Move to Arizona....

[BR549]

Just moved to Arizona! Now this is a state that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is
beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
>
June 14th:
>
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to
see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
>
June 30th:
>
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus
and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
>
July 10th:
>
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used
to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting
used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
>
July 15th:
>
Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my
body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my
lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
>
July 20th:
>
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning.

By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up

to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car

now smells like Kibbles and ****s. I learned my lesson though. No more
pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.
>
July 25th:
>
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot

as ****. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman
charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
>
July 30th:
>
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and
I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come
here?
>
Aug. 4th:
>
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.
>
Aug. 8th:
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If another wise *** cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to
strangle him. **** heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
>
Aug. 9th:
>
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the

seats in the car, I thought my *** was on fire. My skin melted to the
seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs
and *** . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ***, and baked cat.

>
Aug 10th:
>
The weather report might as well be a **** recording. Hot and sunny. Hot

and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do **** for 2 **** months

and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it
ever rain in this **** desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700

worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't
live in this **** heat.
>
Aug. 14th:
>
Welcome to ****! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot
to crack the window and blew the **** windshield out of the car. The
installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
>
My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona.
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
>
Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

 

[obbop]

The real fun starts when you are crawling under your semi at night, flashlight in hand, trying to stop that oil leak keeping you from reaching LA by tomorrow.

The movement out of the corner of the eye alerts you to the friends that have shown up..... a couple dozen scorpions attracted by the light in your hand.

After undergoing a couple mild concussions and gouges while scrambling out from under the engine to jump up onto the fram rails to escape the enveloping horde the desire to repair evaporate like the rain after the rare deluge.

I did learn that one can herd the critters by moving the flashlight's beam. After I had the herd rounded up I brought the can of starting fluid into play. Akin to a gunfighter at the OK Corral I mowed the insects with sharp stingers down.

Twas near Quartzsite, it was. The load had to wait. Hid in the berth until daylight scattered the varmints and I could crawl back under the rig.

Oh, by the way.... I believe that for every human resident of AZ there's a couple hundred or more black widow spiders. BIG ones. Small ones. In betweeners. All over the place!!!!

Eeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!