So, my wife and I have lived with her older brother (24) since October in a decent 2-bedroom apartment. Before that we lived with my in-laws for about 3 months while we recouped from a financially difficult spring (needed to let the rental house we started out in go, anyway), before which we rented the afore-mentioned $600/mo. house for 3 years. BIL roomed with us there from April to August of 2016 when he decided to go to a 9-month school in Maine that winter.
Current rent is $370/mo. plus electric, water, and internet, etc. The arrangement is that we pay $200/mo. of rent and contribute food which doesn't get kept precise track of, but at least 2-3 nights a week my wife will cook a meal of food we bought which all 3 of us eat and BIL usually demolishes at least half the leftovers in short order. My wife and I have good cellular data plans such that we've not yet paid for internet service anywhere we've lived. His biggest hobby is gaming and keeping up with TV shows and bloggers on youtube, etc., and he paid for it in the old house and has it in the apartment.
Well, this month the electric bill has gone from its usual $50-60 to $135 and he's asked us (me) for help with it because he didn't realize it could be that much. (When he got the place he ran everything wide open for a month to see what the max bill could be - but that was in the summer when the HVAC was making a 20 degree difference, not a 50-degree one like it's done this month. No brainer?) I also frequently wake up in the wee hours to half the lights in the living room and kitchen on, plus the 50" TV. I've also seen him breeze in and out in such a hurry he didn't notice left the door half-latched, several different times in sub-freezing weather.
Several other factors worthy of noting for context: since coming back from Maine 5/17 he's had 4 different jobs. The last one, physical plant at the university in town, ended in his being fired because he "took some cough medicine", sat down and dozed off in front of a surveillance camera. Okay, the job description is super simple and he and his coworkers could only work half the time and more than fulfill their obligations - but still. The owner of the vineyard (an incredibly generous man that I continue to work for at $11/hr. because of the perks he brings to the job that can't have a price tag put on them) I work at part-time allowed him to come help me out this summer, and the 3 weeks? he was out there all he could talk about was finding a "real job" (exact words) in town, paying down his CC debt, and getting back into a more normal, long-term-focused trajectory.
Three months ago the PS pump on his 228K-mile 1998 Lesabre ran dry so he's since borrowed a car from some friends until he recently got the extra money to buy the pump, wheel bearing, and oil/ATF change supplies the car had to have before I'd commence the repairs.. (Clincher? I put fluid back in it and have driven it around town a couple times since it's been sitting at my place, and it hasn't leaked any negligible amount more... but I don't turn it to the steering stop on a daily basis which I'm 99% sure he does.) This is the car that the struts and shocks basically don't exist on anymore (been that way since before I put VC and oil pan gaskets, and all the filters on, before he took it to Maine) and this summer he chose to spend $1,400(!) on parts for a new custom-built computer "that he needed to get into game development and coding" before spending less than half that to rehab the suspension on his only car. He said recently, "I think I take pretty decent care of my car - I mean, it's in nice shape and I try to keep it that way", but he honestly drives the [censored] out of it and I'd bet money that without me being in close proximity to it, keeping track of the ODO for OC's, and getting a grain or two of comprehension through his head about just checking the freaking oil, it'd have been dead some time ago.
By the grace of God this week he got a bussing job at a local fancy BBQ restaurant that, counting food, tips, and beer, can pay as much as $13/hr. There's been no mention of how much he'll pay me for working on his car, but I've not heard anything to indicate he has calculated in some compensation (cash, less rent, whatever) for me in the immediate future.
I want to be a generous, compassionate person, to everyone but especially to those close to me. My parents are awful with money and can't (but also won't) help me out. I run my own small, but successful, business and have single-handedly provided for first myself, and now 85% of the income for my family (4 month old son now) for the last 2 years. And I'm absolutely not feeling like it's my problem to come up with the extra dough to help him with this electric bill or work on his car for free when I have my own worries and keep a very present mindset of thrift in everything I can.
Thoughts?
Current rent is $370/mo. plus electric, water, and internet, etc. The arrangement is that we pay $200/mo. of rent and contribute food which doesn't get kept precise track of, but at least 2-3 nights a week my wife will cook a meal of food we bought which all 3 of us eat and BIL usually demolishes at least half the leftovers in short order. My wife and I have good cellular data plans such that we've not yet paid for internet service anywhere we've lived. His biggest hobby is gaming and keeping up with TV shows and bloggers on youtube, etc., and he paid for it in the old house and has it in the apartment.
Well, this month the electric bill has gone from its usual $50-60 to $135 and he's asked us (me) for help with it because he didn't realize it could be that much. (When he got the place he ran everything wide open for a month to see what the max bill could be - but that was in the summer when the HVAC was making a 20 degree difference, not a 50-degree one like it's done this month. No brainer?) I also frequently wake up in the wee hours to half the lights in the living room and kitchen on, plus the 50" TV. I've also seen him breeze in and out in such a hurry he didn't notice left the door half-latched, several different times in sub-freezing weather.
Several other factors worthy of noting for context: since coming back from Maine 5/17 he's had 4 different jobs. The last one, physical plant at the university in town, ended in his being fired because he "took some cough medicine", sat down and dozed off in front of a surveillance camera. Okay, the job description is super simple and he and his coworkers could only work half the time and more than fulfill their obligations - but still. The owner of the vineyard (an incredibly generous man that I continue to work for at $11/hr. because of the perks he brings to the job that can't have a price tag put on them) I work at part-time allowed him to come help me out this summer, and the 3 weeks? he was out there all he could talk about was finding a "real job" (exact words) in town, paying down his CC debt, and getting back into a more normal, long-term-focused trajectory.
Three months ago the PS pump on his 228K-mile 1998 Lesabre ran dry so he's since borrowed a car from some friends until he recently got the extra money to buy the pump, wheel bearing, and oil/ATF change supplies the car had to have before I'd commence the repairs.. (Clincher? I put fluid back in it and have driven it around town a couple times since it's been sitting at my place, and it hasn't leaked any negligible amount more... but I don't turn it to the steering stop on a daily basis which I'm 99% sure he does.) This is the car that the struts and shocks basically don't exist on anymore (been that way since before I put VC and oil pan gaskets, and all the filters on, before he took it to Maine) and this summer he chose to spend $1,400(!) on parts for a new custom-built computer "that he needed to get into game development and coding" before spending less than half that to rehab the suspension on his only car. He said recently, "I think I take pretty decent care of my car - I mean, it's in nice shape and I try to keep it that way", but he honestly drives the [censored] out of it and I'd bet money that without me being in close proximity to it, keeping track of the ODO for OC's, and getting a grain or two of comprehension through his head about just checking the freaking oil, it'd have been dead some time ago.
By the grace of God this week he got a bussing job at a local fancy BBQ restaurant that, counting food, tips, and beer, can pay as much as $13/hr. There's been no mention of how much he'll pay me for working on his car, but I've not heard anything to indicate he has calculated in some compensation (cash, less rent, whatever) for me in the immediate future.
I want to be a generous, compassionate person, to everyone but especially to those close to me. My parents are awful with money and can't (but also won't) help me out. I run my own small, but successful, business and have single-handedly provided for first myself, and now 85% of the income for my family (4 month old son now) for the last 2 years. And I'm absolutely not feeling like it's my problem to come up with the extra dough to help him with this electric bill or work on his car for free when I have my own worries and keep a very present mindset of thrift in everything I can.
Thoughts?
