Kerry Resume For President

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ALS

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KERRY RESUME FOR PRESIDENT JOHN FORBES KERRY, "MAN OF THE PEOPLE" CAREER OBJECTIVE President of the United States, Renter of the Lincoln bedroom, Intern Supervisor, Commander and Chief and Defender of the Working Man, I mean Person EDUCATION Educated at Swiss Boarding Schools -- because my parents did not like me that much Attended elite private schools like Fessenden School in West Newton, Massachusetts and St. Paul's in New Hampshire -- just like your kids Graduated Yale University, 1966 (I am much smarter than that Bush guy -- oh, wait, he also went to Yale.) Graduated Boston College Law School in 1976 (I am much smarter than that Bush guy -- oh, wait, he got an MBA from Harvard.) VIETNAM MILITARY SERVICE Served as an officer on a swiftboat in the Mekong Delta in VIETNAM for three long months -- tried my best to come home a hero like JFK after his service on PT-109. I was in VIETNAM -- VIETNAM was a place where I was for a while. Did I mention that VIETNAM veterans love me? I collected three Purple Hearts in my three months (had to get three in order to come home and run for Congress as a hero like JFK) and the last one for that scratch on my finger -- it REALLY did hurt! It was important to have the right connections so I could get home and run for Congress on my hero status like JFK -- he was not in VIETNAM, but I was. Brought my own motion camera to make sure images of me in VIETNAM becoming a hero made it back home to the states. Got a free trip home after three months on my swiftboat where I suffered severe injuries and collected three Purple Hearts (did I mention that), a Bronze and Silver Star for heroism -- ensuring my destiny as a hero and man of the people like JFK. Got home and found out they were not bestowing hero status on war heroes like me, so I threw my medals, or was it my ribbons, over the White House fence. Maybe it was someone else's medals. Co-founder of the VIETNAM Veterans of America and spokesperson for the VIETNAM Veterans Against the War and worked closely with Jane Fonda to make sure everyone knew that all the guys in VIETNAM were war criminals -- I was too, and even testified before the Senate about my own war crimes. "Represented" my cadre of anti-American misfits in a Paris meeting to discuss how we could better provide "aid and comfort" for the North Vietnamese and to discuss the unconditional surrender of the U.S. In doing so, I knowingly, directly violated UCMJ Article 104 part 904, and U.S. Code 18 U.S.C. 953. Did I mention that this meeting, and my other anti-American activities, also put me in violation of the Constitution's Article three, Section three, which defines treason as "giving aid and comfort" to the enemy in time of warfare. Consequently, I stand subject to the Constitution's Fourteenth Amendment, Section 3, which states, "No person shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice-President...having previously taken an oath...to support the Constitution of the United States, [who has] engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof." But I don't have to resign -- I am understudy to Teddy Kennedy, now the patriarch of JFK's family. I topped off my coddling of Commies by authoring a book called The New Soldier -- but since military heroes are back in vogue, I now sue anyone who reproduces the cover of that book on any website, especially a website like... (The cover picture is a mockery of the Iwo Jima flag raising -- you can see it at website until my lawyers get them to take it down.) CONGRESSIONAL "SERVICE" Volunteered as a campaign worker for my mentor, Teddy Kennedy in 1962. I just love that big lug! My first campaign for Congress was in 1972 -- I was a war hero like JFK but nobody noticed so I ran on my anti-American platform. I won the primary with a little help from my campaign manager (brother Cameron) who broke into my opponents campaign headquarters. Unfortunately, because of that Watergate thing, I lost the general election to a Republican even after spending more than any other Congressional campaign in the nation. In 1982, with the help of Uncle Teddy, I got elected as lieutenant governor for governor Michael Dukakis -- then got elected to the Senate in 1984 -- it has been smooth sailing ever since. I have dedicated the last 20 years, between wives and vacation homes, promoting big government spending (except in defense and intelligence, which I vote against every chance I get), class warfare, the welfare state and general wealth redistribution, any kind of abortion on demand (without parental consent for minors), and obstructionist tactics in the judicial nominee process. According to Americans for Democratic [sic] Action, a far-left watchdog group, I have a higher lifetime liberal voting record at 93% than Ted Kennedy with 88% I am the ranking Democrat member of the Committee on Small Business and Entrepreneurship. My current millionaire wife is heiress of the Heinz Ketchup fortune -- a "small" business Ranking member of the Hispanic Task Force, even though I "borked" Miguel Estrada Chaired the Senate Democratic Leadership Steering and Coordination Committee In 1987, teemed up with Teddy to get an override of presidential veto of Boston's Big Dig Boondoggle -- one of the most larded distributions of taxpayer largess in U.S. history. In 1991 the Senate created the Select Senate Committee on POW/MIA Affairs to investigate the possibility that U.S. prisoners of war and soldiers designated missing in action were still alive in Vietnam. Acting as chairman, I helped persuade the group to vote unanimously that no American servicemen still remained in Vietnam. In doing so, I helped begin the process of normalizing U.S.