Frivolous Lawsuits and Warning Labels

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Staff member
Jun 5, 2002
Iowegia - USA
[This stuff was taken from an article by Richard Lederer). We will just include some of the more or less "odius" labels. On a Lawn Mower: When motor is running, blade is turning. On a package for a Wristwatch: Warning! This is not underwear. Do not attempt to put in pants. [Ticky, ticky!] In the manual for a Massage chair: Never force any body part into the backrest area of the massage chair while the rollers are moving. [There goes my fun]. In the instructions for an Electric Thermometer: Do not use orally after using rectally. On a box of Midol PMS tablets: Wanting: Do not use if you have prostate problems. On a public toilet: Recycled flush water unsafe to drink. On a package of Bottle Rockets: Do not put in mouth. [Okay, but where?] On a TV Remote Control: Not dishwasher safe. On a package of five-inch Fishing Lures: Harmful if swallowed. [Only for humans, of course!] On a Laser Printer Cartridge: Do not eat toner. On a Blanket: Not to be used as protection from a tornado. On a Toilet Cleaning Brush: Do not use orally. On a Snow Blower: Do not use blower on roof. {My tool of choice for clearing the roof during heavy snowstorms]. On a Fireplace Log: Caution - Risk of fire! On a bottle of Dog Shampoo: Cruelty free. Not tested on animals. On a container of Pepper Spray: May irritate eyes. On the back of a carboard reflective windshield: Please remove before driving. [Aw shucks, it was more fun the other way!] On a container of salt: High in Sodium. On a package of frozen food: Defrost your dinner before eating. On a package of Silly Putty: Do not use as ear plugs. On a box of Rat Poison: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice. On a Eureka Vacuum Cleaner: Caution: Assemble before cleaning. On a neck wrap designed to be heated in a microwave: Do not microwave while on body. {the definition for a "hot-headed" person?] On a Bottle of Spray Paint: Do not spray in face. [A newfound way to change your identity?] On a Jet Ski: Warning! Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting craft. On a Hair Dryer: Do not use in shower. On a package of Dishwashing Liquid: Do not allow children to play in dishwasher. [My kids are not going to like this one!] On a Tube of Deodorant: Do not use intimately. [Spoilsport!] On a package of Rock Garden Materials: Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth. {Guess I'll have to find another way to get my minerals!]
Actually, I did take a few Midol the other day. I got a real bad headache, but was out of Tylenol. I knew there was acetaminophen in Midol, so I took that instead. I also saw the warning about the (something maleate -- an antihistamine?) in it. That's what the enlarged prostate warning was all about. I'm happy to report there were no ill after effects. My mood, however, did not improve! I'm still ranting. [Razz]
My mood, however, did not improve! I'm still ranting.
And we wouldn't have it any other way! [Big Grin]
Pablo, male PMS and male menopause? I only know I get cranky when my better half doesn't feel well. I'll get back to you on the male menopause in 20 years or so. I hope I'll still have my hair then! PS: Molakule, it's great to be appreciated -- even if it's as a ranter. [Cheers!]
Are we interfering with Darwinism?
On one hand these labels are there to slow evolutionary losses. On the other hand the fact that we need these labels and they are written this way, says there is no interference, it's moving along nicely.
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