How the grinch stole Sturgis...

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How the Grinch Stole Sturgis
(author unknown)

Every tramp in Scooterville loved Sturgis a lot,
But the Grinch who lived just north of Scooterville...
Did not!!

And so every August for 63 years,
Amid a great thunder and crunching of gears,
The tramps rode the Black Hills, those pagans and trolls!
Like salmon returning again to their shoals.
And the Grinch would turn bitter as coffee turned cold,
and could not be approached and would not be consoled.

The Grinch hated Sturgis! The whole Sturgis deal!
And if you ask why that's the way he would feel,
Well, it could be his attitude wasn't just right,
Or could it be his truss bound his buttocks too tight!

But I find that the likeliest reason of all,
May have been that his balls were two sizes too small!
But whatever the reason - his truss or his balls -
The Grinch hated Sturgis, just hated it all...

Just flat hated those tramps with their swagger and airs,
And hard miles of pavement that showed in their stares.
Of storms in the mountains and wind on the plains,
Or wrenching on roadsides in pouring down rains.

He hated those chicks with their pectorals bare,
And their T-back bikini's and tattoos like Cher!
He'd seen all their pictures at home in his chair,
He'd read Easyrider and wanted his share!!
Yes, the very word "Sturgis" would send Grinch on a tear,
But what irked him the worst was he couldn't be there!!

The Grinch cried to the sky, "Am I really to blame?"
Can I help being frightened by rides in the rain?
And he moaned and he whined, "Must I shoulder the shame"
And he grumbled and scoured his cowardly brain,
Until inspired, at last to him it came.....
I COULD TRAILER THE BIKE THERE, WHY, IT'S ALMOST THE SAME!!

And thusly encouraged, he returned to his town,
And called to the trailer trash, "Gather ye round!!!"
"For I've had Epiphany! Brothers take note,
You can trailer a bike like you trailer a boat!!!"

"We'll park out on the outskirts , offload the machines
And pretend that we rode in from, say, New Orleans!!!"
So the trash loaded trailers and cried what a hoot,
"We'll dress up like bikers with leather and boots...
Festoon them with conchos and feathers and such!
Oh what do you think, Is this eye patch too much?"

And they dialed up the A/C, and punched in the cruise,
Voila! Now to Sturgis - without the abuse!
The abuse that 2 wheels are rumored to give.
NO! We live to trailer and trailer to live!!

The trash swarmed to Black Hills, their purpose well focused
To drown the small town like a plague of caged locusts!!
To balloon the run's turn out to three hundred grand!
Til the few real bikers had nowhere to stand,
And the Grinch grinned and giggled to see what he'd done-
Now Interstate 90 looked like Hwy 101!!!

Now those tramps out of Scooterville were not so dim witted, They saw
who was there and they saw who there fitted!!

So one said to the Grinch, "Who are you fooling jack?
Your jeans reek of Downy, your scoot's too imac!!
You're spoiling our party with your trailer posers!
What's the name of your outfit? [censored]'s chauffeurs?"

But the Grinch grumbled back, "Now it's OUR party too!
We invited ourselves just like did you!
Just show me the sign that says only some bum,
Who rides motorcycles is welcome to come,
And we'll load up our trailers and start our RVs,
And head for Laconia, or Daytona Beach!!"

Now the tramp out of Scooterville was taken aback
No such sign existed, had ever, in fact,
Such things were unspoken; all part of the lore.
No such sign had ever been needed before!!!

The tramps had to concede and withdraw from the field...
The Grinch and his ilk were unwilling to yield,
And flooded down main street of Sturgis by night...
And by day lined the highways in lines out of sight..
The tramps knew the end of their era was nigh,
And a breeze blew among them, a general sigh.
The tramp's spirits were trampled, and a mist filled their eyes.
Till suddenly some yelled "Wait, here comes Clive!"

And the cycle lord moseyed thru the bikers downcast,
And boomed "Cheer up brothers, we've not seen the last,
Of our noble degenerate lifestyle pass!"

Then Malcom E. Clive popped open a cold can of beer,
He stared at the Grinch with a leer and a sneer,
He shook his head slowly and hacked his throat clear!!
Then preached brother Malcom "That's not why we're here!"
"It's not for the pins or the patches or gear!
It's not for for babes with ***** out to here -
Okay, maybe the babes, and the beer."

