MolaKule
Staff member
[This stuff was taken from an article by Richard Lederer). We will just include some of the more or less "odius" labels.
On a Lawn Mower: When motor is running, blade is turning.
On a package for a Wristwatch: Warning! This is not underwear. Do not attempt to put in pants. [Ticky, ticky!]
In the manual for a Massage chair: Never force any body part into the backrest area of the massage chair while the rollers are moving. [There goes my fun].
In the instructions for an Electric Thermometer: Do not use orally after using rectally.
On a box of Midol PMS tablets: Wanting: Do not use if you have prostate problems.
On a public toilet: Recycled flush water unsafe to drink.
On a package of Bottle Rockets: Do not put in mouth. [Okay, but where?]
On a TV Remote Control: Not dishwasher safe.
On a package of five-inch Fishing Lures: Harmful if swallowed. [Only for humans, of course!]
On a Laser Printer Cartridge: Do not eat toner.
On a Blanket: Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
On a Toilet Cleaning Brush: Do not use orally.
On a Snow Blower: Do not use blower on roof. {My tool of choice for clearing the roof during heavy snowstorms].
On a Fireplace Log: Caution - Risk of fire!
On a bottle of Dog Shampoo: Cruelty free. Not tested on animals.
On a container of Pepper Spray: May irritate eyes.
On the back of a carboard reflective windshield: Please remove before driving. [Aw shucks, it was more fun the other way!]
On a container of salt: High in Sodium.
On a package of frozen food: Defrost your dinner before eating.
On a package of Silly Putty: Do not use as ear plugs.
On a box of Rat Poison: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
On a Eureka Vacuum Cleaner: Caution: Assemble before cleaning.
On a neck wrap designed to be heated in a microwave: Do not microwave while on body. {the definition for a "hot-headed" person?]
On a Bottle of Spray Paint: Do not spray in face. [A newfound way to change your identity?]
On a Jet Ski: Warning! Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting craft.
On a Hair Dryer: Do not use in shower.
On a package of Dishwashing Liquid: Do not allow children to play in dishwasher. [My kids are not going to like this one!]
On a Tube of Deodorant: Do not use intimately. [Spoilsport!]
On a package of Rock Garden Materials: Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth. {Guess I'll have to find another way to get my minerals!]
On a Lawn Mower: When motor is running, blade is turning.
On a package for a Wristwatch: Warning! This is not underwear. Do not attempt to put in pants. [Ticky, ticky!]
In the manual for a Massage chair: Never force any body part into the backrest area of the massage chair while the rollers are moving. [There goes my fun].
In the instructions for an Electric Thermometer: Do not use orally after using rectally.
On a box of Midol PMS tablets: Wanting: Do not use if you have prostate problems.
On a public toilet: Recycled flush water unsafe to drink.
On a package of Bottle Rockets: Do not put in mouth. [Okay, but where?]
On a TV Remote Control: Not dishwasher safe.
On a package of five-inch Fishing Lures: Harmful if swallowed. [Only for humans, of course!]
On a Laser Printer Cartridge: Do not eat toner.
On a Blanket: Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
On a Toilet Cleaning Brush: Do not use orally.
On a Snow Blower: Do not use blower on roof. {My tool of choice for clearing the roof during heavy snowstorms].
On a Fireplace Log: Caution - Risk of fire!
On a bottle of Dog Shampoo: Cruelty free. Not tested on animals.
On a container of Pepper Spray: May irritate eyes.
On the back of a carboard reflective windshield: Please remove before driving. [Aw shucks, it was more fun the other way!]
On a container of salt: High in Sodium.
On a package of frozen food: Defrost your dinner before eating.
On a package of Silly Putty: Do not use as ear plugs.
On a box of Rat Poison: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
On a Eureka Vacuum Cleaner: Caution: Assemble before cleaning.
On a neck wrap designed to be heated in a microwave: Do not microwave while on body. {the definition for a "hot-headed" person?]
On a Bottle of Spray Paint: Do not spray in face. [A newfound way to change your identity?]
On a Jet Ski: Warning! Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting craft.
On a Hair Dryer: Do not use in shower.
On a package of Dishwashing Liquid: Do not allow children to play in dishwasher. [My kids are not going to like this one!]
On a Tube of Deodorant: Do not use intimately. [Spoilsport!]
On a package of Rock Garden Materials: Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth. {Guess I'll have to find another way to get my minerals!]
