How do you deal with a alcoholic relative?

Protect yourself.

You can go out of your way to help family/friends, but it is up to them to make the choice. Some can't be helped and should be avoided and written off. You are not responsible for their actions. And, nothing you do can change what happens. If they refuse counseling, rehab, AA, those pills/shots that make you puke if you drink....., then move on with your life.
 
My father was a fall down drunk most of life. He drank so much it affected his gait when he walked even when he was sober. He would wake in the morning and fill a tall water glass to the top with Vodka just to start his day. At that point we were all basically ignoring him and I'd frequently find myself stepping over him like he wasn't there. When I was 15 he basically said his good byes to all of us as the end was near only to detox himself on the couch three days later. He attended two AA meetings 7 days per week for three years, and then went to one meeting 5 days per week, and eventually a couple meetings per week. He had 8 years of sobriety before passing from cancer (squamous cell of the head and neck due to a long history of smoking and drinking) and even through his cancer did not relapse a single time.

I don't know why he did what he did at that very moment or why that rock bottom was a turning point but I do know it was HIS decision and it had nothing to do with what anyone else said or did. He just as easily could've been dead three days later. Addicts do what addicts do until THEY decide to do something different.
 
@53' Stude if I were near you I would take your Aunt to a meeting. I cannot say what it would do for her, but chances are I would not drink that day. There is solution there, but someone has to go.
 
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If she started heavily drinking soon after the passing of her husband, it is very possible she still hasn’t dealt with her grief. I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Just try to keep a safe amount of distance and be there for her if she really needs it.
 
If she's willing to go to a grief group maybe she would go to AA - id be a step if she will. Agree to go with her if that's what it takes.
 
As long as they are not nasty, I come over for an occasional visit with a gift of their favorite bottle. They ain't going to stop drinking if I stop visiting or stop bringing a bottle. It is their choice on how to live, I am not one to judge.
 
Blinker said:
If she started heavily drinking soon after the passing of her husband, it is very possible she still hasn’t dealt with her grief. I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Just try to keep a safe amount of distance and be there for her if she really needs it.
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She’s been drinking since she got married. My uncle passed from lung cancer and cirrhosis
 
I have friends that are alkies and go to AA after they realized they had a problem and wanted help and some friends that were druggies and when they reached bottom decided they help. I think some one needs to hit bottom or realize they have a problem and decide they needed help. there are lots of people that have alcohol or drug problems. I am glad of the all problems I have, alcohol and drugs arent included.
 
Well mom went to Punxsutawney yesterday to talk to aunt. Aunt says ain’t going to AA meetings, so she’s still stubborn and chain smoking. I sent a Christmas card with Aldi gift card since I have a heart
 
You can lead the horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
My dad was an alcoholic. My older brother, myself, and my little sister were VERY abused children because of it.
My mother was an alcoholic and passed away from it when I was 17.
My ex-wife was an alcoholic, meth user, and snorted cocaine. That marriage only lasted 6 years. I was granted sole parental custody of my son. She mentally/physically abused him when I had to work out of town.
The above happenings are why I have not drank since I was 18.
'53, the only thing you can do is keep your children away so that they don't see her behavior. That and you can try intervention, but you might lose your aunt. It's very hard to do what YOU want to do to help. Unfortunately, she will probably make a horrible life altering mistake, by that time it will be too late.
I will say a Prayer for you and her.
 
"...not really any way..."
yes there is, no 1 HASTA hit bottom.

"...take 10 others with them..."
yes, the addiction system (work, sex, internet) is a family (loved ones) system. We are called the codependant and need some change too.

The 1st above: evolving from the '70s to the end of the century was a 'stages of change' model for assistance. Now called 'motivational counseling'. A very small piece would B to ask "You do this, U must get something out of it. What is that." Like cult debriefing, it joins w/them rather than forcing something, almost like Judo. I dont think there's any blows, punches or kicks in judo. U use "the other person's own energy against them". As above (B4 this developed) I wrked a 1/2 way house that served the worse of the worse. Many died. Some came 20 times and never had to again, stopped ETOH (or if on drugs) the drugs. U cant convince them but they themselves can. Motivational Counseling is 1 way. It has slipped into other 'counseling' somewhat as well. Has been used w/cig, ETOH, diabetes...
 
Dont bother. When they finally hit rock bottom they will either work on thenselves, or won't. Anything you do for them up until that point is just called "enabling".
 
I don't think lay people like concerned relatives are equipped to help. Alcoholism is a disease (may be diagnosed as "addiction" or "chemical dependency" depending on her behavior) so she will need professional help. And I don't mean BS programs like AA.
 
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SeaJay said:
As long as they are not nasty, I come over for an occasional visit with a gift of their favorite bottle. They ain't going to stop drinking if I stop visiting or stop bringing a bottle. It is their choice on how to live, I am not one to judge.
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Perhaps. Though if I'm overweight and struggle with my food choices, you're not helping by bringing me free cookies.
 
53' Stude said:
Well mom went to Punxsutawney yesterday to talk to aunt. Aunt says ain’t going to AA meetings, so she’s still stubborn and chain smoking. I sent a Christmas card with Aldi gift card since I have a heart
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Nothing wrong with a card, with gift cards, I'd get it for somewhere that does not sell wine/alcohol.
 
vavavroom said:
Addicts can only be helped if they want to help themselves. Then assist them as well as you can. Interventions and proactive help are all good and fine as long as the addict wants help. Nobody can get anybody else off donuts, drugs, and risky behavior. Since this self-destructive behavior has been going all your life I doubt your aunt wants help. If she won't help herself for her own sake she won't do it for your sake. I fear she will be your drunken aunt until the end.
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This right here 💯 ... I have a brother in the same predicament and we've been trying to help him for over 20 years.... seems he only wants sympathy ... not help...
 
I’m a child of an alcoholic. His family members were alcoholics. They all got help but all would relapse. I can’t drink because I have the same issue…if 2 is good then 6 is better until passing out. It can be genetic and of course one has to start drinking to know if they have inherited this disposition. Being exposed to what this illness does to the family has had effects on me. Some good (realization to abstain) and some bad (bad dreams etc.). As some have mentioned here you take care of yourself. Your worry and anxiety doesn’t help and eventually hurts you and your relationships. May God bless you. Stay focused on the positive aspects of your life.
 
This is why i don't drink anymore. Started getting into it as a teen but i knew deep inside that it would all send me to hell. Family members drunk to high hell left and right, few died from it. I could've made the excuse that I'm young enough to pretend like i truly didn't know better or to care but it would only affect me at the end of the day. Haven't drank since, don't smoke either. Still see family members suffering from it and their closest ones but I've learned to distance myself and that's all you can really do no matter how much you want to do something. You really can't force or make them change that habit. My only addiction is to that scratchable piece of paper but at least i sometimes win more than what I've spent in total.
 
I think large numbers of americans would fall into the clinical definition, I think the condition runs the spectrum. I've seen folks blow mid .2s and you couldn't tell, then others that cant make it to work and/or make terrible decisions while drinking.
 
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