"Sturgis ain't something you buy in a store,
Or pull on a trailer, no, it's something much more."

"See, the Sturgis we love doesn't happen in town!
Isn't drag pipes and paint jobs, or pulling tops down!
The Sturgis we love is always around...
It's the sunset you saw from a scoot broken down,
It's the story you tell of the hail in Cheyenne,
The dust storm in Julesburg, the chill in Montan."

"The town merely serves as a place we all go.
To tell our stories to people who know ......
To tell those road tales of deluge and drought.
To crazies who know what YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!"

And yes there are trailers, and more every year,
And guys who just ride under skies crystal clear,
And pull into town in a jeep wagoneer.
And the sign may say "STURGIS"......

BUT THEY'VE NEVER BEEN HERE!!!!
 
Wow. That's a long one

I knew Sturgis was over when (maybe before) Amsoil became a sponsor. Not a knock on either, just saying...corporate sponsorship from a fairly conservative company??? Wah? Who knew??
 
I've seen pictures from there. can't imagine the appeal of thousands of obnoxious, fat, trashy, drunk tattooed bikers invading a little town.
I do have a couple friends who rode out from PA one year, was it the 50th? IDK, it was like a once in a lifetime midlife crisis thing for them.
 
...obnoxious, fat, trashy, drunk tattooed bikers... he says from the safety and anonymity of the keyboard.
blush.gif
27.gif
 
Originally Posted By: fuel tanker man
...obnoxious, fat, trashy, drunk tattooed bikers... he says from the safety and anonymity of the keyboard.
blush.gif
27.gif



I was there in 1978, this description is not too far off.
 
Originally Posted By: fuel tanker man
...obnoxious, fat, trashy, drunk tattooed bikers... he says from the safety and anonymity of the keyboard.
blush.gif
27.gif


well, of course. just as they have the safety in numbers. I had one of these jerks as a neighbor for years; he had the big gut, long grey beard, harley fat boy. his wife was the typical bar hag, long blonde hair, way past her prime, had a sportster.
I had it out w/ him once when he let his rott run around the neighborhood dropping doggie patties on my lawn. I don't care about these guys, most are just posers.
 
Originally Posted By: mpvue
I've seen pictures from there. can't imagine the appeal of thousands of obnoxious, fat, trashy, drunk tattooed bikers invading a little town.
I do have a couple friends who rode out from PA one year, was it the 50th? IDK, it was like a once in a lifetime midlife crisis thing for them.

Exactly. Don't know why the big 'hoopla' about this event. It's a perfect example of why I find the whole idiotic 'bad biker' image a joke. Just another excuse for people to act like slobs.
 
Originally Posted By: mpvue
Originally Posted By: fuel tanker man
...obnoxious, fat, trashy, drunk tattooed bikers... he says from the safety and anonymity of the keyboard.
blush.gif
27.gif


well, of course. just as they have the safety in numbers. I had one of these jerks as a neighbor for years; he had the big gut, long grey beard, harley fat boy. his wife was the typical bar hag, long blonde hair, way past her prime, had a sportster.
I had it out w/ him once when he let his rott run around the neighborhood dropping doggie patties on my lawn. I don't care about these guys, most are just posers.



You just described the brother-in-law, rottweiler and all! If you would have added loud mouthed and dim witted, the description would have been complete.

If anyone's rottweiler is unattended and on my property, and shows even the slightest aggression, there's a VERY good chance, the dog will not be going home. Not under it's own power. That's for sure.

If it's just leaving it's calling card, the owner will be warned. Any subsequent visits will be handled with sufficient measures necessary to cease the activity. Usually a non-lethal high speed projectile, strategically timed and placed to get the absolute attention of the perpetrator.

Ply sum skinnert man!
 
I made the mistake of checking it out one year on my sport bike.

While there were some really cool people the *****eads outweighed the nice folks 5 to 1.
 
Originally Posted By: fuel tanker man
...obnoxious, fat, trashy, drunk tattooed bikers...


Does that apply to the guys too?

Aren't the above qualities all part of the HD shtick? I thought that was the desired "image"? No?
 
funny too, because I kind of like the old school vibe of a simple, single seat hardtail harley, but I can't stand that image that goes w/ it.
no, I'm not a motorcyclist.
 
