Single By Choice?

[Kuato]

My brother is a confirmed single guy. He says getting married is to take care of the children. He keeps the hours he wants, decorates (or not) as he chooses, is 49, his house was paid off 3 years ago and he wrote a check for his most recent new vehicle. And he goes 5k on M1. He has one girlfriend that he sees occasionally and another one that travels a lot that he sees less frequently. But he is lonely sometimes.

Your path can be chosen only by you; but deciding to get married or not before meeting people is putting the cart before the horse.

 

[MinamiKotaro]

Not interested. Being married seems, to me, like a never-ending negotiation. No thanks. Having children seems like being infested with parasites that take away your entire life -- and then they grow up, leave you, have parasites of their own, and occasionally send THOSE to feed off you, too! No thanks x infinity + one.

 

[JBinKC]

It depends upon what are your goals you set up in life and knowing yourself. I took the slow route by delaying my decision found that too many of my married friends were financially devastated when they divorced with a few of them living out of their vehicles or into forced overtime at work to get by so I never married. With this freedom in the process I was able to take more financial risks which I likely wouldn' t have been able to take if I were married and allowed me to retire in my early 40s and answer to another boss at work.

 

[racer12306]

Originally Posted By: lancerplayer

- "Kiss your freedom goodbye when you get married and have kids"



Do kids and a wife take up some time, of course, but if you have zero freedom, you married the wrong person.

 

[IndyIan]

Living together and having kids are two separate things as well. I know lots of people married or not who have a significant other but with no kids or plans for them. They seem happy enough, and while they do post pictures of their pets on facebook, they also travel more widely that those of us with kids.

 

[CT8]

Originally Posted By: John_K
Originally Posted By: CT8
A good woman is hard to find. But then I am the wrong person for advice on this issue.


I did not get married until age 34, most of my friends married right out of high school or college. I was involved with a few women who turned out to be nutcases.

I have a good wife now, for 18 years. But I am so glad we don't have children. She can't, and that's fine with me! And pretty much everyone I have ever known tells me how great it is to have kids...at first. Later they say "gee, I wish we were without them like you, kids are a pain." So don't let people push you into anything just because they think you should. I had a friend tell me I had to get married right out of high school because that's what you do. Unbelieveable in my book.

John
I have 2 kids now 25 and 23. they are the best thing [ever] in my life.

 

[pcowner1]

I've read studies on health and longevity and they seem to point out benefits for guys if they get married. I'm older then you're and didn't get married, too picky. I don't need a fashion model, but no old women either. "Keep your boys to yourself"

http://pni.osumc.edu/KG Publications (pdf)/142.pdf

https://campus.fsu.edu/bbcswebdav/instit...Family-1990.pdf

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12954435

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9803650

 

[DemoFly]

My opinion on this is very jaded. But....

I know of married couples who don't fight. I also know of married couples who are more "successful" equity-wise because of marriage. But I do not know of any happily married couples. I personally met "the one" but I had no desire to marry. In a blink of an eye she found someone else who was "the one". When I was in the relationship I yearned for the luxuries of being single. I think it takes a "serious" 3-year+ relationship to really learn what kind of relationship you even want.

Today, marriage is the equivalent of having both your names on a lease. It's a layer of security that aids in making it a little more difficult to split up, but won't stop someone from doing so if they've surpassed the level of "questioning a breakup". Dating is the wild west this day and age. People change rapidly and meeting new people is now spoon fed to you via social media. The next love of your life will be delivered to you via a private message or friend request. You don't have to actively search anymore.

Best of luck to everyone dating. Don't date someone who limits or hinders you.

 

[Kamele0N]

Originally Posted By: John_K
So don't let people push you into anything just because they think you should. I had a friend tell me I had to get married right out of high school because that's what you do. Unbelieveable in my book.

John


This!!!

Now we can close this discusion

 

[Mr Nice]

I agree with others... marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman.

It's not just a piece of paper with two names on it.

 

[oilpsi2high]

Late 20's here. Single because finding a female my age (or younger) who is good looking, smart, and knows how to manage money is like finding a needle in a haystack the size of the Freedom Tower.

 

[Rolla07]

Originally Posted By: lancerplayer
I'm currently in my mid 20s. Since graduating college, I have seen many of my friends get engaged/married/have children. Things seem great for them on the outside, but I have had conversations with many of them and many of them have made comments how they wish they would've taken things slower or not taken the steps that did (ie: not get married at all/not have kids at all). My parents are in their early 50s and they were married at age 20 & 21 with a kid by 22, so getting married and starting a family closer to the age of 30 is strange to them.

I have heard the following comments thrown around often:

- "Divorce ruined my life"
- "I would be a millionaire if it weren't for these kids"
- "Kiss your freedom goodbye when you get married and have kids"

This got me thinking...

Has anyone made the choice to be single? Not because you never found that person to start a family with, but because the single life makes things a lot more simple? You have more freedom and less responsibility.

Any eternal bachelors on here?


The only people I knew who made comments like those were already miserable before kids and getting married. I got married at 33 and just had my first child (at 34). Seems that more and more up here at least, people either just have kids without getting married or they aren't doing things as early as they used to. I travelled alot prior while with gf at time, and we took things at our pace, we wanted to be out of an appartment to raise kids in a house and do things our way. I actually regret not having kids a bit sooner, say at 31 or 32. I dont regret taking my time. Nothing wrong with getting married later in life and most importantly you are much different at 30 then even 20 (my opinion), and should have a much better idea if your mate is right for you and will last. If you like being single than be single, I guess it depends what you want in life, but in your mid 20's you dont need to feel rushed to get into anything.. when you are 30 or so, you might want to at least decide if you want kids within next few years.. although i suppose age more a factor to the lady.. At your age, enjoy being single, but if you find the right person, you wont regret getting married or having kids.There are some seriously negative/depressing people out there, will you have less freedom with kids and a wife? Absolutely, however it doesnt bother me at all, I dont mind losing that freedom to have a wonderful wife and child.

