Political Humor

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May 27, 2002
London, AR
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player; the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first pack and left the plane. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of the former U.S. President, a Senator from New York, and a potential future president. I am the smartest woman in American history, so America's people don't want me to die." She took the second pack and jumped out of the plane. The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm a Senator in the United States Senate. I am also going to be my parties nominee for President." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped. The fourth passenger, President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my country well, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The girl said, "That's okay. There's a parachute left for you. America's smartest woman took my schoolbag." [Cheers!]
Originally posted by GROUCHO MARX: Is it true that the Hummer is a product of a vast right wing conspiracy, as Hillary has stated?
She should ask her husband, he would know. Or do you mean the kind you drive? [Big Grin]
A stock broker, on his way home from work in New York City, came to a dead stop in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual." He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer, what's the hold up?" The officer replies, "Hillary Clinton is depressed, so she stopped her motorcade and is threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set herself on fire. She says her husband is running around on her more than ever and the Democrats told her to forget about running for president in 2004. So we're taking up a collection for her." The stock broker asks, "How much have you got so far?" The officer replies "About 4 1/2 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning.
Late Night Wisdom on John Kerry... got to love those late night writers The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry.You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him." -Jay Leno "We make jokes about it, but the truth is this presidential election really offers us a choice of two well-informed opposing positions on every issue. OK, they both belong to John Kerry, but they're still there." -Jay Leno "John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq."-Craig Kilborn "President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating." -Jay Leno "Well the good news for Democrats, now over half the country can identify a picture of John Kerry. The bad news, the majority still thinks he's the dad from The Munsters." -Jay Leno "John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them." -Jay Leno "They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's nothing. He once raised $500 million with two words: 'I do.'" -Jay Leno "Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500 B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card."
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