Bachelors - Pressure for marriage

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Originally Posted By: pandus13
Originally Posted By: exranger06
Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
Originally Posted By: exranger06
and none of you are going to talk me out of it.

Huh? Where did that come from? This thread is not about talking someone out of marriage. It's about not letting someone pressure you into it unless it's your own decision. We should all be allowed to make our own decisions in this matter.

Apparently you missed the 10+ pages of almost everyone saying marriage is a horrible idea, and one would be foolish to even consider getting married. And then one poster specifically told me to "run," unless she's really rich.

but also a few folks said, "i'm happy for you", "good for you", so there are a few folks that care for you genuinely.
so good luck, start thinking of "us", not me and her ("my future wife" comes to mind, wedding is just a ceremony) and try to get trough what life trows at you together.
it will either break both of you or make both of you stronger.

to the other guys, don't worry, you already know things could be worst, so enjoy what you have and maybe things will get better...

Bobby McFerrin anyone?


Yeah, I didn't catch that post until you quoted it, but it made me feel compelled to scan the entire thread. This thread isn't "10+ pages of almost everyone saying marriage is a horrible idea". It seems that there's certainly a fair share of people saying "I'm married and it's awesome."

Certainly though, the most vocal people seem to be either those who were wronged, or those who heard one too many stories of people being wronged. It's one thing to choose to remain a bachelor because that's just what you want (for whatever reason), it's another thing to choose to be a bachelor and then try to use second-hand stories you heard on the internet to dissuade people from connecting with another person and choosing to build a life together.

My approach through bachelorhood was this.... if I meet somebody that knocks me off my feet, I will embrace them and be the best husband I can be. If that doesn't happen and my money gets spent on Porsches instead of raising a family, that's fine too. The point is to go with the flow and make the best out of the hand that life deals you.

To me the most amusing part about the stories about guys getting taken for all they've got is that nobody ever seems to ask the question of the guy... "so what's her side of the story? What did you do to make this the outcome she felt was worth seeking?" In some cases the answer may be a very legitimate "nothing." But I bet in most cases the guy is trying to hide something to gain sympathy.
 
I don't think that matters, Mykl. The man in such cases should never have been married in the first place. Far more common is the case of the good man who is victimized by the System.

In the old days it was man and wife together against the World.

These days it is Government and ex-wife against the man.

Marriage is a contract where the man is on one side, the woman and Government are allies on the other, and if the contract fails, the man is rendered destitute if he is middle class. If he is rich he is still rich. If he is poor he is not harmed, as what is below poverty?

Would you make a retirement investment on those terms?
 
Originally Posted By: Cristobal
I don't think that matters, Mykl. The man in such cases should never have been married in the first place. Far more common is the case of the good man who is victimized by the System.

In the old days it was man and wife together against the World.

These days it is Government and ex-wife against the man.

Marriage is a contract where the man is on one side, the woman and Government are allies on the other, and if the contract fails, the man is rendered destitute if he is middle class. If he is rich he is still rich. If he is poor he is not harmed, as what is below poverty?

Would you make a retirement investment on those terms?

I agree. However, I have to point out that "below poverty" might well be "prison."
 
Originally Posted By: Cristobal
I don't think that matters, Mykl. The man in such cases should never have been married in the first place. Far more common is the case of the good man who is victimized by the System.

In the old days it was man and wife together against the World.

These days it is Government and ex-wife against the man.

Marriage is a contract where the man is on one side, the woman and Government are allies on the other, and if the contract fails, the man is rendered destitute if he is middle class. If he is rich he is still rich. If he is poor he is not harmed, as what is below poverty?

Would you make a retirement investment on those terms?


Maybe he shouldn't have been married, but just because he isn't capable of being in a successful marriage does not mean that all men are incapable and that there is no goodness to be found.

Can you quantify the statement that it's more common for men to be victimized? Because if you can't then you're perpetuating a stereotype rather than actually trying to figure out what's happening.
 
Originally Posted By: Mykl


Yeah, I didn't catch that post until you quoted it, but it made me feel compelled to scan the entire thread. This thread isn't "10+ pages of almost everyone saying marriage is a horrible idea". It seems that there's certainly a fair share of people saying "I'm married and it's awesome."

Certainly though, the most vocal people seem to be either those who were wronged, or those who heard one too many stories of people being wronged. It's one thing to choose to remain a bachelor because that's just what you want (for whatever reason), it's another thing to choose to be a bachelor and then try to use second-hand stories you heard on the internet to dissuade people from connecting with another person and choosing to build a life together.

