Was your wife ever a Stay at Home wife/mom?
- Thread starter ZZman
- Start date
My wife has been a SAHM for 8 years. My youngest is 2 and I am doubtful she goes back to work once he starts kindergarten. I’d love some extra income but she enjoys it and you are right, daycare is expensive!
I'm 43, I've been married 19 years and we have a 16, 14, and 12 year old. My wife graduated from a (sub) ivy-league college and has a graduate degree and she worked PT for about a year 17 years ago. Since then she's been a stay-at-home mom and she tells me frequently that she loves her life and she thanks me frequently for getting up every day to go to work.
Even now though she is starting to think about going back to work as the kids are older and it's kinda boring for her. She's 48 and I told her she's in the best possible position - she wants to back to work not because we need her to but because she wants to and that means she can go do anything that makes her happy and money isn't a factor.
Don't get me wrong...if she can make a few bucks that's cool too!
Even now though she is starting to think about going back to work as the kids are older and it's kinda boring for her. She's 48 and I told her she's in the best possible position - she wants to back to work not because we need her to but because she wants to and that means she can go do anything that makes her happy and money isn't a factor.
Don't get me wrong...if she can make a few bucks that's cool too!
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Yes.
We sacrificed to make that work.
Everyone laughed at my old clunker cars when I was a young fighter pilot (Ivy green 1970 Ford Fairlane wagon in the early 1990s, for example) but not having a car payment was part of how we made it work.
The time spent with the kids at that young age is an investment that pays huge dividends later in life. My three kids learned to read at a very young age. This was critical in their future success.
The stable foundation created by an at home parent gives kids a huge advantage; emotionally, intellectually, socially, over kids without that foundation.
We sacrificed to make that work.
Everyone laughed at my old clunker cars when I was a young fighter pilot (Ivy green 1970 Ford Fairlane wagon in the early 1990s, for example) but not having a car payment was part of how we made it work.
The time spent with the kids at that young age is an investment that pays huge dividends later in life. My three kids learned to read at a very young age. This was critical in their future success.
The stable foundation created by an at home parent gives kids a huge advantage; emotionally, intellectually, socially, over kids without that foundation.
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I have a brother who was a stay-at-home dad. His wife has an MBA and makes a buttload of money and it didn't make sense for her to stay home or even for him to work. He has some mental illness issues too so he really is lucky - he's lived a very nice life economically and at times it would've been impossible for him to work.
Yep, been sacrificing for 20yrs so my wife can be home for our 4 kids. One is college age now, with two not far behind and a 10yr old. Early on she tried to keep her seniority at the hospital she worked at by taking a shift on my off days, or we'd have gramma/grampa watch the tiny ones when we both worked, but that got too tough.
IMO, if you're going to have kids, strangers shouldn't raise them. Those years go by quick.
IMO, if you're going to have kids, strangers shouldn't raise them. Those years go by quick.
My first was a SAHM but only because she lost her job.
My current wife's life goal was to be a HW. She has one son who is now 37 but she's not a kid person. She's straight out of the 50s in a lot of ways with her ideas on traditional gender roles and says today's feminists would hate her. She's been at the same job for 38 years and is looking forward to retirement where she will finally be a HW and can dote on me.
My current wife's life goal was to be a HW. She has one son who is now 37 but she's not a kid person. She's straight out of the 50s in a lot of ways with her ideas on traditional gender roles and says today's feminists would hate her. She's been at the same job for 38 years and is looking forward to retirement where she will finally be a HW and can dote on me.
Yes.
She was a stay at home mom (SAHM) till the youngest started 1st grade.
She then got a job at the local school district working at their bus barn in the daycare for the drivers (free daycare and kids were brought to school by the district). So while she was working, she was still with the kids when they were not in school.
She did that for 3 years till the youngest was in 4th grade and oldest started 6th (6th grade was not allowed to be in the daycare) and went back to being a SAHM.
She is still a SAHM, oldest has graduated, youngest is a junior in high school.
