Profound Theory

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Nov 7, 2002
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is **** exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of **** is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into **** and the rate at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to ****, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering ****, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to ****. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to ****.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in **** to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in **** because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in **** to stay the same, the volume of **** has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If **** is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter ****, then the temperature and pressure in **** will increase until all **** breaks loose.

2. If **** is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in ****, then the temperature and pressure will drop until **** freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in **** before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that **** is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since **** has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct - leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my ***."
I didn't realize the forum would censor my posting. The deleted word of course, is 'h' followed by 'ell'
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