One of my home nurses has 35,000 miles on her oil change!

[Jdeere562]

Single Mom, has about a 30 year old 300 LB Daughter and her kids living with her. Daughter only gets govt assistance and food $
Too lazy and obese to hold a job.

Anyway, I was going to contact my local shop next week. Tell him to service her car and bill me.
She can't afford an oil change, how is she going to pay for a replacement engine or car? Nurse is a hard worker for me.

Then I was on Facebook today. (we are friends on there)
And there she was, at a tattoo shop getting the Daughter a tattoo! You can bet it was not the obese one paying for that

I think my oil change offer is off the table now. I don't mind helping folks in need. But they have to help themselves as well.

 

[GSCJR]

Priorities

 

[CKN]

Of course do you not want to judge her and just help unconditionally?

That's only for you to answer.

 

[FowVay]

I know many people like this. I have been faced with similar situations. Invest the $35 and change the oil for her. Your actions are for the assistance of the nurse. Do what's right and your kindness will be noted.

 

[dishdude]

What kind of car is she abusing?

 

[mclasser]

What kind of car is she abusing?

Is she @HyundaiAbuser?

 

[Jdeere562]

Of course do you not want to judge her and just help unconditionally?

That's only for you to answer.

That only encourages more of the same behavior in the future.
Maybe when the electricity i shut off, it may ring a bell. But I doubt it!

I never see her car, so no idea what the model. Only told me last oil change was 50,000 miles and it has 85,000 on it now.

 

[CKN]

That only encourages more of the same behavior in the future.
Maybe when the electricity i shut off, it may ring a bell. But I doubt it!

I never see her car, so no idea what the model. Only told me last oil change was 50,000 miles and it has 85,000 on it now.

Well.... if you want to emulate someone who has helped without judging............

 

[vavavroom]

People like that live usually in a destructive relationship that is built on co-dependency. Like the 600-lbs mama who is immobile on her couch who loves her children in exchange for enabling her behavior by feeding her or the wife who caters to her husband because otherwise he treats her like dirt.

 

[Jdeere562]

Well.... if you want to emulate someone who has helped without judging............

Very true statement. I shall sleep on this.

 

[oldcodger]

Careful. She may take your good deed as a continuing arrangement. Make it clear this is a one time thing. Also, if the car has been neglected this long you might find yourself fighting off a problem if the car goes belly up after the oil change.

 

[Patrick0525]

It probably goes without saying that an interior detailing is also needed too.

 

[KJSmith]

I worked with a guy who had 40k on his truck and had never changed the oil.
He bought the truck new and said it was supposed to go 100k without a tune up.

We walked out to the truck and I had him read the owner's manual.
It was a Chevy with a 350.
He had the oil changed the next day.

Help her if you want.
Don't feel bad if you don't.

 

[dishdude]

Appreciate the care she's giving you, don't get involved in her life and stop being so judgmental. If you want to help, slip her $100 if she goes above and beyond for you.

 

[Kira]

This is sad...familiar...recurring...typified
Ironic that a valued nurse has such an apparent zero for a daughter.

...but, if you want to maintain and contribute to her ability to drive to your home, you can't find a more effective gift than an oil change.
If you give her a C-note, she'll only buy more empty carbs -or pay off tattoo debt- with it.

 

[JeffKeryk]

I 100% understand how you feel. Disappointment and even hurt. Maybe you may not have the whole tattoo story?

I would spend a few minutes and talk with your friend. Something good may come of it, for one or even both of you.
Regardless, I think it is important to try and honor my offers. Your call...

Good luck and good on you for caring.

 

[eljefino]

I'd find a way to get a gift certificate for a "free" oil change in her hand. You can act like you won it in a church raffle or something. Good help, good nursing help, is hard to find. I'm happy you have a personal connection but sometimes you need to build a wall and ignore what's beyond.

The working poor in today's society have it really friggin rough and your nurse (CNA?) is probably doing everything she can to stay above water.

 

[02SE]

Careful. She may take your good deed as a continuing arrangement. Make it clear this is a one time thing. Also, if the car has been neglected this long you might find yourself fighting off a problem if the car goes belly up after the oil change.

I recall a car that was severely neglected for years. Then it became known that the car in question had not had an oil change in over a decade. So this person decided to 'help' by changing the oil. The fresh oil went through the engine breaking down deposits. Those deposits went through the engine like sand, wiping out bearings in short order. You can probably guess who was blamed...

If you get involved, you will likely be considered to be responsible for anything that goes wrong with the car, after the fact.

 

[Hall]

She can't afford an oil change, how is she going to pay for a replacement engine or car? Nurse is a hard worker for me.

I don't know if in-home nurses need to be RN level or just LPN, but in either case, she can afford a $40 oil change at Walmart. If she told me "I can't afford it....", I'd have a hard keeping a straight face.

 

[02SE]

I don't know if in-home nurses need to be RN level or just LPN, but in either case, she can afford a $40 oil change at Walmart. If she told me "I can't afford it....", I'd have a hard keeping a straight face.

Having dealt with in-home nurses on behalf of my parents, the skill level of the 'Nurse' can vary, based on the level of care needed. From DNP's to CNA's.