new from mobil... ;)

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April 1, 2004

For Immediate Release

ExxonMobil Corp (NYSE: XOM) is pleased to announce a new synthetic lubricant product line known as "Mobil Two." These new oils, transmission fluids, and greases represent revolution, not evolution, according to our top engineers. "No longer do we need to wait millions of years for dinosaurs to decompose" announced I.P. Freeley, head of Texas operations. "Now we can recycle unwanted organic matter, such as manure, that has been dead for only hours. This will help us get beyond issues such as the eventual scarcity of "dino juice."

Much like eco-diesel fuel uses old fat fryer oil, Mobil Two uses a presently underutilized resource, the sewage that our largest cities treat daily. "All it takes are carbon atoms" Mr. Freeley remarks, "And there are plenty of those in sewage."

Mobil Two will be packaged in opaque bottles, and should not be opened until time of use. "There is an aroma, of, well, number two." grins Mr. Freeley.

The original Mobil One will still be available, but Mobil Two will replace it on store shelves. Mobil One will be efficiently distributed through a multi-level-marketing network.
 
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Just a question. If Mobil 2 is from number two, what have they been using to make Mobil 1 all this time????
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Another thought...Does this mean that this new product will be slicker than....nah, I'm not gonna go there.

[ April 01, 2004, 06:38 PM: Message edited by: olddognewtrks ]
 
Yet more questions
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(while we're all on a roll). Will this new product be a rich brown color rather than the previous amber? Will the guys using toilet paper in their bypass filters clean everything so well that their engines run dry? Will we have to recycle it or can we just flush it down the drain? Will the phrase 'dino oil isn't worth s***!' take on a whole new meaning? And lastly (at least for now), will the grease monkeys at the quick-lube places qualify for hazardous duty pay? That's all for now. They say it's time for my nap.
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