Geekonics

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Geekonics


NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children
who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board
in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English,
or "Geekonics", as a second language.

The historic vote on Geekonics -- a combination of the word "geek"
and the word "phonics" -- came just weeks after the Oakland school
board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language.

"This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy"
Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school
board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics.

"No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during
a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close
to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to
process the data we need to interface with all units of humanity."

Controversial and widely misunderstood, the Geekonics movement
was spawned in California's Silicon Valley, where many children
have grown up in households headed by computer technicians,
programmers, engineers and scientists who have lost ability to
speak plain English and have inadvertently passed on their
high-tech vernacular to their children.

HELPING THE TRANSITION

While schools will not teach the language, increased teacher
awareness of Geekonics, proponents say, will help children
make the transition to standard English. Those students, in turn,
could possibly help their parents learn to speak in a manner that
would lead listeners to believe that they have actual blood
coursing through their veins.

"Bit by bit, byte by byte, with the proper system development,
with nonpreemptive multitasking, I see no reason why we can't
download the data we need to modulate our oral output,"
Macintosh said.

The designation of Ebonics and Geekonics as languages reflects
a growing awareness of our nation's lingual diversity, experts say.

Other groups pushing for their own languages and/or vernaculars
to be declared official viewed the Geekonics vote as a step in
the right direction.

"This is just, like, OK, you know, the most totally kewl thing,
like, ever," said Jennifer Notat-Albright, chairwoman of the
Committee for the Advancement of Valleyonics, headquartered
in Southern California. "I mean, like, you know?" she added.

THEY'RE HAPPY IN DIXIE

"Yeee-hah," said Buford "Kudzu" Davis, president of the Dixionics
Coalition. Y'all gotta know I'm as happy as a tick on a sleeping
bloodhound about this."

Spokesmen for several subchapters of Dixionics -- including
Alabonics, Tennesonics and Louisionics -- also said they
approved of the decision.

Bill Flack, public information officer for the Blue Ribbon
Task Force on Bureaucratonics said that his organization
would not comment on the San Jose vote until it convened a
summit meeting, studied the impact, assessed the feasibility,
finalized a report and drafted a comprehensive action plan,
which, once it clears the appropriate subcommittees and is
voted on, will be made public to those who submit the proper
information-request forms.

Proponents of Ebonics heartily endorsed the designation of
Geekonics as an official language.

"I ain't got no problem wif it," said Earl E. Byrd, president
of the Ebonics Institute. "You ever try talkin' wif wunna dem
computer dudes? Don't matter if it be a white computer dude or
a black computer dude; it's like you be talkin' to a robot --
RAM, DOS, undelete, MegaHertZ. Ain't nobody understands. But
dey keep talkin' anyway. 'Sup wif dat?"

Those involved in the lingual diversity movement believe that
only by enacting many different English languages, in addition
to all the foreign ones practiced here, can we all end up
happily speaking the same boring one, becoming a nation that
is both unified in its diversity, and diversified in its unity.

Others say that makes no sense at all. In any language.


But wait, there's more!:

Irish-American Speak -- Leprechaunics

Native-American Speak -- Kimosabics

Italo-American Speak -- Spumonics (or Rigatonics)

Chinese-American Speak -- Won-tonics

Japanese-American Speak -- Mama-san-ics

Polish-American Speak -- Kielbasanics

Jewish-American Speak -- Zionics

Russian-American Speak -- Rasputonics

Spanish-American Speak -- Flan-ics

Scottish-American Speak -- Tartan-ics

Eskimo-American Speak -- Harpoonics

German-American Speak -- Autobaunics (or Teutonics)

French-American Speak -- Cornichonics (or Escargonics)

Oakland-School-Board Speak -- Moronics
 
quote:

Originally posted by Pablo:
Cuba Ameri - Castronics

I usually try to keep my mind out of the gutter, but my initial thought when reading this one wasn't about a brand of oil. I think all I need to say is OUCH!
shocked.gif
 
Slovakia American - slovonics
Portugal Americ - portonics
Mandarin Chinese - putongonics
Chile Ameri - chillonics
New Zealand - sheeponics
Paraguay - paronics
Uruguay - uronics
 
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