A guy comes home with a duck tucked under his arm. He sees his wife and says, "Here's the fat pig I was telling you about!"
His wife says, "You idiot, that's not a pig, it's a duck!"
Man replies, "I was talking to the duck!"
Like the two guys sitting at a bar talking about how Freudian Slips wrecked their lives.
First Guy says "the girl at the counter was stunning...I meant to say 'Two tickets to Pittsburg', but instead said 'Two pickets to titsburg'. Was charged with harassment."
Second guy says "I know how you feel...I meant to say 'Pass the Cornflakes', but instead said 'You stupid fat ***** , you've wrecked my life' !"