-Vietnamese relations. Wealthiest senator ("man of the people"), with an estimated net worth of nearly $200 million (that's $800 million if you combine it with my current wife's assets) POLITICAL POSTURING AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS: ABORTION -- Voted to federally fund abortions -- Voted against parental consent for minors -- Voted against ban on Partial Birth Abortion (3 times) -- Voted against ban on sending money to UN population fund -- the money was sent to pay for China's forced abortion and sterilization policy -- Have been warned by Catholic clergy that I will not be served communion due to my stance on this issue -- NARAL lifetime rating of 100%; National Right to Life Committee lifetime rating of 0% DEATH PENALTY -- Oppose federal and/or state death penalty (except for innocent unborn children -- see above) -- Voted against death penalty for terrorists -- Voted against death penalty for drug-related murders TAXES & ECONOMICS -- I like high taxes and want to raise them -- Voted against all three Bush tax cuts & want to repeal them -- Voted for 1993 Clinton tax hike (largest in history) -- Voted against major tax relief packages at least 10 times -- Support re-raising taxes on the wealthy to redistribute money for healthcare and education -- i.e., Socialism -- Claim I can stop outsourcing and create 10 million new jobs in four years, despite the fact that there are only about 8 million unemployed people in the U.S. -- Want to raise the minimum wage, which will result in outsourcing and the loss of jobs Voted at least 5 times against balanced budget amendments -- Voted at least 5 times to raid the Social Security Trust Fund -- Believe Washington manages your money better than you could -- Lifetime rating of 26% from Citizens Against Government Waste MILITARY & NATIONAL SECURITY -- We don't need a military, per se -- Favor UN control of remaining U.S. Troops -- Voted for 7 major reductions in military funding -- Voted against Gulf War I (1991) -- Voted for Gulf War II -- but then criticized and voted against military appropriation for troops -- Voted against MX missile, Trident Submarine, SDI (Strategic Defense Initiative -- Star Wars), and the B-1 and B-2 Stealth Bomber/Fighter -- Supported slashing $2.6 billion from intelligence funding while serving as a member of Senate Intelligence Committee SECOND AMENDMENT -- Against -- Have earned a lifetime rating of 0% from the National Rifle Association FAITH & VALUES -- Against/Don't have any -- Voted Against Defense of Marriage Act -- Favor civil unions for homosexuals until marriage is popular enough to support -- Voted to extend hate crimes protections to homosexuals -- Voted against voluntary school prayer -- Voted against ban on human cloning and support embryonic stem-cell research EDUCATION -- Voted against voucher pilot program -- Voted against approving a school-choice pilot program -- Support racial profiling and preference for admission to universities, known as "affirmative action" JUDGES, COURTS & LAW -- Against racial profiling and preference when dealing with terrorism -- Voted against confirmation William Rehnquist as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court -- Voted against confirmation of Robert Bork and Clarence Thomas to the Supreme Court -- Only support activist judges who will support abortion, persecute Christians and rewrite the Constitution -- Voted against confirmation John Ashcroft as U.S. Attorney General -- Voted against punitive damage limits in products liability cases -- As Michael Dukakis' Lt. Governor from 1983-1985, supported granting prison furloughs to hundreds of Massachusetts inmates FOREIGN POLICY -- Against linking Most Favored Nation status to China's human rights record -- Voted for Kyoto Protocol on Environment that exempted major Third World polluters, while creating an unfair burden on American taxpayers -- Supported Iraq regime change as late as January 2003, but not anymore -- Support unilateral nuclear freeze -- Support submitting completely to the UN, as well as the International Criminal Court, taking all sovereignty away from the U.S. and its citizens -- Don't know what the Geneva Conventions say, mean or who they apply to OTHER QUALIFICATIONS -- Five multi-million dollar mansions -- A large multi-million dollar yacht -- Many "American" cars, including several gas-guzzling SUVs, which I am opposed to politically -- Personal 757 campaign jet -- Access to unlimited condiments -- did I mention my current millionaire wife is heiress to the Heinz fortune -- Have dual citizenship in France REFERENCES General Vo Nguyen Giap -- most celebrated military hero of NORTH VIETNAM, where I served "Hanoi Jane" Fonda Teddy Kennedy John F. Kennedy -- we have the same initials Howard Dean -- (Albert Gore by proxy) Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw and Peter Jennings "Foreign Leaders" who I am unable to name at this time [ July 01, 2004, 07:00 PM: Message edited by: ALS ]
 
