True drinking stories from my days in the USAF

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Before anyone jumps on me about drinking and driving, I hit 18 years of sobriety on 7/11/2008. Drinking and driving is stupid, deadly, and it is only by the grace of God that I did not injure or kill anyone.

Drunk Story #1

I was stationed at Myrtle Beach AFB from 1988 to 1990. During that time I was out drinking with a buddy one night and drove past a cop doing 110 mph in a 35 mph zone at about 2:00 in the morning. Though I realize it was extremely stupid now, I quickly turned onto a side street and pulled into someone's driveway. I then turned off my car, pulled the key out of the ignition and my buddy and I ducked down. About a minute later the cop approached my car and tapped on the driver side window. I rolled down the window and he asked me to step out of my car. Once I was out of the car, he asked if I had been drinking. To which I replied that I had consumed a couple of beers. He then asked me to say my A-B-C's......but wanted me to repeat the alphabet backwards. I replied "Sir, even if I was sober I couldn't do that". Of course my friend and I were arrested, but to my surprise I was only charged with public intoxication, which carried a $40 fine. After paying the fine, the police officer handed me the keys to my car and told me that it was parked just outside the entrance to the police station. So not only was I not charged with DWI, but my car was not impounded or towed either.

Drunk Story #2

My USAF friends Brad and Bill, Brad's civilian girlfriend and I had been drinking at a club in Myrtle Beach called Mama Gilbert's Kings Road Tavern. This place was frequented by folks from the AFB and had live hard rock bands playing every night of the week until 6:00 in the morning. They may have closed earlier on Sundays, but it is all a blur now. Usually when I entered the club it was dark and when I left it was daylight, which always seemed a bit strange. Anyway, that morning we took Brad's girlfriend back to her mobile home near the base and when we got there she realized that she had locked herself out. She began to bang on one of her windows in frustration, but the glass broke and it cut her arm. She was bleeding pretty badly, so Brad climbed through the broken window and got a towel to wrap around her arm. I suggested that we should take her to the hospital on our base, as it was the closest hospital and I figured that they could at least stop the bleeding. Keep in mind that Brad's girlfriend was a civilian, so the most the base hospital would do is stabilize her to the point that she could be taken to another hospital. Anyway, we piled into my car and I drove up to the Guard Shack at the back entrance to Myrtle Beach AFB at about 6:30 in the morning. I told the SP (USAF military police) that we had a medical emergency and flashed my USAF ID card. He waved me through the gate and I literally drove 80 mph inside the base for the 1-2 mile drive to get to the base hospital. I remember seeing the faint lights of the SP's car in my rear view mirror. A minute or two after we arrived at the base hospital the SP came up to me and told me that he was glad that I was driving because my friends appeared to be wasted. In reality I was most likely more drunk than any of them, but I guess it didn't show. Long story short, the staff at the base hospital stopped the bleeding and bandaged her wound, but we had to take her to another hospital get the cut sutured. To this day I still can't believe that I actually drove 80 mph in Myrtle Beach AFB drunk as a skunk.

There is no way that I could make this stuff up!
 
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I pulled some shenanigans when I was in the USAF also.
I was not driving but we made it through a DUI check point, with a drunk driver, by making the cop laugh so much that he didn't check the driver very well. We made sure he knew that the rest of us were drunk and having a good time.

Another time we got a friends car running at midnight after drinking all afternoon and evening. Chevy 350, No exhaust just headers and in base NCO housing. We made it three blocks before realizing our situation. Made it back to the house and parked the car without getting caught.

It was a really bad (good?) night when you woke up somewhere strange and had just enough time to make it back on base to change into uniform and make it into work. If you got caught the crew made sure you had the loudest, worst jobs they could think of.

These are things I am not proud of, but amazed I didn't get into serious trouble.

