Women and Men Humor

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May 27, 2002
London, AR
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

"Cash, check or charge? " I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. " So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No" she replied "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

I know I'm not going to understand women. I know I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor. "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, " Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered "It's Pillsbury, isn't it ?" The rest of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop here.

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says confused "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
HE answers," You see, it's like this, yesterday I sent my wife to the store for a carton of cigarettes and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers, cause it's " sooooooo much cheaper ". So I figure if I have to roll my own...so does she.


A couple drove down a country road for several miles not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. A they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, " Relatives of your ?" "Yep" the wife replied, "in-laws."


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to the man's 15,000. The wife replied "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men"...the husband turned to his wife and said " What ?"


A man said to his wife one day "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, " Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me" God made me stupid so I'd be attracted to you."


Husband and wife were in the middle of a violent quarrel and hubby was losing his temper. " Be careful" he said to his wife, " You will bring out the beast in me." " So what " his wife replied, " who's afraid of a mouse ?"


A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said "You should do it because you get up first and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it because that is your job and I can wait for my coffee." Wife replies "No, you should do it and besides, it is in the Bible that man should do the coffee." Husband says "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says.......

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