 

[SatinSilver]

Originally Posted By: oilpsi2high
Late 20's here. Single because finding a female my age (or younger) who is good looking, smart, and knows how to manage money is like finding a needle in a haystack the size of the Freedom Tower.


Especially located in the Adirondacks. The OP isn't far behind in Cleveland. Much better options a little to the east in Erie, Pa; to the south in Columbus and west in Toledo. Venture out a little esp in the nicer areas, go where they go. Take some college courses at the community college to meet some attractive, smart ladies. Also if you're not in shape then they probably won't be attracted to you and you'll be in the perpetual friend zone if anything.

There's a guy on here in your area that has a few daughters your age. Maybe he'll see the thread and make a post.

 

[HerrStig]

There are always "arrangements" which could can be made.

 

[Lolvoguy]

Originally Posted By: HerrStig
There are always "arrangements" which could can be made.


please explain

 

[earlyre]

Originally Posted By: opus1
I'm single by choice but not mine. I've been told over and over by women that I'm quite the catch and they're surprised I'm not married, but I've noticed that it's said by women who are married or otherwise taken and don't have to follow-through on that statement.

The women that *are* interested tend to be whack-jobs or women who need money or heavy lifting from me. And I have enough problems to deal with as it is.



Ya know, that sounds awfully familiar...

 

[sleddriver]

I recall your age quite well though I'm now 56 and never married and no kids. The hormones are still strong, many of your buds/family/relatives are getting married or having kids THEN getting married or have already divorced from their first. You may feel very left out. Wondering why them, not you. Or instead "Thank God I didn't do that." All very normal.

One of my closest HS friends got married right after college and soon started having kids. His rationalle was "gotta get them out of the house by 40" (??) Made no sense to me at all. Been decades since I heard from him.

One grandmother wondered when I would "tie-the-knot" as did more than a few relatives while in my mid-20's. A brother began dating a friend of mine behind my back and soon they were a hit. While angered at his arrogance, I full-well-knew she wasn't my type...at all. When questioned by the above at why I "allowed" brother to "steal" her, I just looked at them and replied "she's not my type". They thought I was nuts/[censored]/gay/etc. Not at all: She would just never shut up and was VERY LOUD....ALL THE TIME. She'd wear out The Energizer Bunny. And she still is...she's also a SCREAMER.

What man wants to live with that?

Along the way to my age, I've encountered my share of nuts, gold-diggers, and queens. As the Eagles sang "Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds boy; she'll beat you when she's able; You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet." True wisdom.

Your lifestyle and choices probably are odd/confusing to your parents. But that's because one they're your parents and two they grew up in an age that no longer exists. Further, you're you and they are them.

My surrounding neighbors are all married, non divorced. Some feel trapped. Others like a pay-check. One with four daughters says "don't do it". Pleasing the MRS. is high on the list.

For me, I made the decision to not marry in both my 20's and 30's because my life was far too chaotic due to the death of both parents while young, the crazyness of my father's second wife, and the struggle of fighting her, lawyers, accountants, and family for over a decade before all was "settled". My mind was elsewhere, I was very stressed and the very ladder I stood on had been kicked out from beneath me due to circumstances far out of my control. Not a good place to start a marriage, much less raise kids.

This situation though is very rare, thus I'm an outlier. This background made me very wary however. My Mother was a wonderful, smart, beautifull woman. Her combination is very rare. Lots of great memories from her.

I've managed to live through all of that, keep my sanity, and recover. I don't see myself getting married at this stage though.

Don't know anything about YOUR background. Don't follow the herd, just for the sake of "belonging". Think carefully about what you sign up for and who you commit to and what baggage they bring along. White knights belong in fairy tales. Leave them there.

"With all they getting, get understanding" someone once wrote. I'd add wisdom and maturity as well. Develop your skills, save your money, learn to invest wisely and learn to stand on your own. Life is hard enough as it is. It's even harder when you're stupid.

 

[bubbatime]

Originally Posted By: chainblu
However, if something was to happen to her, or I otherwise became divorced, I doubt I would remarry.


I'm right there with you. I'm married now, but I wont marry again should this marriage end.

 

[bmwjohn]

if finding a "person of interest", you might be well advised to do some research on her and her immediate relatives. Spend several hundred dollars, and DON'T tell her later that you did the research. This provides topics to discuss. I'm single, but have found surprises the hard way that would have been better known sooner. Of course, passion and chemistry sometimes overrides every other concern.

 

[bmwjohn]

if finding a "person of interest", you might be well advised to do some research on her and her immediate relatives. Spend several hundred dollars, and DON'T tell her later that you did the research. This provides topics to discuss. I'm single, but have found surprises the hard way that would have been better known sooner. Of course, passion and chemistry sometimes overrides every other concern. ALSO: If you have a college degree you might consider a masters while you have the time. Many bachelors are 130?? semester hours, many masters are 36?? hours, although going up in specification. Grad certificates are also popular, and all put you a little ahead in the job market, rapidly, before you get bogged down in house, kids, etc. and out of the thrifty habits such as ramen noodles and old car.