Back when I was about eleven or twelve, we flew a PanAm 747 from Boston to London, about a 6-7 hour flight, depending upon conditions. The plane was 100% packed, every seat full. On board with us was a renouned choir composed of about 100 nuns, a large majority of whom were grievously overweight. About halfway into the ordeal, I decided to make for the restroom. Of course all but one were full. The other one had the "OCCUPIED/VACANT" sign at exactly the 50-50 mark, that is, no way to tell for sure. I tapped on the door -- nothing. So I took a deep breath, turned the knob, and pulled.
I'll never forget what happened next.
I opened the door to reveal a tiny airline restroom fully cubed out by a massive, middle-aged nun, skirt and nun undies down around her massive ankles. She must have weighed, conservatively, 400 pounds. Being a choir member, she had no trouble filling the entire jumbo jet passenger compartment with a hideous, blood-curdling shriek. I made for my seat like nothing you've ever seen, sat down, and tied a knot in myself. Talk about feeling small. Yeah, I don't like flying with fat ladies either. . .
And yes, this is most definitely a true story (though to this day, at age 44, I still wish it wasn't...).
