April 1, 2004
For Immediate Release
ExxonMobil Corp (NYSE: XOM) is pleased to announce a new synthetic lubricant product line known as "Mobil Two." These new oils, transmission fluids, and greases represent revolution, not evolution, according to our top engineers. "No longer do we need to wait millions of years for dinosaurs to decompose" announced I.P. Freeley, head of Texas operations. "Now we can recycle unwanted organic matter, such as manure, that has been dead for only hours. This will help us get beyond issues such as the eventual scarcity of "dino juice."
Much like eco-diesel fuel uses old fat fryer oil, Mobil Two uses a presently underutilized resource, the sewage that our largest cities treat daily. "All it takes are carbon atoms" Mr. Freeley remarks, "And there are plenty of those in sewage."
Mobil Two will be packaged in opaque bottles, and should not be opened until time of use. "There is an aroma, of, well, number two." grins Mr. Freeley.
The original Mobil One will still be available, but Mobil Two will replace it on store shelves. Mobil One will be efficiently distributed through a multi-level-marketing network.
