My mom spends 7-8 hours a day cleaning the kitchen

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Sink. Kitchen sink (couldnt fit in the title)

*Please before you read this, dont make fun of my mom, Im not here for that* I just want to get others feedback and if they know anyone who has OCD as well. As you read this, this will most likely be the most severe case of OCD that you will have ever read*

I know I have been making some really off the wall posts lately and please let me apologize in advance.

You will ask how is that even possible! Im not kidding when I say my mom spends 7-8 hours a day cleaning her kitchen sink, sometimes longer. She has severe OCD and has had it for like 20 years. Ive tried many times getting her prof. help but she will not even acknowledge that she has a disorder and needs help. I am very familiar with OCD as Ive had it before in the past and I have gotten prof. help for it. I have done my share of research on it and thats how I know so much about it. Ive tried and tried for years to get her help.

My siblings and her husband doesnt even think she needs help! They think Im out to lunch and when they go over as well, completely fail to even realize it! When you're over, and your mom is at the sink for every second that you are in her house umm yes there is a problem. Dinners and everyone is at the table or in another room, it doesnt matter, she will be at the sink. So over time, I gave up on my siblings to get them to even wake up and smell the coffee.

Its hard for me to see her waste pretty all of her free time (time that should be spent relaxing) and at the same time waste money! But after so many times of failed attempts I gave up, so as hard as it is, seeing her water bill $1400 every month, theres nothing I can do about it. Its hopeless.

Because of myself having seen prof. help in the past for OCD, I have some connections, I even offered for a physchologist to come to her house and see her so she doesnt have to go to them. She gets mad and says she doesnt have a problem and will not accept that she needs help. She neglects the topic and isnt willing to talk about it.

Now you're wondering whats shes cleaning. Well she cleans pots and pans but shes way over board with the soap. Dish soap should be like 2-3 squirts but her, for say a average pot 20-30 squirts. Not only does she go through dish soap like crazy but shes spending all this extra effort washing away all the excess soap. So she would take like 45mins to wash a pot.

Her day would be something like this.

1) She wakes up, freshens up, goes to the kitchen, and starts washing the sink before she heads to work, usually for about an hour, often longer. Then takes off to work
2) Comes home, goes right to the kitchen and starts washing the sink for about an hour, often longer.
3) Freshens up, takes a bath, comes back to the kitchen and washes it again for about another hour, often longer.
4) Does her cooking and while she cooks, she washes the sink the entire time.

So now we're talking, its been 2hrs since shes gotten home from work and has yet to even sit and relax on the couch.

5) Has dinner, washes pots and pans, washes the sink again for couple more hours. By this time its usually about 10pm so she goes and sits and watches tv.
6) She will watch for a bit then when her show is done she goes and heads right back to the sink. Often she even just watches her shows from the kitchen while she washes away. So by this time its like midnight. She will wash away til 1 sometimes 2 in the morning.

Pretty much whenever shes home, shes always at the sink and the sink is on all the time.
 
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Its hard for you to see her like that, but you can only support and try to get her help. If she does not want help and is happy you may have to let it go. You don't have to stay around and watch this. You simply cannot help people who don't want help.( Except those that are a danger to themselves or others.) Just focus on fixing yourself and making sure you don't obsess about her obsessing. Watching this behavior and not being able to help her is not healthy. Just let her know you cannot bear to watch or be around the behavior.
 
One of my neighbors is just a bit like that. She can wash the sink maybe two dozen times while cooking a simple meal and maybe four or five times when feeding her cat. Of course, she also scrubs the floor with a dry towel any time she sees any sort of mark on it. My position is to just let it go. At least when she's doing that she isn't cutting herself or punching a brick wall or burgling or anything more harmful.
 
What if you offer to clean up after she cooks? Let her go relax and watch TV or read a book.
 
" off the wall posts" i do NOT call your post "off the wall" to me you have something that you need to talk about. and i welcome you to do that. knowing that the guys on this site are very smart, iam sure they can be of help
 
What if you put in a hidden video camera connected to a computer with enough hard-drive to record 24 hours non-stop. And then showed her a time laps video of her-self?

Do you think that might get through to her?
 
I want to preface my questions/comments by stating that I have severe Mental Illness in my own family (my son) . I am very sensitive and very much aware of how others view, or don't acknowledge, the seriousness of issue.

I read your post a couple of times and am wondering if there are a few exaggerations (ex. $1400 monthly water bill). Is there a possibility that a third party could view her behavior independent of your own.

There is a chance that the rest of your family is in denial but I think I good next step would be to have her behavior assessed by a professional perhaps under the guise of seeing yourself.
 
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It is much the same as having a hoarder in the family. House slowly fills up until you can't walk in anymore but they see nothing wrong. Have this in our extended family but the individual insists that there is nothing amiss. It is VERY difficult to get OCD folks to recognize that there is a problem. And with adults, they control their own medical and psychiatric care. Unless you have medical or full power of attorney, there is little you can really do. The person has to want help to go get it.
 
Carnoobie, there are many reasons that a person will not seek help for a problem such as this.

Sometimes they know they have a problem, but.....
they don't want to spend the money to get help.
they don't have the money to spend.
they don't trust that the help they'll receive will be effective.
they don't want to lay their life open for others to see.
they are ashamed they have the issue.
they believe they deserve it and will deal with it themselves.

I could give more examples, but you get the idea. Do one, or more, of these fit the situation ?

There are a fair number of knowledgeable and experienced people here that could probably offer more tangible assistance if they had an understanding of why she refuses help.

Do you have any insight into that ?

Keith
 
You tell us in bold not to make fun of your mom, then you proceed to...
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Originally Posted By: LeakySeals
Whos she cleaning up after?


Probably Carnoobie......after all he is still living at home with his mom and dad at over 30 years old.

He wouldn't know mom was doing this unless he was there nearly all day to see it.
happy2.gif
 
Originally Posted By: antiqueshell
Originally Posted By: LeakySeals
Whos she cleaning up after?


Probably Carnoobie......after all he is still living at home with his mom and dad at over 30 years old.

He wouldn't know mom was doing this unless he was there nearly all day to see it.
happy2.gif



ha ha. Thats funny. I hope you can help her out on a side note. Or she could come clean my kitchen. JK
 
I'd make a phone call to a mental health center. They'll know best how to help her.
 
Step 1 is for her to understand and accept that she had a problem.
Most ocd etc are result of chemical imbalance in brain or other traumatic experience.
 
Send her to my house, this place could use a good work over...


Seriously though, not much will help her until she accepts that she has a problem and seeks help.
 
dude i want pictures that sink is probably got holes showing through from all the scrubbing. you know what i would do is set of a vid camera of the kitchen without her knowing and then talk to her about her ocd and when she denies it show her. im ocd to i have to have certain things a certain way. and im an extreme perfectionist. it gets annoying but im not bad enough that im worried but your mom sounds a little extreme.
 
I like the camera recommendation.
Removing the sink would also be a good idea, just tell her you gotta fix it and take a day or two.
Another option, perhaps the easiest, would be to turn the main water off for a day or so and observe her behavior.

Ultimately, though, I think professional help is in order. What does your dad think about it? Is he willing to seek professional help for her? If not, then you will be seen by your whole family as the bad guy.
 
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