Finding My Biological Father

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john_pifer

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Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
Originally Posted By: john_pifer
Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
I will chime in and say I don't approve of the OP's actions either. No offense to him I just don't like this on many levels. If the OP is dying and needs something from the donor that is one thing. That can be accomplished while keeping the donors identity private however. Has the OP even considered the donor may not want his info given out and he does not want to meet the OP? Has the OP considered maybe the donor is married now and if the wife found out it would be a problem for the donor? Has the OP considered anything other than what he wants? This isn't a dead beat dad. This is a donor who deserves to remain anonymous. Most donors do not wish to meet the kids. Kind of the point. They donate anonymously to help those who can't conceive on their own or maybe it is for money. Either way I am pretty sure they do it with the expectation they are not contacted by the kid. If the OP insists on pursuing this I would ask at the fertility clinic if the donor requested to remain anonymous. If so drop this ASAP. JMHO.
Did you read my original post? This was done back in the late '70s when there was little to no regulation and oversight of fertility treatment procedures/AI. The doctor has been dead for 4 years and long retired before that. His practice is closed. There is no record of the donor (that I know of). Again, I'll repeat, all I know is what I was told by my Mom, and she was repeating what the doc told her, which is that the donor was a resident physician at a hospital in Memphis at the time. As far as whether or not he would like to be contacted, a lot changes in 37 years. I can see a young guy in his mid-20s donating sperm in sort of an amused way, thinking it would be kinda neat. Maybe it's some sort of ego trip for him. There's no telling. Personally, I'm very curious, and, if I'd donated sperm, curiosity would get the best of me eventually. I'd want to know if there had been any successful pregnancies achieved through my donations. I'd like to think he's as curious as I am. Furthermore, I have to think that we share some traits and interests, and that we could share a relationship, based on common intellectual interests and recreational interests. I have to think - he's gotta be wondering what ever came of those donations. The fertility doc had a son who is now also in practice as an OB/GYN. That will probably be one of my next steps - to contact him. Also, to try to obtain a yearbook or other records of University of Tennessee College of Medicine students and residents at that time.
I read some of it but good lord it went on and on. Sorry, but I totally think you are being selfish in this. It is all about what you want and what you think. You give no thought or concern I can see to the can of worms you might open for the donor nor do you seem to care about whether he wants to see you. You may want certain things but I do not find it right that you push this. If the donor wanted to see you and know about you I am sure he would have tried to find you. I think all your what if's are fantasy. This isn't someone who got your Mom pregnant and then moved on before you were born and this isn't an adoption where maybe the Dad wasn't even aware you were born or there was a messy divorce and he lost you that way. This is artificial via a donor. A donor I would wager dollars to donuts never intended to see, know about, or talk to any off spring that came about as a result of the donation. I hope for your sake if you keep selfishly pushing this that you don't cause problems for the donor. I would be furious if you showed up. Despite your rose colored glasses view of things I will bet you the overwhelming vast majority of donors do not want to hear from any offspring. From what I see you had a great Mom and a man who acted as your Dad and treated you like his own son. No need to go looking for someone who masturbated into a container. Don't be too upset if you do find out who it was and they want nothing to do with you and/or you cause a lot of problems for the donor with his wife/family. I am sorry and don't mean to be a jerk but I can't stress enough how wrong what you are doing is IMO. Not that you care of course but you did post here so I am simply giving my opinion.
I don't know how old you are, but you come across as an old fuddy duddy, like a lot of old guys on this site. First, as you said, your post is pure opinion. For all you know, the donor is just as curious about this as I am, and would be happy to hear from me. Also, you don't know me and you have no clue what I do or do not give thought and concern and empathy to. I'm surprised at the emotion with which some of you old guys are reacting to this. Also, give my donor (lol) a little more credit! I'm sure he considered the fact that a potential offspring might come sniffing around one day. He may be expecting it, sort of like how a guy who murdered somebody 20 years ago always expects a knock at the door...and isn't surprised when, one day, the police come knocking. One thing's for sure - I deserve to know his medical history, any inherited conditions, predispositions, etc. Now go put on your cardigan and watch Wheel of Fortune or something. wink
 

john_pifer

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Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
I'm not finding it funny.
Me either and it is clear by the OP's lowbrow joke that he gives no thought to this very real possibility if he keeps pushing. It is a HUGE deal for a married couple to find out one of them has other children they didn't know about and/or that they donated sperm/eggs. It is especially upsetting to the wife. To them it is almost like cheating.
NHHEMI, I agree with you 100%. What I would like to know is why didn't she get pregnant the 'traditional' way ?
Guess you didn't read the original post either.
 
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If I were a sperm donor I would 100% expect NOT to have someone come "sniffing around" someday. And i would hope an educated man with a scientific mind, with a mother of the same mind, would know this.I hope you take some time to think about this some more and consider some of the thoughts voiced here, made by the "old fuddy duddies" that you dismiss, who are probably younger than the man you are seeking out. He doesn't owe you anything, nor are you entitled to know him or even his identity. You're making all sorts of assumptions about him with no basis, and there is a reasonable chance you could have a destructive impact on his life. Is that what you want for the person who made the donation so that you could exist? You seem very focused on what you "deserve". Never a good perspective. There are others who will be affected by your course of action. Will they all be so happy to learn of and meet you? What do they "deserve"? But your mind is already made up about this, why did you post in the first place? Btw, I'm probably younger than you are, and I don't watch Wheel of Fortune. SMH.
 
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I think you are setting yourself up for a huge fall - you're telling yourself a story you hope is true, but I think it is FAR more likely to turn out bad. That is not to say I don't understand the desire to know, but I think it is highly unlikely that a guy who donated sperm 37 years ago is going to be happy to see or hear from someone. I think that unless you connect through some medium such as the one you've mentioned sending DNA to it is much more likely to turn into something unpleasant. And these guys are right, it has the potential to ruin the guys life - assuming he is still alive and you can find him. I would urge extreme caution and a reassessment of the potential down sides alongside very real possibility that the person has no desire to be found or curiosity about the status of his donations.
 
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If I'd ever been a sperm donor,I'd want more than anything in the world to be reunited with my son/daughter. I'd have a forever emotional connection to them,because they'd be mine. And I would go into it hoping once they turned 18 that they'd want to find me,and that they would find me. I think that would be a precious gift to be reunited with my "new" family.
 
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