Nervous Priest

Scottsdale, AZ
>A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. >After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. >The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the >pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get >nervous, I take a sip." >So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. >At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. >He proceeded to talk up a storm. > > >Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note >on >the door: >1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp. >2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. >3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. >4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. >5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his *** . >6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. >7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and >the spook. >8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the $**t out of him. >9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say >he >was stoned off his *** . >10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." >11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and >eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" . >12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,. >13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for >the >grub, Yeah God. >14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a >peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.