She has some medical issues that prevent full time work, so once the youngest has graduated, not sure if she will start working again or not.
We have been blessed to be able to do it financially (although it has been difficult at times), and in turn, I think our kids have been blessed for it as well.
She was a stay at home mom (SAHM) till the youngest started 1st grade.
She then got a job at the local school district working at their bus barn in the daycare for the drivers (free daycare and kids were brought to school by the district). So while she was working, she was still with the kids when they were not in school.
She did that for 3 years till the youngest was in 4th grade and oldest started 6th (6th grade was not allowed to be in the daycare) and went back to being a SAHM.
She is still a SAHM, oldest has graduated, youngest is a junior in high school.
She has some medical issues that prevent full time work, so once the youngest has graduated, not sure if she will start working again or not.
We have been blessed to be able to do it financially (although it has been difficult at times), and in turn, I think our kids have been blessed for it as well.
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OVERKILL
$100 Site Donor 2021
Yes, when we had kids my wife was a SAHM and that was the case for about 12 years until the kinds were all able to take themselves to school and back at which point she started back to work. That was about 8 years ago now (she returned to work in late 2014).
Once she went back to work we started buying newer vehicles (the Durango and my first SRT) because we both needed reliable wheels.
Once she went back to work we started buying newer vehicles (the Durango and my first SRT) because we both needed reliable wheels.
Mrs. Bullwinkle has been a SAHM since 1998, so, 24 years. Our youngest son was born with disabilities, and we couldn’t find decent daycare for him, so she has been home with him since he was 1 1/2. It’s been a lot of work, and a lot of financial sacrifice, but I’ve been lucky that she has been willing to do it. She volunteers now (with my disabled now adult son), so they’ve been able to give back in a way that I’ve always been too busy working to do.
Back in the 80’s when we had our kids my wife, an accredited elementary teacher, actually started her own elementary school. It grew from 6 kids to over 300 grades K-8. Both my kids attended and graduated. They always knew that their Mom(and their principal) was right down the hall. Never a problem. My wife was (and is) a very smart person.
JHZR2
Staff member
Depends on the career and costs. We will be re-starting child care for a toddler later this year, and I expect it to be $1000-1200/month for a local provider in a home with an EIN/tax ID. I use a child care FSA to pay with pre-tax money.
If the spouse has limited skills, and can't make that level of money after taxes, per month, then it is better (social skills aside) to stay at home, at least until an age where kids are self-sufficient (7th grade maybe?). Latch-key kids at ages younger than that should be avoided (again IMO), and even older ones should have a parent home at hours consistent with their non-school "idle time", to ensure supervision, guidance, tracking what they are doing, etc. This is a major career decision for one or both parents. It doesnt have to be the mother after breastfeeding age. That should be determined by income potential, but each situation is different.
If the spouse has a professional career it is highly likely that they will take in more money than is spent on child care. That said, there is an essential benefit to staying at home with infants. My wife and I made a conscious decision for her to stay at home with each of our kids for at least a year. It is important for breastfeeding, bonding, etc. IMO even if the mother is a million dollar a year earner, there is major benefit to the mother staying home with the infant while they are breastfeeding, vs bottle feeding pumped milk or fomula. IMO the allowed 8-12 weeks for a mother to stay home is a crime. My wife was fortunate enough to be able to take LWOP and then come back. I know that isnt always possible, and business must go on, but that's a sacrifice that IMO is very important for child development regardless.
There’s sooo many women wishing they could be a SAHM…. but realistically have to work a ful time job to help pay the mortgage and all the bills.
Lots of workplaces are very dysfunctional and stressful. So being a SAHM is better for her and kids.
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I posted this 1 minute after JHZR2’s very good post.
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Lots of workplaces are very dysfunctional and stressful. So being a SAHM is better for her and kids.
Edit:
I posted this 1 minute after JHZR2’s very good post.
.
