Marriage game......

Messages
7,775
Location
Oklahoma
For you newlyweds, not so newlyweds and almost weds. Read and beware... Subject: Point system In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system. Simple Duties ------------- You make the bed...................................................+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..........0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........................-1 You leave the toilet seat up.......................................-5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...................0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex........-1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..............................................................+5 But return with beer...............................................-5 You check out a suspicious noise at night...........................0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...................0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something................+5 You pummel it with a six iron.....................................+10 It's her father...................................................-10 Social Engagements ------------------ You stay by her side the entire party...............................0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.............................................-2 Named Tiffany......................................................-4 Tiffany is a dancer................................................-6 Tiffany has implants...............................................-8 When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly...........................................................+1 When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump............................................-5 When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you".................................+1 When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"..........-6 That woman is her sister..........................................-90 You have one drink, and that's it...................................0 You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle.......-2 You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted....-18 Saturday Afternoons ------------------ You go to the mall together.........................................+3 You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car.+4 You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar .........................................................-2 You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it.....+3 You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional.....0 You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk ..............+3 Most of it chips and beer ..........................................-6 You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den.....+15 Or refinishing the floors..........................................+16 Or rewiring the basement...........................................+17 Or adding a second floor...........................................+18 Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket........-6 And you're tickled pink about it...................................-15 You visit her parents............................................... 0 You visit her parents and actually make conversation ...............+3 You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television .........-3 And the television is off...........................................-6 You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear.-6 And you didn't even go to college..................................-10 And it's not your underwear........................................-15 Her Birthday ------------ You take her out to dinner...........................................0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ...............+1 Okay, it is a sports bar............................................-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night......................................-3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team...........................-10 You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player........+3 You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing................................................................+4 If you stink........................................................+2 If you're not half bad..............................................+5 You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause.......................................................-2 You give her a gift..................................................0 You give her a gift and it's a small appliance ....................-10 You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance .................+1 You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate.........................+2 You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months ..........+30 You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day ........-10 With her credit card...............................................-30 And whatever you bought is two sizes too big ......................-40 Thoughtfulness -------------- You forget her birthday completely.................................-20 You forget your anniversary........................................-30 You forget to pick her up at the bus station.......................-45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey.....................................-50 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast........................-60 A Night Out With The Boys ------------------------- Go out with a pal ..................................................-5 And the pal is happily married .....................................-4 Or frighteningly single ............................................-7 And he drives a Mustang............................................-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) .....................-15 You have a few beers................................................-9 And miss curfew by an hour.........................................-12 You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call.....................-20 You get home at 3 am...............................................-30 You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ...........-40 And not wearing any pants..........................................-50 Is that a tattoo??................................................-200 Her Night Out ------------- You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work................................................................+5 She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late...............................................................+10 You wait up........................................................+15 She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed....+20 A Night At Home --------------- You watch TV together............................................... 0 You rent a movie....................................................+2 You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY ......................+3 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout..............+5 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep........................-1 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool .............-2 A Night Out ----------- You take her to a movie.............................................+2 You take her to a movie she likes...................................+4 You take her to a movie you hate ...................................+6 You take her to a movie you like....................................-2 It's called DeathCop 3..............................................-3 Which features cyborgs having sex...................................-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans..............-15 Flowers ------- You buy her flowers only when it's expected......................... 0 You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the **** of it ........+20 You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself ..........+30 And she contracts Lyme disease.....................................-25 Your Physique ------------- You develop a noticeable potbelly..................................-15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....................................................-5 Finances -------- You spend a lot of money on something impractical...................-5 Something she can't use............................................-10 Such a motorized model airplane....................................-20 And she got a small appliance for her birthday.....................-40 Driving -------- You lost the directions on a trip...................................-4 You lost the directions and end up getting lost....................-10 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town .....................-15 You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal...........................................................-25 You know them......................................... ............-60 The Big Question ---------------- She asks, "Do I look fat?"..........................................-5 (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in responding.........................................-10 You reply, "Where?"................................................-35 Communication ------------- When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression....................................0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.............+5 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV......+10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..................-20
 
Messages
3,478
Location
Millbrae, CA
[LOL!] [LOL!] How about this one hope it is not off color. 1 year before marriage every time you "get Luck" put a penny in a jar. After you are married take a penny out of the jar when you "get Lucky" Live to 70 and never empty jar. bruce
 
Top