sheep, they always tell lies".
 
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