# Southern Engineering Licensing Exam

#### ALS

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the Southern States Professional Engineer Licensing Department: 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum. 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet, a '67 Chevelle, or a '64 PontiacGTO. 3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product? 4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw that operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down? 5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer? 6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? 7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children put a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front? 8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler? 9. A coal mine operates in a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift? 10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

#### rugerman1

1.: a free-qwatir itch limm wil hold a 10 pouner overnite,no prob.why yunz huntin' thim soo yung? 2.: da '65 furd don't stand no chance in 'dis contest.all bets are off if iny hafe sume paint on 'em. 3.: 'pends on if da rads are in guud chape.whut i'ma saying, 4 ov 'em wurk guud fur ussins' makin 'bout a duzzin gallins n hoir. 4.: cans ,bottlis or keggs?cans and bottlis take longir 'cause you gotta sit down 'da saw an shoot 'em whin thar empte.keggs git reeturnd for deposits. 5.: 'nuther trick qwestin!it all 'pends on iffin da cowz has bein eatin rye or clovir grass.if they eatin' clovir,no ozone left to beiin wiff. 6.: in a guud year,it kould be in the duzzens. 'dis unsa a reel tear jerkir 7.: no prublim.just haff ta move the 'lectric cumpany wire spouls 'round a liddle. 8.: do trakters count?how 'bout dem furrin' cars wiff dare coffee can pipes? 9.: onle 'bout a haff cartin. ussins all switch ta snuff or bigg-leef whin thars blow-up chanses. 10.: don't kows nuttin' bout no "gean pulls".i du knows 'dat a familee reunioin and a sixxer of Bud "gits-er-done" rite quik.

#### ToyotaNSaturn

I must say, I saw alot more of the people described in that exam in Northwest Indiana than I ever saw around these parts.

#### Pablo

Possum is good if you soak it in vinegar before you fire the smoker up......

#### tweeker43

quote:
Originally posted by ToyotaNSaturn: I must say, I saw alot more of the people described in that exam in Northwest Indiana than I ever saw around these parts.
why, did you go to purdue?

#### ToyotaNSaturn

quote:
Originally posted by tweeker43: why, did you go to purdue?
LOL. No, I was thinking about the areas between Chicago's urban sprawl and somewhat south of the Kankakee river valley area. At least they pave almost all the roads around here. lol

#### MolaKule

Staff member
quote:
1.: a free-qwatir itch limm wil hold a 10 pouner overnite,no prob.why yunz huntin' thim soo yung? 2.: da '65 furd don't stand no chance in 'dis contest.all bets are off if iny hafe sume paint on 'em. 3.: 'pends on if da rads are in guud chape.whut i'ma saying, 4 ov 'em wurk guud fur ussins' makin 'bout a duzzin gallins n hoir. 4.: cans ,bottlis or keggs?cans and bottlis take longir 'cause you gotta sit down 'da saw an shoot 'em whin thar empte.keggs git reeturnd for deposits. 5.: 'nuther trick qwestin!it all 'pends on iffin da cowz has bein eatin rye or clovir grass.if they eatin' clovir,no ozone left to beiin wiff. 6.: in a guud year,it kould be in the duzzens. 'dis unsa a reel tear jerkir 7.: no prublim.just haff ta move the 'lectric cumpany wire spouls 'round a liddle. 8.: do trakters count?how 'bout dem furrin' cars wiff dare coffee can pipes? 9.: onle 'bout a haff cartin. ussins all switch ta snuff or bigg-leef whin thars blow-up chanses. 10.: don't kows nuttin' bout no "gean pulls".i du knows 'dat a familee reunioin and a sixxer of Bud "gits-er-done" rite quik.
I am originally from Kaintuck. Does that count?

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