My approach through bachelorhood was this.... if I meet somebody that knocks me off my feet, I will embrace them and be the best husband I can be. If that doesn't happen and my money gets spent on Porsches instead of raising a family, that's fine too. The point is to go with the flow and make the best out of the hand that life deals you.

To me the most amusing part about the stories about guys getting taken for all they've got is that nobody ever seems to ask the question of the guy... "so what's her side of the story? What did you do to make this the outcome she felt was worth seeking?" In some cases the answer may be a very legitimate "nothing." But I bet in most cases the guy is trying to hide something to gain sympathy.


I haven't seen anyone talking about modern women and the risks marrying one doing so based off internet stories? I think you are reading things not there. Rather, the people suggesting caution and taking one's time before jumping in do so based of real experiences for themselves or family/close friends. I know my comments are based on actual divorces I have seen and the devastation they cause to the man.

I am not against marriage in the least. It isn't for me but I am not against it. I do not trust the modern woman however and it would take an awful lot for me to risk what is involved by getting married to one. If it goes bad it is a foregone conclusion the man is taking it in the shorts big time. His life will be over unless he is very rich as another person mentioned. Anyone who thinks or says otherwise is very ill informed of what happens in divorces in this country these days regardless of which side cheats, is abusive, or wants the divorce.

Also, it isn't all women that are gold digging, lying, cheating, blood suckers either. However, there are a lot more of them these days then ever and you will never really know until it is too late.
 
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Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
I haven't seen anyone talking about modern women and the risks marrying one doing so based off internet stories? I think you are reading things not there. Rather, the people suggesting caution and taking one's time before jumping in do so based of real experiences for themselves or family/close friends. I know my comments are based on actual divorces I have seen and the devastation they cause to the man.

I am not against marriage in the least. It isn't for me but I am not against it. I do not trust the modern woman however and it would take an awful lot for me to risk what is involved by getting married to one. If it goes bad it is a foregone conclusion the man is taking it in the shorts big time. His life will be over unless he is very rich as another person mentioned. Anyone who thinks or says otherwise is very ill informed of what happens in divorces in this country these days regardless of which side cheats, is abusive, or wants the divorce.

Also, it isn't all women that are gold digging, lying, cheating, blood suckers either. However, there are a lot more of them these days then ever and you will never really know until it is too late.


Except you can't quantify any of that. It's an opinion developed from one sided stories using an extremely limited sample size.
 
Marriage is a heavy, life changing event that should not be entered into with little to no consideration for what effect it is going to have on the rest of your life. The consequences for a failed marriage, for BOTH sides, tend to be very uncomfortable at best, and life crushing at worst.

If you've ever had the thought "I don't trust women" then it's probably best that you not get married until you untangle whatever it is within yourself that causes you to feel that way. Because you're not capable of even seeing the rewards that come with a successful marriage, much less actually developing a relationship that could bear those fruit.
 
The problem with marriage (and I remarried, seems I picked better the 2nd time around) is that it can be ended by one party at will.

Sure, many stand up in church and say "Until death do we part."

But what if your spouse says she didn't really mean it, or "it was a mistake" or "I'm not happy" which are typically code for she either already sleeping with, or thinking about sleeping with that guy she met at work/the gym/church, etc.

The real threat to marriage has never been same sex marriage as some would have us believe today. No, the biggest threat has been No Fault Divorce.

Now I don't believe you can force someone to stay, so don't think that I'm advocating for someone be forced to remain in a miserable or even abusive marriage.

No, I simply want martial misconduct or the lack of it taken into consideration.

If you or your spouse want out, no court should force them to stay. But the spouse who is being abandoned should not lose his/her children, home, and so forth.

If the one leaving cannot prove abuse, adultery or addiction, the greatest forms of marital misconduct, then they simply pack a bag, get their percentage of the debt and a bill for child support and maybe even alimony.

If there is marital misconduct, it should be proven and the betrayed spouse would get everything, full stop.

The way the current system works, a spouse chooses a no-fault divorce, and her husband is abandoned in 2/3rds to 3/4s of all cases and in fewer than 10% of cases is he involved in any sort of marital misconduct.

If she's having an affair, it's even more of a slap in the face. Not only is she betraying him, but she is now trying to rob him of his property and children.

