Oh God, last time I tried ~2010, I ended up with basically a bowl cut. Now I have a barber I've been going to ~10 years at $60/cut/3-4weeks (he charges me way less but good vendor-client relationships are important.)
That brought back a childhood memory. I had some neighbors growing up with six kids. Three boys, and three girls. They all literally got bowl haircuts, in fact they all had a specific plastic bowl with their names written on them. Mom would put the bowl on their head, snip around the perimeter, and they were stylin' for a couple of weeks.