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All I know is that everyone, (my conservative friends included) are all enjoying Far.9/11. This movie could persuade just enough to put Kerry over the top, despite all his deficiencies. Going to be another close election.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by sprintman: I have to wonder what the majority here will do if Kerry wins later this year?
I'll go back to Cuba!
 
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Looks like we have a choice of two numbnuts running for pres. Oh well, I already know Bush is completely incompetent, so I'm going to vote for the other (numb)nut. [Cheers!]
 
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You left out failing to vote to remove a president that lied under oath to try to cover up a sordid little affair. Do we want a man as president that thinks it is OK for the president to lie under oath?
 
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I'm going with Last Z. The fishing and cigars are great. As for fat*ss Michael Moore, calling his film a "documentary" is like calling Mike Tyson a wise investor.
 
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I am afraid that Kerry may be voted in for President. Then we will have to live through at least four years of misguided 'leadership.' This guy seems to think that he walks in the shadow of John Kennedy but he is not even close to John Kennedy. I fear for the security of this country when this guy gets elected. And if this country suffers some terrible tragedy with this guy at the helm, remember who voted him in. The people who so greatly hated President Bush will then have to live with the consequences.
 
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Now Mystic, you know that Bush's resume was also going to be posted. So here it is. George W. Bush's Resume George W. Bush (Dubya) The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., NW Washington, D.C. 20500 Past Work Experience: Ran for congress and lost. Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox. With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas. Accomplishments in Previous Positions: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any governor in American history. Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court. Accomplishments As President: Attacked and took over two countries. Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury. Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history. Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market. First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record. First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history. After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. Set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in U.S. history. In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job. Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in U.S. history. Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in U.S. history. Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television. Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in U.S. history. Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have. Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history. My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in U.S. history. Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history (the 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker named after her). First president in U.S. history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt. Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world. First president in U.S. history to order a U.S. attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation. Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States. Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in U.S. history. First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the human rights commission. First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the elections monitoring board. Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history. Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. Withdrew from the World Court of Law. Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections). All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations. My biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation). Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history. First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community. First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1) First U.S. president to establish a secret shadow government. Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 9/11, and in less than a year made the U.S. the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history). With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years. Fist U.S. president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. First U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than their immediate neighbor, North Korea. Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts. Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive.' Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects. In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States. Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in U.S. history. In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil War. Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down. Records and References: At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available) AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war. Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use. All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (they can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering) Source: Kelley Kramer [ July 02, 2004, 08:06 AM: Message edited by: needtoknow ]
 
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Thanks to needtoknow I have decided I am going to vote for Bush. Thanks for the info. I thought about Kerry and just decided that my original thought were correct. He is a dillhole, looks like learch, and would get his *** kicked anywhere but upity boarding schools. Yet another great liberal. Mainly the reason I vote republican is because the people I see that are anti-republican are the biggest idiots. Nuff said.
 
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I thought I might post a billklinton resume: Has had 100's of people murdered. Has porked every fat girl that has low self esteem in the white house. Married to a lesbian. Never had a job in his life. More concerned about getting laid than running the country. Checks all decisions against opinion polls before he makes them. I'm sure you liberals wished we had that great leader back as well.
 

ALS

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quote:
Originally posted by Stab: I thought I might post a billklinton resume: Has had 100's of people murdered. I'm sure you liberals wished we had that great leader back as well.
Don't forget about Murdering all the CHILDREN at WACO with CS gas. CS gas is illegal to use in war but Bill and Hillary used it on the Children to prove how big and bad they were. Here is the Clinton body count at least up to mid 98. http://www.warroom.com/clinton.htm [ July 02, 2004, 10:59 AM: Message edited by: ALS ]
 
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The klinton body count should scare some sense into the American liberal sheep. Just think klinton is an idol to these idiot liberals. I wonder if the liberal sheep will line up single file to be led to slaughter just like thier animal brethern? I bet they would. That is a baaaaaaaaaaaaad way to live.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Stab: I thought I might post a billklinton resume:
Has a loser brother Roger who owes $9,000 in child support payments and can't be found
 