Originally Posted By: boraticus
Originally Posted By: fuel tanker man
...obnoxious, fat, trashy, drunk tattooed bikers...


Does that apply to the guys too?

Aren't the above qualities all part of the HD shtick? I thought that was the desired "image"? No?

You and I don't often agree, but this time we certainly do.
Check out the Triumph/Norton type of riders. No pretension, just simple standard bikes with very mild, practical, riding gear. And come to think of it, I don't recall ever seeing a fat one that needed a shower (unlike the Harley crowd).
 
Originally Posted By: andrewg
Originally Posted By: boraticus
Originally Posted By: fuel tanker man
...obnoxious, fat, trashy, drunk tattooed bikers...


Does that apply to the guys too?

Aren't the above qualities all part of the HD shtick? I thought that was the desired "image"? No?

You and I don't often agree, but this time we certainly do.
Check out the Triumph/Norton type of riders. No pretension, just simple standard bikes with very mild, practical, riding gear. And come to think of it, I don't recall ever seeing a fat one that needed a shower (unlike the Harley crowd).


That's harsh Andrew.

As far as the shower, you can't expect them to hit rain on every ride!
 
This should not be an attack on the Harley crowd, just came from Americade and there were a number of neat and clean people on Harleys. With that said, I also had to laugh at the pathetic posers that were there on Friday and Saturday. I am sorry but these guys do not get it and probably never will. Most rode small displacement metric v-twins, when you put an aftermarket exhaust on one of these they do not sound good, just louder. I do not care what type of t-shirt you wear you still looked like an idiot. Riding through the Adirondacks and watching how bad they rode there is always hope of a terminal accident. Will have additional post on my take on Americade.
 
Originally Posted By: GoldwingGuy
This should not be an attack on the Harley crowd, just came from Americade and there were a number of neat and clean people on Harleys. With that said, I also had to laugh at the pathetic posers that were there on Friday and Saturday. I am sorry but these guys do not get it and probably never will. Most rode small displacement metric v-twins, when you put an aftermarket exhaust on one of these they do not sound good, just louder. I do not care what type of t-shirt you wear you still looked like an idiot. Riding through the Adirondacks and watching how bad they rode there is always hope of a terminal accident. Will have additional post on my take on Americade.

Not trying to 'attack' any one group. Just stating my visual perception and nostril reaction when in the vicinity of said riders. One thing I tend to do is call it like I see it (and smell it).
 
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It seems that with all the repeat Harley bashing that goes on here at BITOG that people that ride Harley's are not welcome here. Been reading all the threads that start out good go down the toilet after a certain few members here start there bashing. I happen to ride a Harley and all this anti HD is getting kinda old. Just sayin.
 
Originally Posted By: porkchop01
It seems that with all the repeat Harley bashing that goes on here at BITOG that people that ride Harley's are not welcome here. Been reading all the threads that start out good go down the toilet after a certain few members here start there bashing. I happen to ride a Harley and all this anti HD is getting kinda old. Just sayin.

I like harleys also (but don't have one), and I think its important to separate the BRAND from the RIDER. not all harley riders are the obnoxious biker slob, just like all BITOG members aren't anal-retentive UOA OCI complusive oil nerds.
if you ride a harly, thats cool. but don't get offended if anoymous people make fun of some of them. who cares?
 
Ive been to variuos biker events and although its nowhere near as bad as it once was, it was the "Harley" bikers that would pick because people were on Japanese motorcycles and had the attitude if you didnt ride a Harley, then you were just a poser, when it couldnt be futher from the truth, most people I know rode Japanese bikes because that is what they could afford and it was the doctors, lawyers and professionals that had the bucks to buy the Harleys and be the posers. You can ussually pick them out by thier cute little Mad Max outfits.
 
Originally Posted By: Panzerman
You can usually pick them out by their cute little Mad Max outfits.


lol.gif


AKA "Rugged Individualist Uniforms"
 
Originally Posted By: XS650
Originally Posted By: Panzerman
You can usually pick them out by their cute little Mad Max outfits.


lol.gif


AKA "Rugged Individualist Uniforms"


Silly me. I thought those outfits were for auditions to fill the vacancy in the Village People???

Ply sem skennert man....and macho, macho man affer dat....
 
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