Humor from Red Skeleton

Status
Not open for further replies.
Joined
May 27, 2002
Messages
5,335
Location
London, AR
Red Skelton's tips for a happy marriage:

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake."

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.

12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"


15. My wife ran away with my best friend. I miss him.

cheers.gif
 
He carried my Moms luggage for here at the airport when she was pregnant with me. It was in California. My how times have changed. Can you imagine Jay Leno offering to carry a pregnant ladys luggage for her? She did not reliase who he was until they made it to the curb. Then she almost fainted!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top