Parental Alienation Syndrome Awareness Day

[Shannow]

This nails it...it's not legalistic...just nails it...

https://karenwoodall.blog/2020/04/24/alienation-and-the-myth-of-high-conflict-a-childs-eye-view/

 

[doitmyself]

Do you have any men's groups in Oz to help you navigate this the best you can? You may not be able to change anything, but you might find assistance how to cope with it until your children become adults and can make their own decisions.

Best to you, our friend.

 

[ABN_CBT_ENGR]

Originally Posted by doitmyself
Do you have any men's groups in Oz to help you navigate this the best you can? You may not be able to change anything, but you might find assistance how to cope with it until your children become adults and can make their own decisions.

Best to you, our friend.


I hate to say it and really wish it wasn't true ( because it applies to me too) but that's a myth. If they are fed and reinforced with poison throughout their development, its like climbing a mountain to undo it if its even possible in many cases.

There is no magical calendar date where people wake up with objectivity and critical thinking skills and the courage to use them. That's a lie people tell themselves in a futile attempt to get themselves to believe its not as bad as it really is and "someday" it will change for the better just 'because".

 

[javacontour]

But they can decide if they want. My anecdote is different as I had a night or two each week and EOW. However, it was enough for my now 21 year old daughter to see that her mother was nothing more than another child needing something from her.

It is me or her grandmother she goes to when she needs something these days. There is hope, but it's not certain.

My daughter ultimately chose to live with me in high school as I lived in the better school district. Her mom tried to dissuade me, saying our daughter's anxiety was too great. I simply told her I don't believe her. That she lied to me during marriage and her affair and I don't trust her. I said if our daughter is anxious about anything in my home, SHE, not the untrustworthy ex-wife has to find her voice and tell me.

I'd been to the doctor appointments, not her, with the therapists and so on, so if anyone was with her through therapy it wasn't mom.

She stayed with me until she decided she wanted to smoke weed more than live with me. She lived with her mom for a while, but after a couple of years, moved out.

My boundary was as long as you are living in my home and driving a car registered to me no drugs.

A couple of years of having to pay her mom's bills and she decided she might as well be on her own.

She's about to graduate with two Batchelor degrees so she's figured it out.

But she still comes to me with her car, school and fiscal advice questions. She's advancing at work and we have a great relationship.

I don't talk down her mom, as she is capable of doing that herself. While I may be more strict than mom, I do believe she has more respect for me for it.

She has become quite the accomplished young lady in spite of her mom's influence.

 

[joaks]

This is interesting, I had actually heard a podcast about this (I think was "Reveal" podcast, not sure).

I know when my parents divorced when I was a child my mother was say all kinds of terrible things about my father when I was too young to evaluate them.

FWIW I started living with my father full-time when I was in my late teens and have a pretty good relationship with him now.

 

[bdcardinal]

What really hurts is you want to be a part of your kid's lives. My dad bailed when I was 3 after not being around much before. My mom never prevented him from seeing me if he wanted to, which he never did. FWIW I am 36 and the last I saw him was when I was 12. Also what hurts is the house we are in was the one my grandparents had so he knows where to find me, same landline too. I know where he lives too, it is a retirement home in Isla Vista about 2 miles away from me. When I did see him last he was really affected by Chicken Pox, lots of speech issues. I'm torn whether I should reach out or not. I don't want to have to support him financially, nor do I want my half brother in my life.

 

[Shannow]

Article about what these people are doing to their kids heads...it's not just filling their head with nonsense, that they come to their senses about later...they are literally fracturing their minds...

https://karenwoodall.blog/2020/04/2...e5NjDpXoE2ns2gsDq4cFfFhcbTEaDKxluEPb6NQ0

Quote
Alienation in families, begins as a splitting defence in the child which is caused by the behaviours of one parent and the responses of the other. Before anyone messes with that statement let me make it clear that when I say ‘responses of the other‘ that does not mean that the rejected parent is to blame, they are not to blame.

What they are however, is the third part of a triangle in which alienation is always seen. This is because alienation cannot take place between two people because the mechanism is not present to cause it.

It requires three or more people to bring about a state of alienation.

1. One who has the most power

2. Two who has less power

3. Three who has the least power of all

Alienation turns that hierarchy of power on its head, promoting the one who has the least power of all to the top of the hierarchy, placing the person who has hitherto had most power in the position of upholder of that and the person who has always had least power, now has no power at all.

A straightforward child's eye view of their experience of rejecting a parent would read something like this -

I cannot, because it is simply not possible for me to do so, contemplate trying to have a relationship with both of my parents any longer. This is because it is clear to me that my mother does not like me to feel good things about my father. When I do so she becomes upset and it is obvious to me that she cannot cope without me. I have therefore decided that I will not have a relationship with my father because it is too upsetting and far too difficult to deal with when I go home to my mother. If you try to make me have a relationship with him, I will have to make up reasons why I cannot do so. I hope you will understand and just leave me alone because everything is much better when you do so.

 

[PW01]

It's terrible, that was my mother. I had to listen to 30 years of it, it took my dad passing away for her to shut up

 

[stockrex]

PAS is Real as real can be:

https://drcachildress.org/custom-page/7-diagrams-of-ab-pa/


Most of the professionals and Courts are oblivious to the abuse and collude with the abuser.

 

[LoneRanger]

The question I am about to pose is not meant to be controversial, provocative, or in violation of forum boundaries. Given that today's modern family may have two parents of the same gender, how then can the family court magistrate figure out which one to screw over? How does the magistrate decode which one is in the role of father, so that person can be crucified for the next umpteen years the custody arrangement endures? I guess whoever has the worst lawyer?

 

[Shannow]

Originally Posted by stockrex
PAS is Real as real can be:

https://drcachildress.org/custom-page/7-diagrams-of-ab-pa/


Most of the professionals and Courts are oblivious to the abuse and collude with the abuser.


It is being treated as a "myth" in Oz, and mention of it will be looked at unfavourably in the courts...but you've got to follow the money...it's better for lawyers to duke it out, and certain of them have built a reputation on maximising the returns for the alienating party....