General Dating Rant. Calm cool reasoning.

[needsducktape]

First off: GGGGWWRRaaaarrrrr Ahhhhhhhhh (rips out hair)

So I just moved into Pittsburgh and am totally single (No kids, No baggage) and I decide to give online dating a whirl. Since I know relatively few people in the city, I figure WHY NOT?! Im 31 SWM and relatively normal.

I place an ad and get jack squat in terms of replies for about a week.
Then one day...BOOM...Someone sends me a note:
Turns out she too was a world traveler (big on my list of likes) and noticed I had been to India, she cute, Blah blah blah...

After a few emails we decide to meet up. -Only When I was in town she was in Florida for a week -then when she got back from Florida, I had to go to NY for a week. Ok Fine, Im patient -but lets be real, we don't even know if we are going to like each other so the longer we drag this email thing out the higher the risk of disappointment...
But we email continuously anyway.

Finally, last week I get back from NY and we decide to get coffee -only it got cut short as she was called into work. I literaly shook her hand, started to walk into the coffee shop -then BOOM- Called into ER

Phuulleeez...

One week later, after txt and emails all week, we finally get to sit down FACE TO FACE and have dinner at a quiet Sushi place.

We had a GREAT time. Really. She is 10 on the looks scale. VERY outgoing and a doctor -training to be a surgeon! (I was slightly intimidated, I hope it didn't show) We stayed 2.5 hours at the Sushi place- and the conversation was engaging and not a dull moment. Truly.

So I walk her to her car and I gave her a bottle of wine I had brought back from NY. I asked her if we were going to do this again soon- and she said a little hike sounds like fun -but I didn't push to "secure" a date. She sounded somewhat ambiguous due to a work schedule.
Driving home -I'm thinking she was as into me as I was her-

However, I have not heard from her since (3days). -I sent a little thank you email and no reply nor has she txt me. Have not txt her as I do NOT want to be perceived as clingy.


Now my first question: #1 What ???!!!!


#2 Was she faking the fun at dinner? Just being polite?

She seemed like she would be more direct. - I realize Doctors are busy but c'mon!!! A txt or something takes a second to send.

Sorry this was long, but I had to blow up somewhere....

 

[asiancivicmaniac]

Doesn't "training to be a surgeon" mean she's in her residency? She's probably busier than you think she is. Give it a few more days and then see what happens?

 

[addyguy]

Maybe I'm analyzing this too much, but she is a high-powered professional (dr.), obviously used to being 'in charge'...maybe she's making sure this is known?

...or maybe she just really is that busy...for dr/surgeons, their work is literally often their life, at least for the first while.

Just a couple of thoughts....

 

[eljefino]

Sounds awesome! I'd wait it out a little.

 

[needsducktape]

Oh I get that she is busy BEYOND the average person. (This would be my 2nd DR. dating)

The thing is through out the entire month we would email almost every day- then this past week before we got together we would TXT back and forth a few times a day.

So now that we actually meet (seemingly have fun) ---- a big ol NILL....

Ugg

 

[Cristobal]

"If a thing has merit, it'll be."


--Stilgar in the novel DUNE.

 

[MONKEYMAN]

Actions speak louder than words...or in your case, no words.

 

[semaj281]

I'm not a dating master by any means. But there were 2 things that stood out to me: you shook her hand and sent her a thank you e-mail.
This is not a job interview and she might have appreciated a hug, or at least a "side hug" more than a handshake. And although it was polite of you to thank her for her time, I wouldn't have done this because it would only make her more arrogant.
The fact that she's no longer texting or e-mailing you worries me a bit. Wait a few more days and see what happens.

 

[oilboy123]

Very possible she is not into you for whatever reason......

Time takes away all excuses.

 

[dparm]

She is not interested. Forget you have her number and move on or you'll come off as needy.

 

[JHZR2]

I'm by no means a dating expert. The first in earnest, long-term steady girlfriend I had, I married because she is perfect.

But having just attended a wedding that started online, and having friends going through residency, I can vouch that it is possible, and she is busy. Funny hours busy too, especially if she is low on the totem pole.

I had times when girls didnt readily communicate. It happens, likely moreso with her. Sometimes they mean it, sometimes they don't, sometimes they're getting their own info from their version of an oil forum. Who can really say?

So long as you didn't do anything too odd in the first one (you'll always think you did, but probably didn't), and aren't coming across as too needy, you should be ok. If she doesn't like you, then she doesn't like you, but I wouldn't consider that to be the case for a while, given her situation. And you can make some more bold moves before scrapping things, but nothing on that yet.