USAF/CA ANG 1994-2004
 
While working at Naval Air Station Alameda, we were briefed on the fact that drunk driving or any other driving infraction on the Base meant pleading your case before a federal magistrate. They said this was more serious than going before a circuit court judge. I never did understand the difference.
 
Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Did you get kicked out of the USAF for that behavior ?


No, I didn't get kicked out. In fact my friends and I were pretty popular on base....with the the Wing Commander's daughters too. During the late 1980's Myrtle Beach AFB supposedly had the highest "on-base" DWI rate in Tactical Air Command. Things were a little different back then.

Here are a few more antics from my days in the USAF:

My friends and I decided that we would take one of those patio tables that has a large folding umbrella mounted in the center of the table and place it in the back of a pickup truck. We then put a few chairs around the table and decided that it would be fun to drive down Ocean Blvd in Myrtle Beach with a few of us sitting around the table. We were too drunk to care that the police could fine us for our open containers of beer. I figured we were going to be cited for public intoxication or an open container violation when we were pulled over by a policewoman after driving around for about 10 minutes. She never noticed the beer, but laughed and told us that we would have to close the umbrella while driving and let us go!

Hurricane Hugo hit South Carolina in 1989 (during late September as I recall). The A-10 fighter jets were flown out of the base, along with the officers and all of the families that could leave. The Governor issued an evacuation order, but the base commander decided that some of us could stay on the base and weather the storm. Myrtle Beach AFB was less than 1 mile from the ocean and Hugo was a Cat V hurricane! What would you guess that those of us that stayed on base decided to do....throw a party of course! We were flying kites and riding bikes without having to peddle until the SP's locked the doors on our barracks. Our NCO in charge of the barracks (CQ as we called him) passed out drunk, so I manned the phone until I passed out too. The power had been turned off 24 hours before the Hugo hit, so we were partying by flashlight and candlelight. Each room was offering a different beverage and since it was not that long until Halloween we called it "Trick or Drink". I passed out about 2:00 in the morning, but someone started banging on my door at about 8:00 that morning and said for all of us to get into our uniforms. A group of us gathered outside, still drunk of course, and were told that we needed to clean up the debris and tree branches......from the base's Soccer field!!! You see, a general from Tactical Air Command HQ in Langely, Virgina was coming to inspect the base and his son was an avid Soccer player. So, the most important item to clean up first was the Soccer field of course. This was followed by base housing and then a neighboring town called Surfside Beach. I'm surprised that we weren't asked to also paint the grass on the Soccer field green.

I was once told during alcohol awareness training that I drank too much and that I should try to limit myself to one drink per day. My solution was to "borrow" an ice bucket from a local hotel and use it to make my "one" drink each day. Never mind the fact that my "one" drink took an entire bottle of Jack Daniels to make! This lasted about three weeks and then I was told during a follow up visit that I had my drinking under control.

Last but not least, there were my famous "High Altitude Parties". These took place while I was in USAF Tech School at Keesler AFB in Bilouxi, Mississippi. The rules were simple. Within 5 minutes after arriving at the party you could not touch the floor unless you were naked or were leaving the party. The only other option was to strip down to your underwear and stand on the furniture and bed, hence the name "High Altitude Party". Believe it or not, my "High Altitude Parties" became quite popular and one could usually pick someone up in less than 5 minutes. Remember, back then HIV was still rare, all the women were fresh from basic training, most were on the pill and we were all between 18 & 22 years old. To add even more fuel to the fire, all of the approximately 500 men and women in my training squadron were paid on the same day twice per month.
 
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And I will never forget calling room service at the Royal D'Iberville hotel in Bilouxi to order bottles of Jim Beam!

Or renting a limo and driver one night to avoid having to drink and drive. I was dating two "exotic" dancers and my friend Brad brought his girlfriend. When I cracked the window to knock the ashes off of my cigarette a cop saw my open beer and I was arrested for an open container and public intoxication.....in the back of a limo for goodness sakes! Oh well, just another $40 fine and I took the dancers out the next night.
 
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