To those say it's too hard to prove abuse, adultery or addiction I say our legal system is based on innocence until proven guilty. So why relax that tenet in the case of divorce? If someone wants out, they are free to leave. But the costs to betray your spouse by abandoning them should be severe.
 
Originally Posted By: javacontour
Needs a better lawyer. I had a good one. My ex wife went throught two. Seems any money she got from me ultimately went to pay them. There was a lien on our home when I went to refinance into my name that she had to clear before I got the house in my name only.


My uncle's second divorce cost him more than $250,000 and took almost two years. His ex was THAT nasty...the judge called it "the nastiest case I have ever seen in more than twenty years on the bench". Thankfully, she didn't realize just how much his gun collection was worth at the time! (Last appraisal: about $800,000!)
 
Originally Posted By: Mykl
Originally Posted By: pandus13
Originally Posted By: exranger06
Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete

Huh? Where did that come from? This thread is not about talking someone out of marriage. It's about not letting someone pressure you into it unless it's your own decision. We should all be allowed to make our own decisions in this matter.

Apparently you missed the 10+ pages of almost everyone saying marriage is a horrible idea, and one would be foolish to even consider getting married. And then one poster specifically told me to "run," unless she's really rich.

but also a few folks said, "i'm happy for you", "good for you", so there are a few folks that care for you genuinely.
so good luck, start thinking of "us", not me and her ("my future wife" comes to mind, wedding is just a ceremony) and try to get trough what life trows at you together.
it will either break both of you or make both of you stronger.

to the other guys, don't worry, you already know things could be worst, so enjoy what you have and maybe things will get better...

Bobby McFerrin anyone?


Yeah, I didn't catch that post until you quoted it, but it made me feel compelled to scan the entire thread. This thread isn't "10+ pages of almost everyone saying marriage is a horrible idea". It seems that there's certainly a fair share of people saying "I'm married and it's awesome."

Certainly though, the most vocal people seem to be either those who were wronged, or those who heard one too many stories of people being wronged. It's one thing to choose to remain a bachelor because that's just what you want (for whatever reason), it's another thing to choose to be a bachelor and then try to use second-hand stories you heard on the internet to dissuade people from connecting with another person and choosing to build a life together.

My approach through bachelorhood was this.... if I meet somebody that knocks me off my feet, I will embrace them and be the best husband I can be. If that doesn't happen and my money gets spent on Porsches instead of raising a family, that's fine too. The point is to go with the flow and make the best out of the hand that life deals you.

To me the most amusing part about the stories about guys getting taken for all they've got is that nobody ever seems to ask the question of the guy... "so what's her side of the story? What did you do to make this the outcome she felt was worth seeking?" In some cases the answer may be a very legitimate "nothing." But I bet in most cases the guy is trying to hide something to gain sympathy.


I am happily married...and honestly, the only reason thinking of the several horrific divorces I have seen (and my uncle's is NOT the worst!) does not absolutely terrify me is that I would probably crawl into a bottle forever or step in front of a train if Liz ever left me. The inscription on her wedding band ("MY REASON FOR LIVING") is literal.

Also, honestly...I do not think she is CAPABLE of breaking her marriage vows. This is someone who walked away from an almost-50% pay hike because she had given her word that she would work at the job she had for another month. Her vow at the wedding ("To the man that I love, the one who saved my soul: I give to you my thanks and I pledge to you my life.") is also literal.
 
Originally Posted By: Benzadmiral
Originally Posted By: Cristobal
I don't think that matters, Mykl. The man in such cases should never have been married in the first place. Far more common is the case of the good man who is victimized by the System.

In the old days it was man and wife together against the World.

These days it is Government and ex-wife against the man.

Marriage is a contract where the man is on one side, the woman and Government are allies on the other, and if the contract fails, the man is rendered destitute if he is middle class. If he is rich he is still rich. If he is poor he is not harmed, as what is below poverty?

Would you make a retirement investment on those terms?

I agree. However, I have to point out that "below poverty" might well be "prison."


Or worse...my cousin's ex drove him to wash down a bottle of sleeping pills with a fifth of Jack Daniels.
 
Originally Posted By: Mykl
Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
I haven't seen anyone talking about modern women and the risks marrying one doing so based off internet stories? I think you are reading things not there. Rather, the people suggesting caution and taking one's time before jumping in do so based of real experiences for themselves or family/close friends. I know my comments are based on actual divorces I have seen and the devastation they cause to the man.