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While I cant refute each one of needtoknows statements,space and time wont allow it,I will pick a few. 1.It seems to me that the liberal supporters have two sets of standards.The standards that apply to Democrat/Liberals are,NONE,they do what they want,when they want.When it comes to Republicans/Conservatives,all standards apply to them at all times,regardless.It also seems that liberals like to make up their records about Bush.I never knew he was AWOL,Oh yeah,this is what the liberals are saying. 2.Needtoknow is also making it look like the election was wrong,stolen etc..He seems to have left out all of the reports that stated the recounts helped Bush more than Gore.The electoral collage elects the US president,not the popular vote,this is how the founding fathers set up our voting system.Considering who was running against Bush at the time,we are much better off.Gore would have really been great as president. [Roll Eyes] 3.Another point I would like to make is,the US economy took a downturn WHILE Clinton was in office yet Bush is getting the blame.Bush inherited a bad economy that was worsened by the terrorist attacks.Bush is not the reason for the bad economy.Also, there was no actual surplus,it was only projected.You can hardly be blamed for spending something that isn't there to begin with. 4.The amount of money needed for the Iraqi conflict could have been much less if Clinton and the liberal Democrats had not taken so much funding from the military.Considering the shape our military is in,it would have been a terrible situation if the US had to fight a large war.The soldiers don't even have needed body protection,this is sad.Hooray for them Dem.'s,they really know how to keep a military going. 5.Liberals seem to forget that many of the our countries problems started WHILE Slick Willie was in office.A person would think that Clinton,after 8 long years,would have found out about the terrorist plots. Bush only had several months to do so,yet he gets all of the blame.I guess Clinton was to busy with all of his extramarital affairs to worry about terrorists. [Big Grin] 6.If bush had not went into Afghanistan,I feel their would have been more attacks on the US.If Bush had done nothing and there were more attacks,the same liberals that are complaining now would be complaining because he didn't do something. 7.While there may not have been any official ties between Iraq and Ben Laden,I do believe they had some back door transactions.I also believe that Iraq was a hiding and safe place for terrorists.The old saying "An enemy of my enemy is my friend" holds true in many situations. 8.I,along with many others,don't care what the UN thinks.When it comes to our country being attacked,I expect us to retaliate.If the UN thinks that we should just set back and take it,their crazy.The terrorist started this war,not us. 9.The US did not go against the 'world' community in its attack of Iraq.There are many more nations than France and Germany.France wont even take up for itself,what are they complaining about? It is France though. [Duh!] 10.All 50 states did not go bankrupt, [Dual] this is a big hairy black lie that someone has told to make Bush look bad. It seems that people will believe anything that comes out of a Democrat/Liberals mouth.This is so sad.The Democratic party has done a wonderful job at dumbing down people in our country [Dummy!] .Many have become so used to Dems/Liberals telling them that they know what is best for them that they just believe every thing they say.It seems that when it comes to politics,no one thinks for themselves anymore. [Frown]
 
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Is it just me or do liberals/democrats always sound like a bunch of high school girls that are impressed with the new young male teacher? Just like some love struck school girls they believe everything they hear and have zero room in thier tiny minds for common sense and reality. Maybe it is just because high school girls and democrat/liberals both seem to easily fall in love with idealistic men that will go nowhere in life? Don't worry democrat liberals, don't ask don't tell is in effect. I won't tell on you for admiring idealistic men if you don't ask me to take you serious. Liberalisim only exist in DC and college. Either get elected, graduate, or grow up!
 
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needto know: you posted: Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. HE DID THIS??? HE CAUSED PEOPLE TO GO BANKRUPT??? HE PERSONALLY MADE THEM GO BANKRUPT??? First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. YEAH THAT'S BECAUSE KLINTON DIDN'T HAVE A PAIR TO EXECUTE SOME THAT DESERVED IT. LEAST BUSH IS CONSISTANT AND NOT A WAVERING IDIOT LIKE KERRY!!! First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history. I don't think the President of the Unites States of America can take a "vacation day" After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. THIS WAS ALL HIS FAULT???? We had intel of this during wild willy's reign and this is ALL Bush's fault???? What leadership would have Gore supplied when this happened? Have everyone sings "Let there be Peace on Earth"? Give it up twinkle toes. Bush may have failed, but at least he ain't sitting around like the left and wanting everything to be just commitees. The day a democrat does something besides open their mouth, the moon will be blue.
 
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