A Retired Mind

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Subject: Ramblings of a Retired Mind


I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized, why bother, people didn't like me anyway.

It occurred to me that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it'.

I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should write, "911".

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do -- write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on a curve.

How did I get Over The Hill? when I never got to the top??

I have been told there is sex after 50! Once you get over the shock of seeing someone your own age naked!

I hear tell there's a cure for those nasty ole age wrinkles! All you do is keep eating until they fill in!


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