I am not against marriage in the least. It isn't for me but I am not against it. I do not trust the modern woman however and it would take an awful lot for me to risk what is involved by getting married to one. If it goes bad it is a foregone conclusion the man is taking it in the shorts big time. His life will be over unless he is very rich as another person mentioned. Anyone who thinks or says otherwise is very ill informed of what happens in divorces in this country these days regardless of which side cheats, is abusive, or wants the divorce.

Also, it isn't all women that are gold digging, lying, cheating, blood suckers either. However, there are a lot more of them these days then ever and you will never really know until it is too late.


Except you can't quantify any of that. It's an opinion developed from one sided stories using an extremely limited sample size.


Not a limited sample size at all nor is it one sided when I talk of my friends divorces as I knew the wives too. I got involved with my friends divorce( the one who has disappeared - trying to help him not lose his mind or do something stupid )and talked to a lot of men from his divorce support group about what happened. I have talked to at least 30 victims of the corrupt divorce system, from many states, and their stories are echoed across the country. You would be floored if you knew a small fraction of what goes on. I was stunned and I thought men were always screwed before hand. You are misinformed if you think what I have talked about is not the norm out there.
 
Last edited:
Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
Not a limited sample size at all nor is it one sided when I talk of my friends divorces as I knew the wives too. I got involved with my friends divorce( the one who has disappeared - trying to help him not lose his mind or do something stupid )and talked to a lot of men from his divorce support group about what happened. I have talked to at least 30 victims of the corrupt divorce system, from many states, and their stories are echoed across the country. You would be floored if you knew a small fraction of what goes on. I was stunned and I thought men were always screwed before hand. You are misinformed if you think what I have talked about is not the norm out there.

Wouldn't that be like talking to 30 victims of spousal abuse and concluding that all men hit their wives?
 
Originally Posted By: LazyPrizm
Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
Not a limited sample size at all nor is it one sided when I talk of my friends divorces as I knew the wives too. I got involved with my friends divorce( the one who has disappeared - trying to help him not lose his mind or do something stupid )and talked to a lot of men from his divorce support group about what happened. I have talked to at least 30 victims of the corrupt divorce system, from many states, and their stories are echoed across the country. You would be floored if you knew a small fraction of what goes on. I was stunned and I thought men were always screwed before hand. You are misinformed if you think what I have talked about is not the norm out there.

Wouldn't that be like talking to 30 victims of spousal abuse and concluding that all men hit their wives?


The point was I am not basing my opinion on 1 or 2 situations as the other poster was implying. I have seen quite a few cases personally and i talked to many men who have had their lives destroyed by divorce who did not deserve it( I know some who have deserved it as well ).

Also, while I agree there are always two side to any story I can't discount the similarities in things that happened to these men in their divorce time and time again, state across state. It isn't all lies or one sided twisting. It is clear the deck is stacked against the man in a divorce and it doesn't matter if he deserves it or not.

Just look at the posts on here from different members, across the country, who do not know each other that are posting the exact same warnings and story types. Open your eyes.
 
Last edited:
Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
Originally Posted By: LazyPrizm
Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
Not a limited sample size at all nor is it one sided when I talk of my friends divorces as I knew the wives too. I got involved with my friends divorce( the one who has disappeared - trying to help him not lose his mind or do something stupid )and talked to a lot of men from his divorce support group about what happened. I have talked to at least 30 victims of the corrupt divorce system, from many states, and their stories are echoed across the country. You would be floored if you knew a small fraction of what goes on. I was stunned and I thought men were always screwed before hand. You are misinformed if you think what I have talked about is not the norm out there.

Wouldn't that be like talking to 30 victims of spousal abuse and concluding that all men hit their wives?


The point was I am not basing my opinion on 1 or 2 situations as the other poster was implying. I have seen quite a few cases personally and i talked to many men who have had their lives destroyed by divorce who did not deserve it( I know some who have deserved it as well ).

Also, while I agree there are always two side to any story I can't discount the similarities in things that happened to these men in their divorce time and time again, state across state. It isn't all lies or one sided twisting. It is clear the deck is stacked against the man in a divorce and it doesn't matter if he deserves it or not.

Just look at the posts on here from different members, across the country, who do not know each other that are posting the exact same warnings and story types. Open your eyes.


I can't wrap my head around this. There are literally millions of people in the United States who are married, and you consider a sampling of 30 to be adequate?

LazyPrizm nailed it. What you're saying is exactly like talking to 30 victims of spousal abuse and concluding that all men hit their wives. It's kind of ridiculous.
 
