My wife is killing me with School decisions..

[OtisBlkR1]

Originally Posted By: bigmike
Originally Posted By: OtisBlkR1
Originally Posted By: doitmyself
I find it rather odd that you don't seem to factor in the idea that you have a second child coming.

What are your plans regarding this?


im not sure i understand the question, I make enuff money and then some to support my family without my wife working.. My wifes only reason for going back to school is she doesnt like her current job (wants to do more with herself) and she wants to contribute more to the familys $.. i respect both of her reasons, I do not however respect throwing away money..

and for the record i asked my wife if a toddler and a new baby and work and school would be to much on her and she insisted she could handle the load... I brought this to her attention before anything else.


Then let it go. You make enough money to cover the bad decisions she made. Don't focus your attention on it! SHE has to learn this on her own and come to the conclusions you already came to. If you push it, she'll blame you and resentment will settle in.

I went through something similar with my wife about schooling. I had to bite my tongue a great many of times. I waited it out and she finally broke down one night and asked forgiveness, focused her energies, and will finish school next term with a 4 year degree and 2 minors. We did this on less than half of your salary and it was really tough!



Eljefino & Bigmike..
I think you have the best advice.. letting it go is probably the best way to go, although when this topic resurfaces again im going to have to find a way to gently address the commitment to school.

I appreciate everyones input on this topic.. I was pretty hot over it yesterday but came to this same conclusion myself last nite..

BITOG therapy helps again!

 

[OtisBlkR1]

Originally Posted By: doitmyself
Quote:
I find it rather odd that you don't seem to factor in the idea that you have a second child coming.

I am amazed at what modern families do and it usually works when the father also participates in all the home duties such as child rearing, house chores, cooking, etc..

I.

Im Mr. Mom.. I do 99% of the cooking, and house cleaning.. my wife handles laundry and pitches in (some) on house chores.. Im very very good in this regard.

 

[chiks]

Positive Notes:

OP's wife does not appear to be the stay-at-home-gossip-with-world-about-nothing kind. I like that.

She also wants to play an important part and is not making excuses to not work hard(er). Some other would in fact start making the excuses of baby on the way just so that they can get of working and enjoy being what I posted above.

OP should be careful in how he approaches/broaches this subject with his wife. For one, you do not want to disappoint her. It would affect the baby to a very good extent.

I would suggest you work with her to take on some vocational subjects that are actually fun and that interests her. That will keep her happy and lively.

Isn't that what we all want?

 

[bigmike]

Originally Posted By: OtisBlkR1
Eljefino & Bigmike..
I think you have the best advice.. letting it go is probably the best way to go, although when this topic resurfaces again im going to have to find a way to gently address the commitment to school.

I appreciate everyones input on this topic.. I was pretty hot over it yesterday but came to this same conclusion myself last nite..

BITOG therapy helps again!

The key I think to this is find solutions so you come across as positive. Maybe say to her that you would like to help find a program that suits her needs that might not be college degree related? There are certificate programs, work at your own pace programs, and certifications just to name a few. Maybe suggest timeframes that you will take over the chores and child-rearing duties for her to study? I'm sure you'll think up of what fits. This shows you support her.

 

[The Critic]

Originally Posted By: Kestas
I thought most software engineering was offshored.


Not around here, it seems.

 

[Rock_Hudstone]

Originally Posted By: OtisBlkR1
Im Mr. Mom.. I do 99% of the cooking, and house cleaning.. my wife handles laundry and pitches in (some) on house chores.. Im very very good in this regard.

Sounds like shes got you well trained.

My brother and his wife are like that too, although she was more cooperatieve about staying home, when the kids were younger.
Unfortunately, it hasn't worked out well lately for all concerned.

Some women are impossible to please, more so these days as the natural roles of men and women get turned upside down.

 

[OtisBlkR1]

Originally Posted By: Rock_Hudstone
Originally Posted By: OtisBlkR1
Im Mr. Mom.. I do 99% of the cooking, and house cleaning.. my wife handles laundry and pitches in (some) on house chores.. Im very very good in this regard.

Sounds like shes got you well trained.

My brother and his wife are like that too, although she was more cooperatieve about staying home, when the kids were younger.
Unfortunately, it hasn't worked out well lately for all concerned.

Some women are impossible to please, more so these days as the natural roles of men and women get turned upside down.


Its funny you say that, i was raised in a small (Norman Rockwell) (Mayberry) type coal town. I clearly remember My parents, aunts, uncles, all the adult couples.. the men and wemon had Jobs.. everyone worked.. but when everyone came home, men handled home maintence, car issues, lawn duty.. pretty much anything that needed fixing inside or out.. This also included some small farm work, cows, hourses, chickens..

The lady's did house work.. cooking, cleaning general daily inside house chores. In the mens defence there was mostly only one cooked meal a day.. and it wasnt always slaved over..
about the most house work men did was clearing there plate and stacking there dishes on the counter to be washed..

I had to pick up how to do house work as after graduation i moved out on my own with roomates.. other guys that NEVER cleaned anything. So unless i wanted to live in constant filth i had to start doing some housework.. i learned, and got picky about it (go figure i would end up on BITOG).

My wife on the other hand was raised by a grandmother and was never required to cook or clean anything.. we met right after her graduation.. old habits and lifestyles die hard i guess.

She helps, but her standards and mine are far different.. weve been together 10 years and my wifes never scrubbed a toilet, she's never cleaned a bathtub.. As time passes she's stepped up some and does a little more , swiffer the floors, laundry, dishes sometimes..

sorry for the rant, i wouldnt say she has me trained. I would say i trained myself and its folled me into my marriage. Guess its a good thing or we'ed probably be living in filth.

 

[eljefino]

Originally Posted By: Rock_Hudstone
Originally Posted By: OtisBlkR1
Im Mr. Mom.. I do 99% of the cooking, and house cleaning.. my wife handles laundry and pitches in (some) on house chores.. Im very very good in this regard.

Sounds like shes got you well trained.

Well if you want it done your way...

My wife gets paralyzed by the need to vacuum; she has to move the couch etc or not even bother. Because she's overwhelmed she puts it off. Forget that, I sweep through (to mix metaphors) and get the high traffic stuff.

Similarly I'm so cheap I hate using the dryer so I do laundry to the extent of getting it on the clothesline. I also find it satisfying to kick off the dishwasher before leaving for work, so I don't have to listen to the thing.

 

[pbm]

I know this is OT but most young guys that I work with want no part of marriage. They realize that it's a 50/50 gamble and they've seen too many other guys get taken to the cleaners....the other thing is that the 'benefits' are readily available without signing a 'contract'....

 

[saberz]

My wife was in the same boat, when we started to date she dropped out of Community College as she couldn't afford it(her parents stopped paying for it as well). She took time to work odd jobs here and here and basically after we were married and she got a job in a Dental Office she found her true calling.

She loves the Dental field, and I supported her 100% in her decision to go and get her RDA license/degree(Registered Dental Assistant) which she is 1 month away from completing. She is also going to pursue her X-Ray license (which is essentially an exam). She has been doing this all the while watching our now 16 month year old son during the day and going to school at night(so I am home to watch him/put him to bed). It's tough but worth it.

She was making roughly $16/hr and afterwards should be around the $20-30 mark as per some of her interviews(one was as high as $32/hr).

Makes me want to go back and do something lol. I'd sit her down and explain that you do support her and that she really needs to settle on a degree and pursue it through to the end.