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CleanSump
Site Donor 2022
Not sure what she did prior to me. Married to a widow who's kids are grown. Currently a housewife because we can afford it at this point in our lives.
My late first wife and I didn't have kids. Just borrowed my nieces and nephews for weekends and summers.
(Tip for those who don't have kids: Nieces and Nephews are great 'cause there's no long term responsibility and expenses, they behave for you, love being at Uncle D's, are open to adventure, and, best of all, you GIVE THEM BACK to your siblings.
My late first wife and I didn't have kids. Just borrowed my nieces and nephews for weekends and summers.
(Tip for those who don't have kids: Nieces and Nephews are great 'cause there's no long term responsibility and expenses, they behave for you, love being at Uncle D's, are open to adventure, and, best of all, you GIVE THEM BACK to your siblings.
Dave, in my younger years I thought it was a necessity for moms to get back to work as soon as possible. I know my sister and sister-in-laws all did that, but for the most part, they had grandparents to love the kids when mom was at work. Kids aren't being loved in daycare.
Now I think it's important to adjust your lifestyle such that it's possible for mom to be home for the benefit of the kids AND dad. It's better for everyone in the long run IMO.
If your main goal is money, prestige, etc. I'd wouldn't have kids.
My wife has been a SAHM for 21 of the 22-1/2 years we've been married. She had expressed this interest long before marriage and kids. Her mom is a SAHM as well, so it was kind of expected.
I think our 19 & 21 year old's have benefited from this and I have too. We hardly ever eat out, I don't have to do any house chores as she has viewed this as "her job". I do the outside work, she does the inside work. I help her at night with dinner if I am home in time and cleaning up etc but she never expects help. I help her if time allows but can honestly say I haven't pushed a vacuum or washed a floor in 20 years. Once in a blue moon I do the laundry but it is usually done by her during the day. All in all it has worked well.
just my $0.02
I think our 19 & 21 year old's have benefited from this and I have too. We hardly ever eat out, I don't have to do any house chores as she has viewed this as "her job". I do the outside work, she does the inside work. I help her at night with dinner if I am home in time and cleaning up etc but she never expects help. I help her if time allows but can honestly say I haven't pushed a vacuum or washed a floor in 20 years. Once in a blue moon I do the laundry but it is usually done by her during the day. All in all it has worked well.
just my $0.02
My wife stepped away from bank management with the birth of our second child. A third child came along once he was in middle school she went back to work with a great move into Healthcare management and of all things is permanent work from home now with only occasional visits to various sites for audits.
My wife is a teacher. When we married, she taught for 10 years before we had kids so we could build up a financial cushion so she could stay home when the kids were small. It was during this time when our nerves were frayed due to lack of sleep and the smell of poop lingering in the air and during a fight when she said and I quote; "AT LEAST YOU GET TO GO TO WORK!". I replied just as loud; "I DON'T GET TO GO TO WORK, I HAVE TO GO TO WORK. IT IS YOU THAT GETS TO STAY HOME AND YOU'RE WELCOME BY THE WAY." Not our finest hour for sure.
Gradually as the kids got older and into school, she went back part time as a teacher's aide and just kept progressing up the ladder to being back a full time teacher again. My daughter now works as a preschool teacher in a franchise and parents pay $2000 per month to send their child from infant up to pre-K there. Most of the parents pick the kids up in luxury cars so I guess they can well afford it.
Gradually as the kids got older and into school, she went back part time as a teacher's aide and just kept progressing up the ladder to being back a full time teacher again. My daughter now works as a preschool teacher in a franchise and parents pay $2000 per month to send their child from infant up to pre-K there. Most of the parents pick the kids up in luxury cars so I guess they can well afford it.
My wife and I are 46 and we've been married for 23 years this June. Our kids are both in high school and she's been a SAHM for over 11 years. Our parents are hard workers. My father-in-law always reminded us, "it's not how much you make, it's how much you save" , we are proof of that. We sacrficied and still do for the sake of our family so that WE could raise them.
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