Quote:
LazyPrizm nailed it. What you're saying is exactly like talking to 30 victims of spousal abuse and concluding that all men hit their wives. It's kind of ridiculous.
BUT, would it be fair to say that when it comes to spousal abuse women are more likely to be abused than men based upon the situation you presented?
 
Originally Posted By: Vikas
Quote:
LazyPrizm nailed it. What you're saying is exactly like talking to 30 victims of spousal abuse and concluding that all men hit their wives. It's kind of ridiculous.
BUT, would it be fair to say that when it comes to spousal abuse women are more likely to be abused than men based upon the situation you presented?


Since the gender was specified in his example, it is fair to say that in the instance where men are abusing their spouses that women are more likely to be abused because gay marriage is not all that widespread just yet.
 
The trick to getting divorced is when she says, "I want out".

Run up all the credit cards, lease every freaken vehicle you can, and drain the bank accounts...than go bankrupt.

You know that Porsche you always wanted that leases for $1,400 a month? Great time to buy it! Might as well buy a loaded Tahoe to match, and to drive in the bad weather..oh and a boat for the Tahoe to tow!
whistle.gif
 
Last edited:
Originally Posted By: Mykl
Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
Originally Posted By: LazyPrizm
Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
Not a limited sample size at all nor is it one sided when I talk of my friends divorces as I knew the wives too. I got involved with my friends divorce( the one who has disappeared - trying to help him not lose his mind or do something stupid )and talked to a lot of men from his divorce support group about what happened. I have talked to at least 30 victims of the corrupt divorce system, from many states, and their stories are echoed across the country. You would be floored if you knew a small fraction of what goes on. I was stunned and I thought men were always screwed before hand. You are misinformed if you think what I have talked about is not the norm out there.

Wouldn't that be like talking to 30 victims of spousal abuse and concluding that all men hit their wives?


The point was I am not basing my opinion on 1 or 2 situations as the other poster was implying. I have seen quite a few cases personally and i talked to many men who have had their lives destroyed by divorce who did not deserve it( I know some who have deserved it as well ).

Also, while I agree there are always two side to any story I can't discount the similarities in things that happened to these men in their divorce time and time again, state across state. It isn't all lies or one sided twisting. It is clear the deck is stacked against the man in a divorce and it doesn't matter if he deserves it or not.

Just look at the posts on here from different members, across the country, who do not know each other that are posting the exact same warnings and story types. Open your eyes.


I can't wrap my head around this. There are literally millions of people in the United States who are married, and you consider a sampling of 30 to be adequate?

LazyPrizm nailed it. What you're saying is exactly like talking to 30 victims of spousal abuse and concluding that all men hit their wives. It's kind of ridiculous.


1st of all you are putting words in my mouth. I never said all women were bad or that no one should ever get married. I advise caution to men getting married these days because of how easy it is for a woman to take him to the cleaners and ruin his life. The modern day woman is NOT the same creature she was just 10-15 years back. Also, the legal system is 100% stacked AGAINST the man. If you think those two comments are ridiculous then you are very sheltered from the harsh realities of today's world.

How many people out of those millions do you know? How many do you know that have been divorced? Just how big a sample size am I to have to form an opinion? What I have seen, personally, clearly backs up my comments. What I have said is echoed by others on here as well. So they too are ridiculous?

You seem very naive about divorce to me. I don't mean that as an insult either. Just an observation. Either that or because you haven't seen it happen you can't or won't believe those who have.

You and a few others in this thread should really take some time and go visit some of the websites out there that teach women how to find the right guy to marry so they can take him for everything. Or the ones that teach the woman how to go about the divorce( lie and falsely accuse )to score big. Then come back and call me ridiculous again. These websites are a modern day thing not something people who have been married 20+ years would have had to worry about. My warnings and others are for people not yet married, who will marry a young modern woman. Half of you guys yelling at me are doing so without the foundation/experience for it.

You believe what you wish. I truly hope you don't wake up someday and finds your wife has decided to move on and take everything you own with her while at the same time accusing you of horrible things you didn't do so it is easier for her to get it all. If that happens I hope you can afford the dream team for lawyers because you will need it.

I am not going to keep going round and round with you on this. I have a right to my opinion and it is not limited nor ridiculous. It is genuine and real.

I am NOT anti marriage
I am NOT anti woman

I AM cautious
I AM smart enough to learn from what I see
 
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