She told you that another meeting was in the cards, I'd take that for face value. Right now I'd find something fun that just happens to be coming up this weekend that you can invite her to. If its a nice weekend, try to find an outdoor event. Don't re-email thanks or text meaningless stuff. Get to the point that you have something to do with her and you want to do it. Worst she can do is say no or not respond. Best is to find something to do which you could go to saturday or Sunday so if her schedule messes up you still have options.

Call her, leave a vm and follow up with a text mid-day thurs for a sat event. Leaves time this way, and if she has plans, gives you a feeler for how much she is willing to attempt to integrate you.

Report back if/when something happens. If zero signs of life by Sunday night, then we can figure more substantial responses next Monday.

Good luck! We need a picture!

 

[Cutehumor]

she's a doctor training to be a surgeon. hello, 100 hr work weeks in residencies. I bet she doesn't have time for dating really. You are married to your career. ask her how much her student loans are.

 

[JAG]

That sucks and it is a common thing. It's a lot like a classic blind date and rejections after 1 date are very common even if it seems to go well. It would be best for you if you expect to not here from her and you mentally move on.

 

[SaturnIonVue]

Sounds like she may have lost interest. Also, some docs have ego problems, especially surgeons--being highly trained/educated professionals and all that; and potential high earners too. She may think you don't quite measure up for some reason(s) and she may be no more likely to confront those issues with you, than you might be with her at this early stage. Perceptions of unequal relationships or partnerships even in dating can be problematic. I'm surprised that a surgical resident has the time to even think of dating let alone keep much of a relationship alive.

You might consider this encounter frustrating but how much more frustrating might it be if she seems not to have much time for you? Most surgeons I've known never seem to work much less than 18 hours a day--so what kind of "future" is that, assuming things went "well"? From what you've written, both of you appear to be pretty busy and in-and-out of town!

Possibly, she really is suddenly too busy to contact you, or like many guys are said to do...playing "games," like not calling, not calling back or taking other means of contact. At any rate, I wish you well in your dating adventures. But I've been told that sometimes one has to kiss a lot of frogs before he or she finds their prince or princess.

 

[javacontour]

Try to look at the upside. If she's busy she'll get back to you. If she's too chicken to be honest with you, then it's better to find out this way than to get involved more deeply (all the way to marriage even) and find out that she's like this.

This is what dating is about. To find out how people are. If it doesn't work out, it's probably for the best.

Right now, quality men have the advantage as there are more and more women like her, educated, motivated, etc, and relatively fewer men who are the same.

I think it's about 57% women and 43% men in college today. Quality guys can be picky! You should be picky, there is much at stake regarding your choices in women.

 

[Gene K]

The ball is in her court. If she is still interested she will respond. If not, move on.

 

[ToyotaNSaturn]

Originally Posted By: asiancivicmaniac
Doesn't "training to be a surgeon" mean she's in her residency? She's probably busier than you think she is. Give it a few more days and then see what happens?


I'm surprised any human in a residency program has time to date. 80+ hour weeks leave little to no time for personal life.

Divorce rates of doctors who work these sorts of hours is extremely high. I'm not saying you should marry her or anything, only saying that she gave you some time, and that's probably all she can give you.

If you get a call back, count your blessings, if not move on. Either way, look for someone else...

 

[needsducktape]

Originally Posted By: semaj281
I'm not a dating master by any means. But there were 2 things that stood out to me: you shook her hand and sent her a thank you e-mail.
This is not a job interview and she might have appreciated a hug, or at least a "side hug" more than a handshake. And although it was polite of you to thank her for her time, I wouldn't have done this because it would only make her more arrogant.
The fact that she's no longer texting or e-mailing you worries me a bit. Wait a few more days and see what happens.



I didn't shake her hand, it was a big long good night hug- It was warm and not awkward at all.

 

[frank2009]

Just my opinion, but if she was interested, no matter how busy she is, she would make time for a text, call, or email. Keep looking, and you will find someone.

 

[Al]

Originally Posted By: frank2009
Just my opinion, but if she was interested, no matter how busy she is, she would make time for a text, call, or email. Keep looking, and you will find someone.


Sums it up nicely.

I remember my college days and going through the same kind of things. Wondering/worrying whether I would find 'someone' or maybe anyone. Thinking back on it..really kind of dumb. As mentioned the excitement should be when' is it going to happen...it will.

In the meantime keep looking elsewhere.