You use it .. to.. charge the truck’s battery.
The Saga of the Self-Consuming Battery
Characters:
- SIR LOADS-A-LOT (SL): A well-meaning but slightly dim knight of the road.
- WISE OLD INVERTER (WOI): A grizzled, cynical, and surprisingly sentient inverter.
- ROYAL CHARGER (RC): A pompous, high-current battery charger.
- THE TRUCK (TT): A long-suffering vehicle.
(The scene opens with SIR LOADS-A-LOT, humming a jaunty tune, wrestling a large battery charger into the back of his truck. The WISE OLD INVERTER, mounted on the wall, sighs dramatically.)
SL: Right then! Nearly got it. The old girl's battery is a bit flat, you see. Been running the dashcam and that splendid little mini-fridge for my artisanal cheeses. Can't have my brie melting, can I?
WOI: (Muttering) Aye, and can't have a brain in your helmet either, it seems.
SL: What was that, old friend? Just admiring your magnificent glow. A full 1500 watts, eh? Enough to power a small village, or at least a very enthusiastic toaster!
WOI: Indeed. A glorious cascade of converted electrons. Direct current to alternating current, a veritable miracle of modern engineering. Though, one does wonder about the source of said direct current.
SL: Why, the
truck's battery, naturally! It's right there. And this splendid
Royal Charger will top it up in no time. See, plugs right into your
120V outlet. Genius, I call it! Pure, unadulterated genius!
(SIR LOADS-A-LOT triumphantly plugs the ROYAL CHARGER into the INVERTER's outlet. The ROYAL CHARGER immediately hums to life with a self-important whirr.)
RC: (In a booming, self-important voice) Charging initiated! Drawing full power! Behold, the electrons flow! I shall restore this depleted energy source to its former glory!
SL: Hear that? Music to my ears! Soon, the engine will roar, and we shall conquer the open road once more!
WOI: (A long, drawn-out groan that sounds suspiciously like a relay switching) You… you do realize what you've just done, don't you, Sir Loads-a-Lot?
SL: Why, I've plugged in the
battery charger! It's charging the
battery! Simple as that! Even a scullery maid could grasp the elegance of this solution!
WOI: (Straining) And from whence, pray tell, does the
Royal Charger draw its mighty sustenance to perform this noble task?
SL: From you, good Inverter! From your glorious
120V output! You transform the humble 12V DC into the mighty 120V AC! It’s a closed system, a perpetual motion of power! Efficient! Sustainable!
WOI: (Sparks visibly, emitting a faint smell of ozone) It's… it's drawing power from the very
battery it's attempting to charge! Through me! I take power from the battery, convert it, and then the charger takes that converted power to… send it back to the battery! You're draining the battery to charge the battery! It’s an electrical ouroboros!
SL: (Blinks slowly) Draining… to charge? But… but the lights on the charger are on! It’s working! Look, the little needle is moving! Upwards!
RC: Indeed! I am most diligently drawing current! And converting it! And pushing it! Oh, this is most invigorating! Such power! More! I require more!
TT: (A weak, almost imperceptible groan from the truck's chassis) Urgghhh… I feel… thinner.
WOI: (Veins of light throbbing on its casing) You are attempting to fill a bucket by pouring water from the bucket itself, through a series of increasingly inefficient sieves! Each conversion, each transformation, loses energy! You're accelerating the discharge! You're creating an electrical black hole!
SL: (A dawning horror spreads across his face, slowly replacing his earlier glee) So… the battery… it’s not getting fuller? It’s… it’s getting… emptier?
WOI: Faster! Much, much faster! The energy lost in the inversion, in the charging process itself… it’s all drawn from your dwindling reserve. You're simply converting the battery's energy into heat and noise, for the glorious spectacle of a charger light!
SL: (Collapses onto a stack of hay bales, utterly deflated) Oh… oh dear. My artisanal cheese… it truly is melting, isn't it?
(The ROYAL CHARGER continues to whirr, blissfully unaware of the existential crisis it has caused.)
RC: Charging… charging… most vigorously charging! I am truly magnificent!
(Fade to black, with the faint, increasingly desperate hum of the INVERTER.)
